Come With Me
by liveandlove1989
Summary: Perfection was all she was allowed to be. Anything else was wrong, useless. Worthless. Until Lapis blew into town. With her came a reckless unknown that forced Peridot from her comfort zone. But it also led her to something she didn't know existed: Total acceptance. The only problem was she had to learn to accept herself before she could accept Lapis. {Lapidot, AU, Lang/Violence}
1. Chapter 1

Her fingers ran along the black and white keys delicately, barely pressing them down as she silently hummed the melody. Her mother's eyes bore into the side of her head, nerves being ignited in the pit of her stomach. She knew what she was doing. But that look made her so uneasy.

She chanced a glance over, not even turning her head, just her eyes. A look of content eased the lines from her mother's face, and though yellow-green irises burned into her, it seemed her mentor's mind was drifting. She nearly snorted in annoyance.

There it was. The trickiest part of this composure. Her fingers sped up naturally, eyes gluing back onto the sheets of music. Her brows furrowed as she focused with everything she was.

Only to misstep, and hit the wrong key.

Her motions stilled as that sharp note rang out, echoing into empty silence that sounded hollow and piercing at the exact same time. Her whole body froze up, fear lapping at the bottom of her chest and sending a shiver through her spine. She was waiting, waiting...

And there it was.

Her mother slapped the heavy wooden casing down over the keys half a second after she'd jerked her hands back. "Wrong!" that sharp voice screamed into her ear, making her coil inwardly. She winced and hung her head in utter shame.

"We've been over this same piece for days!" the voice screeched, anger lacing each syllable, "And yet you still fail to complete it! Why, Peridot? Why must you be so, so, so... incompetent?!"

What made it worse was the tears that threatened to fall, pressing at the backs of her eyes. It made her twitch and swallow loudly, only strengthening her mother's rage. A hand came harshly, bringing with it a stinging that spread from the back of her neck onward. Her glasses slipped from her nose and hit the wood with a resonating "tink".

"I-I'm sorry, mother. I'm trying-"

"Not nearly enough!"

She winced away from those words, lowering her head even more, hoping beyond hope her mother would just send her away. She didn't want to play anymore. She didn't want to be chastised anymore. She didn't want to be here anymore.

Rubbing her temples, her mother turned away and breathed through her nose. Her shoulders shook with pent up anger, and her stance was so stiff it appeared painful.

"Just go," she breathed.

There it was. The only thing that saved her. Peridot snatched her glasses and ran. Up the stairs, down the hall, through her door. As much as she wanted to slam it, she simply shut and locked it tightly. The last thing she needed was another reason to be lectured.

Her sea of blankets engulfed the sobbing, shaking form that fell down into them, pillow being pulled in tight and curled around. She punched it, bit at the edges, threw it weakly then embraced it again. It brought a sick sense of comfort that she couldn't get any other way.

Her neck still hurt as her hand caressed it numbly, eyes still dripped pain as she sniffled and sat up. She pushed the wire rimmed glasses back up onto a slick nose and brought up her knees, hugging them to her chest. She felt alone but defiant, empty but stubborn. But she could no more do anything about that than she could stand up to her mother, who even now she could here downstairs, vacuuming.

Seething, even as she cried, she pushed herself from the mattress and crossed her tiny room in four steps. The window came up when she shimmied it, and with a deep breath she squirmed out. There was a drainpipe right by her window that, if she was careful, she could slide down. She was small enough for that, both in size and posture.

And it worked. The second her feet hit the manicured lawn, she was running.

* * *

Children laughed and yelled at one another, ducking in between equipment and building within the enormous sandbox. She watched them, finding comfort in their naivete and bittersweet nonunderstandings. It was everything she wanted. Everything she couldn't have.

"You look a little young for kids, P-dot," a voice cut into her thoughts, breaking her from her trance like interest. She looked up and over the back of the bench to find Amethyst, one of her only friends, standing there.

"Oh, hey, Amethyst."

The comforting smile her friend always adorned slipped, violet eyes switching gear from hearty to knowing. "Oh, rough day, huh?"

Peridot looked away, back out to the kids. How she wished she could be as free-willed and excitable as them. Even her own childhood had been... less that ideal.

"You could say that... What brings you here?"

The girl rolled her shoulders, shaking her head. She slipped round the bench to sit beside Peridot. "Eh, nothing really. Pearl had some family event and Ruby and Sapphire have a date tonight. So, I'm as single as a pringle right now. You?"

Peridot shook her own head, running fingers through loose blonde hair. Her eyes momentarily closed, and when she dared to open them again Amethyst was staring her down. She subconsciously winced and looked elsewhere.

"I had to get out... The show is in less than a month and my mother is just... She's pushing so hard. I don't think I can do it, Amethyst."

There were the tears. God, she was such a cry baby! Maybe that explained her short stature. She blinked them back and made sure her hair was more or less covering the view to her face. Otherwise, she'd have to explain further, and she desperately did not want that. Her life was Hell enough without everyone knowing the whole truth.

The girl beside her inched closer, throwing a gently arm around her shoulders. "Hey, P-dot. It's not all bad. You've got me." She paused a moment, as if to let that sink in, before the smile returned to her face and she found herself standing and ushering up a rapidly blinking Peridot. "Tell you what, why don't we head back to my place? I just got the latest Smash Bros and I know someone who needs their butt kicked." She said it teasingly, even throwing in an elbow nudge.

Peridot rolled her eyes. That did sound fun though... She hadn't relaxed and played a couple video games in ages. But if her mother found out... She shuddered to even consider the course of action that would take.

Whatever. She wasn't prepared at all to head back home. If her mother realized she'd snuck out, that was that. She'd deal with whatever came her way then.

Now, however...

She smirked, crossing her arms even as she sniffled. "You're on, Amethyst. Whoever wins has to buy the other lunch for the next week. Deal?"

Amethyst grinned from ear to ear as she spit on her hand and held it out. "You're so going down, girl!"

Peridot chuckled and accepted the gross, but normal, action. "In your dreams."

* * *

 **A/N:** _Hey people! So I'm trying something a little different. Tell me what you think and we'll go from there! Criticism and praise are both welcome, I'm interesting in seeing what you guys like and don't like about this. Anyways, stay awesome and thanks! -L &L_


	2. Chapter 2

She awoke with something pressed against her, pinning her arm to the sheets below. She squirmed and grumbled and tried to free herself, but the thing began a distant grumble that sounded so very familiar. Blurry eyes inched up slowly, streaming sunlight causing her to flinch and throw her free arm over her face.

Soft, golden fur greeted her sights, a bundle of fluff laying out across her pillow and arm like it belonged. She frowned, flexing her wrist again in an attempt to dissuade the animal. It only seemed to cause the cat to snuggle in closer and purr louder.

"Pumpkin..." she whined, but the small simper that graced her lips was inevitable. She sighed in feigned annoyance and inched up, briefly burying her face against her pet's soft side. It made her nose and lips tickle, but she hummed along with the purring for a moment anyways.

Until the blaring obscenity of her alarm clock caused both cat and human to jump, the previously comfortable duo glaring at the offensive machine. Huffing, Peridot briefly looked over to Pumpkin and muttered "Sorry," before turning and slamming an open palm down on the snooze.

Not that she would be going back to sleep. Curse her small bladder.

With an agitated groan she freed her arm from beneath the cat and sat up. She did her best to smooth out the jumble her hair somehow managed to become through the night as she untangled her legs from the sheets and stepped down.

"Cold!" she hissed, practically jumping over to the small rug in the center of her otherwise hardwood floor. It was like this every morning, and yet somehow it still shocked her system, which she supposed was a good thing. It definitely woke her up.

Ten minutes later found her shrugging on a button up shirt and slipping on her glasses before heading out the room. The smell of kale smoothies caused her nose to scrunch up as she hobbled downstairs.

"Good morning, mother," she mumbled as she slipped over to her normal seat. Already a plate with a single slice of toast and a glass of green gunk greeted her. A 'tut tut' made her frown as she pinched at the tablecloth edge.

"Two minutes later than yesterday, Peridot." There was no anger in her voice, a good sign in many ways. But at the same time there was something worse: challenge. She eyed her daughter harshly as she brought her own glass to her lips.

Peridot managed to swallow down the 'breakfast' she was given without grimacing more than once, and without prompting her mother into a raging state. That was good. Today was going to be good. That was normally how it went.

"Goodbye, mother," she excused herself, setting her glass and plate in the sink before dashing away. Her mother didn't respond, but then again, that was also normal.

Her pack felt heavier than ever as she slung it over her shoulders, chancing a glance at the wall clock before hurriedly exiting the house. She was going to be a few minutes late to the bus stop, but that didn't bother her as much as staying in that house did.

* * *

She growled as she shoved the book more fiercely. There was no way it was fitting in the absolute disaster that was her locker, but that didn't stop her from getting pissed at the inability she had to make it fit. "Stupid, idiotic, crappy..." she ranted under her breath, breathing in through her nose to calm down a bit.

"Yo, P-dot!" Amethyst again. Peridot threw a half-hearted smile her friend's way, catching sight of Pearl as well, before returning her attention to the task at hand.

"Hey," she mumbled as the other girl slammed against the adjacent locker, smirking and eying her through messy bangs of dyed violet.

"Hey. Having locker trouble again?" It was annoyingly rhetorical, and for a brief moment Peridot considered the possibility of flipping her off. But that was until Pearl opened her mouth and she realized she hated her even more.

"If you'd just clean it out once in a while," the taller girl muttered, more to herself than anything.

"And if you'd just mind your own business," she snapped quietly, just loud enough that Amethyst threw her a 'watch it' look.

She rolled her eyes and, giving up, slammed the locker door with the textbook still tightly clutched in her hands. "Whatever. What did you dorks want anyways?"

Amethyst grinned from ear to ear and threw her arm around Peridot's neck. "Lunch, P-dot. You won, what'd you want?"

Pearl crossed her arms tightly, covering her nonexistent chest and glaring at the smaller girl. In a way, Peridot had to admit Pearl intimidated her. The way she seemed to glare right through her with those grey, beady eyes... It made her shudder to think about. But she could easily overthrow the girl if it ever came to that. No matter the grave height difference.

"Uh, I don't care. Whatever you get is fine."

Amethyst nudged her in affirmation and backed off, returning to Pearl's side. "Kay. Well, P here has some sort of essay or whatever due in a week and asked me to come with her to English. I'll catch ya later!"

Peridot only nodded as she watched them saunter off, frowning at their retreating forms. Her mother's words ran through her head, as they often did when she hung out with Amethyst. _'Stay away from that_ thing _, Peridot. I'll sell my soul before I see my daughter turn into a monster like that.'_

Was Amethyst a monster? It didn't seem like it. Then again, it was the same for Ruby and Sapphire. They'd been around Peridot for years. No 'diseases' caught yet; at least, there were none visibly affecting her.

She shook her head, sighing to herself as she grabbed her bag from the floor and slung it over a slumped shoulder. Her eyes traced patterns in the speckled tiled floor as she wove through the crowded hallway, having memorized the path to class well into the beginning of the year.

Normally it was a clear shot. Maybe an off timed group of girls coming out of the bathroom, but they made enough noise that she could just step aside and dodge without making eye contact of any sort. This time was different.

She didn't mean to bump into the person standing literally in the middle of the hall. She didn't mean to snap out, "Hey, watch it!" She didn't mean to look up.

But they were the best things she could have done.

Aqua eyes met her own, a churning sea of nothingness. No emotion, no surprise or anger or even distaste. Nothing. Just an empty expanse of beautiful color.

Peridot couldn't help openly gaping as this mystery girl tilted her head, bangs of an off blue-grey falling prey to gravity and swishing against forehead and exposed neck. She couldn't help how her eyes traversed over a low cut shirt, giving a generous view of tanned flesh.

She couldn't help hating every cell in this girl when at last a lifeless voice, sweet but low, flittered to her ears. "Sorry."

The girl blinked, turned away. Walked away. Leaving Peridot standing, caught in the middle of confliction, glaring at a back that retreated silently and swiftly through the crowd.

Peridot didn't realize until the girl was gone that she had been holding her breath.


	3. Chapter 3

She rolled her eyes as she watched her friend show off, seemingly just splashing colors on the white backsheet to create swirls and streaks that magically transformed into known objects. It was frustrating; she spent hours just making an outline (and a very sad one at that) for this girl to just miraculously sprinkle out wonder.

She found herself giving in and listening to the droning coming from the back of the art room. Something regarding a new student. That girl, making Peridot sneer in annoyance. Most seemed aware of her by now, seemed to be making fun of her. If not for her rather low social status, she could have joined in. Something about that mysterious blue eyed fiend just dug beneath her skin.

"Geez, who tied her panties in a bunch?" her friend mocked, snapping her out of her thoughts.

Peridot shook her head before glaring at the much larger person. "Shut your mouth, Jasper."

Her only response was a chuckle and a rough pat on the shoulder. It nearly made her fall from her stool; it was bad enough her feet didn't even touch the floor on this thing. The last thing she needed was to faceplant right in front of the entire class.

"Don't tell me Pipsqueak is trying to boss me around." She could accept the nickname; if it had been anyone else, they'd be in for a serious rumble. But Jasper was the exception.

She sighed, letting her head fall to the table top with a dull 'thud'. She barely missed the paint tray. That would have been one disaster she definitely wasn't trying for.

"Sorry."

Jasper picked up a towel, wiping her fingertips on the clothe to rid herself of the colorfulness. It didn't really work, her pale skin was being stained. But she didn't seem to mind too much as she turned in her seat to face Peridot, who gave little more sign she was even still aware than a tiny grunt.

"What's bothering you? You're mom bitching out on you again?" It wasn't really a question, because they both knew the answer. But it was nice that Jasper found the time to worry about her. A little. Sometimes.

She nodded against her forearms and sighed deeply. Honestly, she just wanted to leave. Go to the Big Donut or maybe down to the beach and just relax. A day in the sun wasn't really her thing, but she could make it her thing given the chance. Even a night of Netflix would be good.

Anything besides another music lesson.

"Oh come on, Peridot. How much longer are you gonna let her treat you that way? Don't be such a wuss! Stand up and say somethi-"

"That's easy for you to say," Peridot hissed, jerking her head up to glare. "You're mother isn't the scariest woman alive, and even if she was you're two times bigger than her!"

And it was true. Where Jasper's mother was a small, frail woman with a loving but very naïve personality, her daughter was well muscled and seemed to eat nails for breakfast every morning. If there was a fight to be had, Jasper was more than likely smack dab in the center. Fortunately, she didn't start them most the time. Most of the time. It seemed she took after her father more than anything.

Not that anyone even knew who her father was. That was one conversation that _would_ leave you on the receiving end of a beating if you brought it up to the girl's face.

Jasper took a moment to absorb the smaller girl's words. Then, she smirked. "See, there we go. There's your backbone, Peridot."

She scoffed, rolling her eyes again as she pushed away from the table. "Just fingerpaint some more, asshole."

The other girl snickered, returning to her picture. "Sure, whatever you say, Peridot."

* * *

She wasn't big on fast food, not really, but the second Amethyst dropped the bag in front of her she was reaching in to grab a burger. "Thanks," she mumbled, laying out a napkin to put her food on so it wouldn't touch the table.

Amethyst grunted, sliding in next to her. "No prob. Hey, listen, so you know the new girl everyone's been gossiping about?"

Peridot groaned, dropping the fry she'd been ready to devour. "Not you, too! Is there anyone else who doesn't care, or is it just me?"

Her friend snickered, running a hand through her hair to push it back. "Nah man. Half the school doesn't even know she's new; they don't care who's here or why. Only reason I even know of her is because she has my physics class."

The blonde rolled her eyes, biting into her burger. She chewed and swallowed before speaking again. "I bumped into her earlier, in the hall."

"Oh? You talk to her? What's she like?"

Peridot thought for a moment, screwing her mouth up in concentration. She grimaced when she thought about the interaction. "I don't know. Cold? Maybe it's just nerves."

Amethyst nodded in understanding, her eyes roaming the cafeteria as she fidgeted in her seat. That was the thing about Amethyst, she never could stay still for very long. A complete contradiction to Pearl; it was a miracle those two even sustained a relationship. Then again... Ruby and Sapphire were that way, too, weren't they?

Before her mind could take her down a long twisting road of thought, Amethyst interrupted it by snickering. Peridot looked over to see what the fuss was about.

"Look at her, she always does that," Amethyst was saying, crossing her arms across her stomach.

Peridot followed her friend's gaze. Pearl. Speak of the devil.

She was leaning over a table, googly eyed, chatting awkwardly with the head of the cheer squad. She was getting a laugh from the strawberry blonde, though the girl's hand remained seemingly attached to her boyfriend's. You could just see the loathing Pearl was experiencing for the poor guy; he was smiling forcibly and fake chuckling right along with everything, though.

"Why do you let her do that?" Peridot couldn't help asking.

Amethyst looked her way, as if in surprise, eyebrows shooting up. "'Let her?' Oh P-dot, you've got a lot to learn about women, dude."

The younger girl could just feel her back tightening as those words sunk in. Was Amethyst implying?.. What?!

Sure, she had a lot of friends that swung that way (that being most of them, actually, come to think of it...) but that didn't make her gay!

She shook her head, clearing her throat as she'd nearly choked on lettuce. "W-what? I don't, I-I don't eve-"

And Amethyst was snickering, trying to keep a straight face and failing miserably. Her shoulders shook with the effort it took not to laugh at the flustered girl. It was so easy to tease her; Peridot was just so adorably gullible.

And Peridot realized she was being led on. Her face contorted into one of disapproval before she dropped her gaze. "You better be lucky I don't like wasting food, because otherwise I'd rub your ugly face in it," she threatened.

Her friend only shrugged, returning her gaze to her girlfriend half way across the room. "Whatever. Anyways, I don't 'let her'. We both know Rose is super in love with that Greg guy. And as long as she doesn't throw herself at Rose, she can flirt all she wants."

The blonde furrowed her brows, thinking over the words. That didn't sound to bad, but she was pretty sure she was the jealous type. Okay, she knew she was the jealous type. She'd get too upset if her boyfriend did that to allow it, even if she knew it wouldn't pan out. It was just inviting the inevitable, and that wouldn't do at all.

"It works for some people," Amethyst murmured, catching the younger girl by surprise. "I know it sounds bad, but it works for us. She knows I love her, and I know she cares about me."

The way she said it sounded... sad. And her eyes flickered something for the briefest of seconds as the silence extended between the two girls. But then she was smiling like her normal self and nudging Peridot.

"Hey, you wanna go talk to the new kid? She's sitting over by the window, I think. All alone; as far as I'm aware, she hasn't really talked to anyone."

Peridot scoffed, shaking her head. "No way. I don't want anything to do with her." The way she said it might have came out a bit harsh, but she was dead set no keeping that premise. Something about the girl just... ugh. She didn't want to deal with her.

But when her friend frowned, giving a pleading look like a puppy begging for food, it was kind of hard to keep that thought in mind.

"Oh come on, P-dot. Please? I promise we'll just say hi. And ask her name. And ask where she's from. And of course ask her to join our table."

Peridot rolled her eyes. But she sighed, and before she could think rationally she was balling up a napkin and stretching, getting ready to stand as she pushed back from the too-tall-for-her table.

"Fine, let's just get this over with."


	4. Chapter 4

Her teeth ground together as she slammed the locker door, ignoring when it bounced back open, the sound echoing through the almost empty room. The few people still changing looked her way, surprised by the noise, surprised by her attitude.

She could care less.

She grabbed the tennis shoe she still had to put on and stomped out, into the gym, into the hell that was physical activity. Already a few of her classmates were helping their coach set up a net for volleyball. She would've cried from annoyance if she was alone.

Peridot sighed as she flopped against a wall, sliding till she was resting on the floor with her knees to her chest. She clutched the shoe tightly in both hands and rested her forehead against her knees, trying to take a deep breath. She knew this wasn't going to go well if she didn't calm down, and the coach already had an eye on her for her, for a lack of better words, hatred toward sports.

Not her fault she wasn't built for that stuff.

"Rabar! Get your butt out here, we're starting a game!" God how she _hated_ that voice with every fiber of her being.

Peridot ground her teeth but pushed herself up using the wall, rolling her shoulders and slipping the shoe on before jogging lightly across the court. She just _loved_ how Ms Mina seemed to single her out every single time where there were still people lounging around, hiding within the locker room or next to the bleachers to use their phones. If she even thought about such an action she was in for detention.

And that was definitely something her mother would freak over. So of course she had to suck it up and deal with the horror that came with this class. It didn't help that she didn't have friends here, either. There was this one guy she occasionally spoke to, Lars, but he had a habit of being a... well not so nice. So that wasn't a normal interaction.

"Serve," Ms Mina grunted, tossing Peridot the ball, hard. It hit her forearms and bounced off, rolling away into a group of girls just off to the side.

She groaned when she heard the coach huff, nearly just turned and walked away when one of the girls gave a disgusted noise before kicking her the ball again. She'd never hit anyone in her life, but people like that made it a hard decision.

Picking up the ball, she strolled over slowly to the line, making sure to take her time to anger the coach. Maybe that's why she was always singled out...

It took a moment to get everyone in place. It took a moment longer for the rules to be broadcasted (for the millionth time) and the game to start. Peridot didn't even really try when she served, mainly because she never made it over the net.

She was too short and hit too softly for such a thing to ever occur, even when she was angry.

Speaking of which, her mind began to drift back to the cause of her mood. Sure, she'd been expecting to hate that new chick, but Lapis just made it so easy to loathe her instead. It was immediate disliking, on a whole new level for Peridot.

* * *

She walked slowly, following Amethyst with a tight frown and rolling her eyes the entire time. It only took a moment to cross over to the window seats, and just as Amethyst had said, there was that new girl. All alone, texting or whatever on her phone.

As they approached, Peridot allowed her eyes to roam briefly. The girl was sitting cross legged, slouched, baggy jeans and a loose hoodie obscuring most of her features. But her skin was a nice color, naturally tanned by the sun, and her facial features were rather soft. She was actually pretty, adorable even as she screwed up her mouth tightly in thought.

It only made Peridot's frown increase, arms crossing defensively over her chest.

Before she could react she was being pushed down in the seat directly across from the girl, who neither looked up nor spoke. Amethyst flumped down next to Peridot and leaned back in her chair.

"Yo, how's it hanging?"

The girl took a moment to finish whatever she was doing; Peridot couldn't help watching those lithe fingers travel across the screen with utter ease. Then the screen went black and the girl's head snapped up, eyeing the two of them.

Eyeing Peridot.

"What?" There was that voice again. It was so dull and so bright at the same time, a contradiction in itself. Something in Peridot both hated and loved it at the same time.

Amethyst chuckled and leaned back forward, blowing the hair from her face. "I said, 'how's it hanging?'. What, you never heard that before?"

The girl blinked, and though Peridot was sure she was listening to every word Amethyst spoke, those cerulean orbs never left her. It was creepy in so many ways yet it also made a chill run up her spine. Unpleasant, yes, but also exhilarating. A roller coaster of feelings.

"No." It was so blunt and forward. No wonder no one wanted to hang out with this girl. The only reason Peridot stayed where she was at all was because she found she couldn't move.

She couldn't give up that gaze. That unblinking, terrifying gaze. That wonderful, mysterious gaze.

It seemed Amethyst hadn't really come prepared for that. Maybe she had heard some of the gossip and thought people were just exaggerating like they normally do. But judging from her classmates murmurs, Peridot was finding this girl to be exactly as she'd imagined.

And, in a way, more. A very scary way.

She swallowed, and those blue eyes followed the movement of her through. She fidgeted as the silence dwelled and those thin but pink lips twitched. She tried looking away and found she couldn't.

"What's your name?" Amethyst finally asked, and it was then that Peridot could see how even her friend was getting uncomfortable. This wasn't exactly the good idea it had been made out to be.

"Lapis."

 _That's really pretty_ , Peridot thought before she could stop herself. And then she was cursing herself, rolling her eyes at her own mind. It made Lapis smirk, she realized, and once more she tried looking away. Until that girl spoke, directly to her for the first time, and with more than one word.

"You look way too short for high school."

Peridot had never gone from confused to enraged so fast in her life. It was bad enough that she had to live every day knowing she had some sort of growth defect. It was another thing when someone, a complete stranger at that, had to just point it out.

Was it just that everyone here had no mental filter or something?

She ground her teeth, immediately standing up from the table, starting Amethyst who had actually chuckled up until that point. Lapis just kept looking at her with this bored expression, like whatever was happening was the least of her cares.

And maybe it was. But that didn't change the fact that Peridot not only didn't like this girl, but that she wanted to actually hit her. That was a line she rarely crossed but she was seriously considering it for a moment.

But then she realized that she was letting someone get under her skin. She was overreacting. And that just pissed her off even more.

She found herself walking away, Amethyst jumping up and calling for her, and Lapis still watching her. She could feel those eyes digging into her back. She refused to acknowledge them, though.

* * *

The ball hit her directly in the face, making her yelp and stagger back, tripping over her own two feet and hitting the floor hard. Even laying there momentarily dazed she could hear the laughter, piercing her eardrums. She blinked and simply stared up at the overhead lights for a long moment before a body was blocking them from her view.

"Rabar, you okay girl?" It was her coach, eyeing her with a smirk. Peridot knew she was probably one of the first to laugh before she'd come see if her student was okay.

She nodded, furrowing her brow and lifting up onto her elbows. "Yeah, sorry. I didn't see that coming."

The snickers that followed made her want to curl up somewhere and die. _Sure, laugh all you want,_ she thought bitterly. She silently wished the worst upon all of them.

"Get up, we have a game to finish," Ms Mina informed her, and she listened to the retreating footsteps as the coach turned and ran after the ball.

She got up slowly, carefully, dusting off the backs of her shorts and straightening her top. She cracked her neck and, ignoring the still chuckling gaggle of girls, walked away. Even knowing there was no way the coach wasn't going to chew her out for it, she took the chance and headed back for the locker room.

She shrugged off the calling of her last name, pushed through the door into the room. She immediately headed for her locker, which still hung wide open as she'd left it.

Fuck it. It was nearly time to go, anyways. She'd endure however many laps Ms Mina decided to burden her with tomorrow. Today, she was so done. With everything.

It was just too much.

* * *

A/N: Hey! I just want to say thanks to everyone who's read and commented. It really means a lot.

Since most of the gems/characters in SU don't exactly have last names (and I'm the worst at naming) I'm using variations of the voice actor(ess)(e)s names. Just putting that out there.

Please, if you have any suggestions or opinions on my writing, you know what to do! Appraisal and criticism is welcome! Thanks! -Sara


	5. Chapter 5

It was hard to find time to herself. Between her mother's horrid lessons and school, Peridot found herself tossed from one place to another, none of them for long and none of them her idea of fun.

Every once in a while, though, she found a place where she could say she was comfortable. The seaside was one of those places. The beach wasn't a place she enjoyed, per say, but it was quiet and spacious. It gave her this feeling of independence.

The sand was itchy, warmed by the sun and damp from the high tide, as she sat down on it. She crossed her legs and tapped in the passcode to her phone, half-heartedly picking at the hem of her jeans.

Ruby had texted. Something about a party Peridot definitely wasn't into. And Amethyst had immediately texted after saying there was no way Peridot was getting out of going to said party. She couldn't help rolling her eyes when she saw that, having known it would happen.

Amethyst was predictable. It was a good thing in a lot of ways.

Peridot typed a quick message, something along the lines of "sure, whatever you say," before dropping her phone down beside her and taking a deep breath. The sunlight felt surprisingly nice, and she leaned back on her palms to relax more. Maybe she'd try tanning again; she heard it was really terrible for her skin but that didn't seem to stop anyone else.

Not that she really cared about anyone else. Just a thought.

She closed her eyes, still seeing the sun behind her eyelids as her face turned skyward. It was kind of cool, seeing the yellow outline despite not really looking at it. She briefly wondered if anyone else also did things like this. Wondered about the simplest things, about nature and their existence among the stars. Maybe she was just overthinking everything again. Probably, actually. She had a habit of doing that, she'd been told.

Those thoughts were thrust aside, however, when a toy airplane came slamming into the side of her head, making her gasp and yelp and flail as if battling an invisible force.

God dammit! Was everyone just against her today?

She groaned at the dull throb that started behind her ear, rubbing along her temple where the horrid toy had come bombarding at her from absolutely nowhere. She didn't realize someone was beside her suddenly until a throat was cleared, making her nearly jump from her very skin.

She glared, looking upward, squinting through the rays of sun. Of course it was the one person she loathed seeing.

"What the hell was that for?" Peridot growled, baring her teeth to the girl standing inches from her.

Lapis, bored expression in tow, shrugged, flicking her bang out of her face. "Sorry. You make a habit of being in the way."

The smaller girl tensed, teeth grinding and a hiss much like her cat when angry made coming from her lips. " _I_ get in the way? _Excuse me_? Who do you think you are?!"

Her uninvited guest only answered with a shrug, and it was only then Peridot really looked at her. Like, _really_ looked at her.

89% of skin was in plain sight. Only her unmentionables were covered really, by the skimpiest of a dark ocean blue material. A surprisingly adorable belly button piercing was on view, a heart-shaped thing. Partial abs flexed and smooth, soft skin protected by sunscreen lotion welcomed the sun.

Peridot couldn't lie. Her eyes wondered, and she liked what she saw. It made her insane jealous. Her figure wasn't terrible, but she was definitely not that athletic, so no muscle could be seen on her. This girl, however, she did something that brought out her strength. Those long, tempting legs helped, too...

Peridot shook her head, eyes darting away and she scowled and reached blindly for the plane she knew had fallen beside or partially behind her. She found it, but her fingers grazed someone else's.

Lapis didn't jerk back. Instead, as if annoyed, she pushed harder against Peridot's and forced the other girl to retreat, taking the plane herself. She smirked as she watched the younger girl blush, the color on her cheeks really pronounced against her pale skin.

"I'm a Messiah," she joked quietly, clutching the plane to her chest, hoping in a way it got some sort of response. A chuckle or at least a sideways glance would be nice.

But Peridot clenched the hand hidden beside her thigh and decided the ocean was so much more interesting than Lapis. At least she sorta liked the ocean. Somewhat. Lapis was a totally different thing, though.

"Ha, ha," she muttered sarcastically, rolling her eyes and letting her other hand run through her hair, pushing it back. "Whatever. Just, stay away from me."

It came out harsh, and in a way she was glad for that. Hopefully this girl would get the message and leave her alone. What a thought. That it could be that easy, that painless. But life always throws a curveball.

"I don't think I want to do that," Lapis said, and though she smirked and winked when Peridot looked up in surprise, the first time she'd shown any emotion other than complete dead boredom, it didn't seem like a joke. Not like her joke earlier.

But certainly that was all it was. It would be weird if it was anything else.

Peridot didn't get to think of some smooth comeback or ask what this girl's game was. Lapis turned and began waltzing away, retreating along the beach, close enough to the water's edge for the frothy substance to lap at her feet and lick up her ankles with foam. In the sunlight, she looked like a model or movie star. Someone who should be on the front page of a magazine.

It made Peridot jealous again, but she pulled her eyes away from the sight and silently cursed Lapis in her head. What a total pain in the ass. She refused to let her get under her skin.

Ever though she had a feeling it was already too late for that.

She shook her head, picking up her phone and shoving it in her front pocket without checking the notifications that blared at her on her home screen. She didn't really care right now, even less than was normal. She just wanted to go somewhere, anywhere, that Lapis wasn't.

Home seemed like the best option.

Besides, she apparently had a party to get ready for.

* * *

 **A/N** : _Hey guys! Sorry for the cliché haha. Can't seem to help it. Thanks to everyone for commenting! Stay awesome! -Sara_


	6. Chapter 6

Ruby's parties were never like other parties. Sure, there were the stashed boozes and weed, and sure the music was turned up way too loud halfway through the evening. But the drinks didn't come out until after, the dancing wasn't erotic, the upstairs bedrooms weren't occupied.

It was fun and open and carefree, but not overwhelming. Only Ruby's friends were invited, which consisted of fifteen to eighteen people respectively. No overcrowding, no immaturity. Just juvenile ignorance.

But that didn't mean Peridot couldn't silently complain every single second she sat there on the patio deck chair. It didn't mean her smile to those that passed wasn't forced. It didn't mean she had to partake in anything that happened.

Sapphire had come out an hour or so after the party began. She wasn't big on crowds, even small ones, so she'd accompanied the blonde and fallen asleep in her chair soon after. Peridot wasn't sure what to think of Sapphire, really. She was so quiet and so all-knowing.

It was a wonder how she could deal with Ruby's loud, ridiculous, random nature. Half the time it was a mystery how _Ruby_ could deal with Ruby.

Peridot pushed the thoughts away, grumbling under her breath as she scuffled from the chair to stand and stretch. The sun had moved in the sky since she'd been here; where it had been touching the tree line, it now dipped down and under to hide within the brambling branches.

A smear of mixed orange-pink inched up and across the sky, threatening to overthrow the deep set blueish violet. It was beauty in natural form, open and aware and showing. Imperfection somehow achieving perfection.

She shook her head, pushing her glasses, which had slipped, back up her nose. She could clearly see she'd accidentally touched the edge. That smudge would annoy her until she cleaned it off, but she couldn't bring her lazy self to worry with it at the given moment.

She pulled open the sliding glass door leading into the kitchen, slipping inside quietly and only half shutting the door again. Even from outside you could hear the music, something pop and overused, but from where she now stood she was ready to say it was making her ears bleed. She could just see the walls vibrating, sound waves reverberating, and wondered who was in charge of the stereo right now.

Her quiet contemplations were answered when she scrambled her way through a small gathering of people out into the open living room. She frowned. Of course it was Jasper.

Honestly, Peridot was surprised Ruby and her still talked at all. Last time Jasper had shown her face in the same room as the much smaller girl, she'd gotten punched in the nose by offering a less than subtle opinion on what she thought of Ruby's cousin, Garnet. Needless to say, that went very badly.

"Hey," she near shouted when she caught sight of the well built girl standing in the corner, talking to some guy.

Jasper seemed to hear her, amber eyes flickering up briefly before she was smiling at something her partner said, chuckling lightly. She made no attempt to go over to Peridot, however.

The blonde rolled her eyes, mentally flipping her off but not bothering with actually saying anything. She had to get out of here anyways; her head was pounding, threatening to split if she stayed near the blasting speakers any longer.

She found herself back in the kitchen, snagging a Cola from the fridge and popping the top as she slunk back out to the patio.

She was alone this time, though. Sapphire must have awoken and gone to find either Ruby or one of their other friends, because her chair sat bare beside the tiny side table. The rest of the patio, pool included surprisingly, remained devoid of life. Peridot found both comfort and utter boredom in that.

Maybe she shouldn't have thought about the boredom aspect though. Or maybe she just wasn't allowed to be comfortable. Whatever it was, she jumped when the sliding glass door jerked open then slammed shut behind her. She turned sharply in alarm, nearly dropping her drink, scowling and glaring when the taller girl smirked at her.

"What's the matter, don't tell me I scared you?" Jasper teased, crossing her arms across her chest and leaning back against the doorframe.

Even though it was so very childish, Peridot couldn't help herself from sticking out her tongue. She muttered out, "Whatever," and turned back to her chair, flopping down without care.

She heard a deep set chuckle as she sipped the cooled beverage. "Come on, you seem so tense. It's a party for a reason. Lose the attitude or I'll make you."

"Your threats are irrelevant. I have nothing to say," Peridot grumbled. She knew it sounded robotic, did it on purpose. It was funny when Jasper's face contorted in annoyance, her whole body kind of tensing with the emotion. Even without looking back she could see it perfectly in her head.

"God, you're the worst," her friend huffed, lumbering over and sitting down surprisingly easy in the empty patio chair. "Get an actually life, you nerd."

Peridot chuckled and set her drink down on the table between them. She shifted until she found a semi decent seating arrangement and then relaxed back. "But then I'd have to stop talking to you."

The look of pure feigned anger on Jasper's face made her nearly cackle, and she was up and running for her life before the other girl could even think. But then the chase was on. It was a bad thing Peridot sucked at sports; maybe they would come in handy whenever these little scenes occurred. And there was always one, at every party. It was kind of like a tradition between the two.

Of course she went directly for the pool, trying to run around it before Jasper caught up. Of course Jasper did catch up, being the more in shape one. Of course Peridot found herself falling, weightless. Of course the water caught her with open arms as she flailed and gasped, beating at the substance with fervor.

She coughed and sputtered when she managed back to the surface, glaring up at her friend, who only smirked and placed her hands on her hips sassily.

"Thanks, now my clothes are soaked," Peridot growled, even though the smile was evident on her face, even though the stated fact was so obvious it was painful.

Jasper shrugged, turning and starting to walk away like everything was okay. "Not my problem, Peridot."

"Fuck you," Peridot snickered, wading toward the shallow end. Even through the blinking to keep the water out her eyes and cheeky grin that only succeeded in getting water in her mouth, she saw Jasper flip her off.

It only made her smile wider, for the first time in a while. And she was grateful for that.


	7. Chapter 7

Nerves had always been an issue. Now more than ever.

Peridot swallowed uneasily, fidgeting, tugging at the sleeve of her blouse subconsciously. That only resulted in a heated glance from her mother and a stern frown that had her straightening her back but wincing away.

She listened to her competitors. To the beautiful violin solos and the astounding singers. They were wondrous and so talented and everything _she_ lacked. What sort of chance did she have out there? In three years, she hadn't won even runner up in this competition. That was borderline pathetic.

Who was she kidding? That _was_ pathetic. And her mother made sure she knew it, too.

Her mother leaned in, never actually looking her way, as the violinist began the final notes to his piece. "This is it. For the love of God, Peridot, don't disappoint me again."

She could only nod, throat so tightly constricted she could barely breath let alone think about actually making sound. It was enough. But her confidence was quickly degenerating as her mother stepped back and she was left, waiting for her name to be called up to the piano.

The final, sharp note of the previous instrument rang in the air, true. She listened to it like it was a death bell, stomach dropping out below her. She listened to the quiet, respectful clapping. She listened as the microphone was brought back out by Mayor Dewey.

She listened as her name was called out, as if she stood on death row awaiting the inevitability of her demise. Her palms felt moist, mouth like a desert, feet like lead. But she stepped out onto that stage.

The crowd hushed as she nervously strode forth, brimming with a sort of forced pride that had her knees buckling and her breath hesitant but her back stiff and her eyes forward. This was it. This was her time to shine. And dammit she was going to do just that!

She turned to the crowd, her pale emerald gown swishing about her as she briefly bowed. She felt hot and itchy, the material foreign and strange. She felt exposed. But as long as her eyes barely hovered above those heads, seeing but not seeing the people in their seats, she was fine.

She turned her back on the crowd. Her elevated platform slippers tapped gently on the wooden stage. And then she was seated before the one thing that both comforted and terrorized her.

Those keys beckoned her hands forth. Those music sheets screamed encouragement. Her breath evened out, then stilled altogether. Her fingers rested on the first keys. The theatre hushed, silence save the static in the air that buzzed in your ears.

Then, she began to play.

Softly, purposefully. Fingers working magic along the smooth, polished keys and sound floating from within the instrument. She didn't need the music sheet for this part. She knew it by heart, and her eyes drifted shut as she blocked out the world.

It was just her, and it was just this, and she was okay. She was okay.

* * *

Her mother wouldn't look at her when she returned back stage. She didn't blame the woman, not really. So she just left her there to boil over her 'inadequate' performance. It was safer that way then a head on approach.

Peridot needed the air anyway. Her cheeks and neck felt heat stricken and her palms were so wet you'd think she'd stuck them in water. It didn't help that she kept wiping them on the dress, only to freak out and smooth out the material, as if she had just ruined it.

A light breeze was blowing as she pushed through the door, cold enough to make her shiver but gentle enough to coax her out. It was nice, and with the setting sun looming in the background, it almost delivered some sort of alluring charm. Like a movie, or romance book. Cliché.

Her arms snaked around her middle subconsciously, feet taking her away from the door. It made a gentle 'click' sound as it reclosed. It left her out here alone and to her thoughts.

Which, in so many ways, was such a bad thing.

Peridot chewed on the inside of her cheek, scrunching up her nose as she contemplated her own performance. Definitely better than last year. But still not enough to win top place. She had, once again, overestimated the timing for that particularly bumpy section and messed up. It had been the only flaw, though. Of that she was certain.

But almost perfect wasn't good enough. Almost perfect didn't get her achievements. Almost perfect didn't get her mother's approval.

Was that even what she was going for any longer, though?

"I thought you were pretty good," a voice spoke out softly from the side, startling Peridot enough that she jumped and turned on her heel. It was a good thing the dress stopped midway up her calf; if it had been body-length, she surely would've made herself to be a fool.

She knew that voice, despite her reaction. She knew that face when her eyes landed on it. That was obvious by the way her brows dropped and her eyes narrowed.

"What are you doing here?"

The blue-haired girl smirked, but it was soft and offering more than normal. Almost as if she was forfeiting their little game for now. And maybe she was. Her eyes didn't scream tease and she didn't seem to be lying about her statement.

"You were good. Even at the fast part. I don't know the piece, but you almost nailed it."

Peridot scoffed, jaw clenching as she turned back to face the door. It crossed her mind that she could walk away and avoid any further conversation. It also crossed her mind that she could throw in a few rude, rather demeaning phrases as well.

But something kept her rooted to her spot, and she simply shrugged. "Didn't answer my question."

"No, I didn't." It still caught the younger girl off guard, this act of side-skirting straightforwardness. Like she wanted to talk to Peridot, but she also didn't really know how.

Or maybe she was just naturally an ass. Either was plausible at this point.

Peridot hugged her stomach tighter, almost leaning in on herself as a bitter breeze snuck in and wrapped around her shoulders, blowing her hair into her face. She shook her head, as if it would somehow help.

"Thank you," she murmured dully, her feet already moving forward. She didn't want to be here any longer, yet wanted to stay for the rest of the evening. Something drew her in but forced her out all at once in the presence of this girl. It was maddening.

Lapis' jaw tightened as she watched the girl before her trying to leave. She didn't want her to do that.

The way her dress got caught up in the wind, billowing out around her like some sort of magnificent cape, was beautiful. The way her hair was ruffled and slightly unkempt was adorable. She wanted to reach out and brush the loose strands away from her face, ever gently.

Her hands clenched at the very idea and she crossed her arms, leaning back against the alleyway wall. Sure it was dingy and grimy and probably filthy. Sure, she didn't trust that she wouldn't catch some untreatable disease just from the very sight of it. But she didn't trust herself so close to Peridot.

So... a skin eating parasitic leech was better... right?

"You're welcome."

She thought she saw Peridot's shoulders tense, just the smallest bit. She thought she saw a creeping half-smile half-grimace trying to situate itself on Peridot's face. But she knew for a fact Peridot glanced at her before reaching out for the door handle, letting herself slip back into the theatre.

And Lapis knew for a fact her nails were digging into the flesh of her palms the whole time.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: Hey, guys! So, this chapter is going to be a bit different, thanks to an idea I got from a friend of mine. So far, we've been enraptured by Peri's life alone. But, what about Lapis? So, I'm thinking I give the POV change a try. If you guys don't like it, we just pretend this chap never happened and go back to Peri. Sound fair? Yes? No? Great!

Also, thank you to all of you that've voted and commented, it's appreciated! Anyways, on with the story. -L&L

* * *

Her keys made a resonating 'tink' as they fell into the bowl, jacket being shrugged off of stiff shoulders. "Mom, I'm home," she offered out, stepping from her flip flops and pushing them to the door side.

She didn't get a reply, but that was expected. She knew her mother was probably upstairs anyways; even though the move was supposed to have helped with her depression, she still spent most days wallowing in self hate as Lapis tried finding activities to keep her out the house. It was horribly normal at this point.

Her hands came up as she mussed down her wind beaten hair, feet taking her forward. Through the sitting area, a sparsely decorated room with no more than a couch and small TV, to the kitchen, where the remainder of their unopened boxes held possessions too menial to need at the given moment.

She nearly gasped aloud when she found her mother hunched over, sitting on the single wooden stool with elbows propping up her pale arms and heavy head. Her dull blonde hair fell down, covering her shoulders, creating a veil that kept Lapis from seeing her face.

She didn't need to, though. Her mother's shaking shoulders and almost silent sniffles told her what was going on. It felt wrong to leave her there, even though she really didn't know what to do. So she put on the best smile she could fake and leaned against the doorway, trying to ignore that her stomach was rumbling. She didn't want to go in that room, even under necessity.

"Hey, mom. Glad to see you're up and moving..." Yeah, it didn't sound sincere, even when she tried. In all honesty, it sounded berating in a way.

Her mother either didn't hear or didn't care. Her huddled form continued to shake, weeping, and her voice didn't perk up. It was a pitiful sight to see her mother like this. But it had been this way for nearly a year.

Ever since Lapis' aunt had died. And, in a way, Lapis could understand. Her aunt had been the type of person that lead, that anyone could listen to and respect and appreciate. She had been that one rock for her younger sister, keeping her safe and sane after it became known that Lapis' father was... heavy handed.

"Okay, um... I was going to go out tomorrow, pick a few things up. I think I marked everything we really need but, I mean, if there's anything you need...?"

No answer. Lapis found herself smiling regardless, the gesture simply for herself, and she cleared her throat, not knowing what else to do. "I'll uh,... I'll see you later, then."

And she stepped back, momentarily pausing to see if that elicited a reaction from the woman at all. Nothing, save a slightly less muffled, shuddering sob. She winced and turned, wanting, needing to get out.

* * *

A shiver managed to overtake her spine as she stepped through the cafe's door, the bell sounding out above her head. The warm air that assaulted her was what made her shudder again, such a contrast to the air outside. It was nippy today, no doubt about it.

A girl was sitting behind the counter, Sadie if memory served her correctly, and Lapis was actually grateful that it wasn't the other guy that worked here. Lars, she thought his name was. What a sexist dick.

From over the top of a paperback novel, Sadie threw her a smile and a wave, pushing her dirty blonde hair from her eyes and glossing over the page number before closing her book.

"Hey, how are you?"

Lapis shrugged, slipping from her jacket and tossing it onto a random chair before strutting to the counter. She leaned against it, eyes glossing over the pastries on display. "Eh, not complaining. Kinda bummed out that it's too cold out to be on the beach."

Sadie nodded, propping her elbows up on the clear counter and resting her chin in her hands. "I think a lot of people are. Steven came by earlier, made Amethyst pay for a large box of chocolate donuts since they couldn't go build sand castles like she promised."

Lapis gave a small chuckle, even though she had no idea who this Steven person was. Amethyst was that girl from lunch, though, she was pretty sure. Weird girl, very extroverted. But friendly enough, if you were interested.

But that thought only led her back to a certain geeky blonde, and that just made her frown. Peridot was... something else. Even Lapis herself was surprised at the interest she felt for the four-eyed, spiky haired, surprisingly musical nerd. And that wasn't okay.

Not even a little.

"Hey, you okay?" Sadie questioned, pulling Lapis from her own thoughts, and she blinked to find a hand waving in front of her face. "You just kinda zoned out there," Sadie clarified, eyes scrunching in question.

Lapis threw a small shrug and pushed her hair back, sighing. "It's cool. I'll take a bagel, please. Er, make it two. I'm starved."

The blonde in front of her chuckled, sliding from her seat even though her eyes remained on Lapis. "Then why stop here? There's like, three fast food places in this town. Go get pizza or something."

Standing straight and watching the display case being slid open, Lapis winked playfully. "But I want to see you."

Sadie snorted, grabbing a bag and sliding the two bagels inside. "Yeah, right. And I believe in the 'Rock People' Ronaldo keeps posting about on his blog."

The two giggled at the statement, Lapis eventually rolling her eyes as she shoved a few wadded up dollar bills on the counter. "Thanks. See ya around, I guess."

The blonde nodded, opening up the cash register. "Later, alligator."


	9. Chapter 9

_A/N: Still Lapis' PoV, mainly because I already had a few more chapters planned for her but also because of the support I got for my decision. Speaking of which, thanks to everyone who voted/commented! Means a lot!_

 _I'm backed in a corner when it comes to time right now so the next few updates may be a little iffy. Don't worry, I'm working on a schedule, I'm not just dropping this. That said, please continue supporting haha._

 _Without further ado, let the story begin! -L &L_

* * *

She figured an afterschool activity was probably a good idea. It'd give her a chance to try blending in with one crowd or another, a reason to stay away from home. Besides, she was actually pretty interested in the volleyball team. That wasn't to say she was good, just interested.

Other than that, she was considering the swimming team. She was hesitant about that, though. They had an entire ocean just a ways from the school; why would someone in their right mind settle for a chlorine infested pool over open, unexplored blue?

She wasn't the only one standing awkwardly in front of the activity board, and for that she was kind of grateful, but the girl just a foot away gave her goosebumps.

She was massive, so bulky it was questionable if she wasn't already part of weightlifting or wrestling. But her face was softer, silky blonde covering one eye, thick lips pulled up in a sideways smirk. Even then, Lapis inched to the right just a tad bit more.

Sighing, knowing she had less than two minutes before her next class began, she made the decision based solely on what sheet was closest. Of course when she went to add her name her pen had to desert her, leaving her stranded there scribbling at the paper's corner like a dope.

A surprising raspy chuckle reached her ears and when she quirked her head to the left, she nearly jumped. The girl was right there, one had on her hip and the other currently offering her what looked like a brand new blue pen.

She eyed the instrument like it was a bomb, mouth opening but then closing and eyes darting up to meet the other's. She didn't expect the smirk to evolve into an off, toothy grin.

"Volleyball, huh? Tried it my first year, only made it half a semester before I was kicked out. Too aggressive." That voice was so shockingly deep, but not all that unpleasant. She found she both liked and hated it, but she only shrugged and accepted the pen, clicking it before attempting to sign again.

Success.

"What are you taking?" she asked, only because she felt guilty about just leaving after this girl had at least tried talking to her.

The blonde shrugged, taking the pen back and twisting it between her fingers, eyes once more gluing to the board. "Don't really know," she grunted. "Done wrestling last year. Not really smart enough for any of the academic clubs. Don't really do team player, so no basketball."

Lapis followed the girl's words, eyes darting to the sign up sheets of each activity spoken about. Until her eyes landed on the band club, a single name written in bold green shining out from the others. Peridot.

She nearly snickered. Of course Peridot would be part of the band. The way she played last Wednesday was astounding; Lapis kind of wanted to hear her play again, though she knew that was most likely impossible. The girl didn't even like her.

Not that she cared.

"I gotta go," she stated quietly, the warning bell overhead making her nearly jump as it brutally ripped her from her thoughts.

The blonde next to her grunted again in understanding, throwing a half-hearted wave her way. "Sure, see ya around."

* * *

A humid day turned, not surprisingly, into a dreary one when thunder clouds rolled around some time after sixth block. She was kind of grateful, she loved the rain and it gave her something to occupy her mind with when her calculus teacher was literally the most boring person she'd ever met in her life.

But the problem was, she didn't have an umbrella. Or a car. So when the last bells rang and she was standing just by the school exit, watching the once dry sidewalk being assaulting, she found herself frowning. She'd have to wait; no way her mother would pick her up.

That was not a pleasant thought. Being at school any longer than necessary was horrid, and was the only reason she didn't go off on people; there was no way she was spending two hours of her afternoon in detention with a bunch of snappy idiots thinking they own the place.

Sliding down the wall, she let herself rest on the floor, bag underneath her knees, which were up to her chest, arms wrapped around them. She watched as the last few students for third load boarded their respective buses and left.

And then she was alone, the central heat cut off so nothing sounded overhead. It was eerily quiet, deserted. Like the beginning of some bad quality slasher movie, her being the first to die just so you could catch a glimpse of how terrible the rest of the thing was going to be.

She let her head fall, resting on her knees. Let her eyes slide shut.

Maybe she drifted off, she couldn't be certain. But that had to have been the case, no way she wouldn't have heard the footsteps otherwise.

The clearing of a throat caught her attention, and her stiff neck shot a pang down her spine in anger when she lifted a heavy head. She almost laughed when she saw who it was.

Fate works in mysterious ways, and she certainly believed in it. No other way to explain how the short blonde could be standing before her now, the most adorable alien umbrella she'd ever seen already opened and galoshes a size too big covering her feet.

"Are you waiting for someone?" came the nasally, high voice. She smirked and shook her head, letting her legs relax a little.

"Does it matter?"

Peridot opened her mouth to speak, but closed it and narrowed her eyes at Lapis. "Yes. Because if you're not, I'm offering you a way outside without getting wet."

Lapis' smile grew as a hand came up to brush through her bangs. "I'll be wet either way."

She nearly choked on her own repressed laughter when the girl cocked her head, obviously trying to decipher the words. That was before understanding blanketed her face, and she was suddenly hissing and throwing her hands up in exasperated disbelief.

Lapis couldn't hold her laughter back this time; Peridot looked so much like a little kid throwing a tantrum, the redness in her cheeks making it all the more memorable.

"Whatever, dork," Peridot threw her way, stomping away. "Stay here all night, then. See if I care."

Even though her shoulders still shook with silent chuckles, Lapis pushed herself up, slinging her bag over her shoulder and catching up to the blonde just as the main doors were being pushed open. She snatched the umbrella before complaints could be made and rushed outside, greeting the cold air and bounding down the steps in easy leaps.

When she turned around, the blonde was glaring down at her, hatred so clear on her features it actually made Lapis pause. But she wasn't one to show much, so she just put on her best smirk and crossed her arms, listening to the pattering of rain against the umbrella for a long moment.

Then, "Come on. I'm not just leaving you here."

Peridot growled, pulling her open jacket closer to her body to fight off the nagging cold. Her eyes darted from the blue haired monster standing idly with her umbrella up into the dark swirl that was the sky. She really, really didn't want to do this this afternoon.

"At least get back here so I don't get wet," Peridot countered, and she winced at her own voice, clearly hearing the whiny plead within it.

Lapis frowned, gripping the handle tighter and shoving her free hand into her front pocket. "No way. Come on, it's literally six- no, seven steps. I'm right here."

She'd never seen someone look so scared to step out into the rain. It was like a cat when you introduced him to the bath. Fear and anger and confusion melding together to create this horrific emotion that completely overtook your face and made it look both terrifying and comical.

She actually... kind of felt bad. Kind of.

Peridot sighed, wrapping her arms around herself and pressing her back to the closed glass door. "Please, Lapis? Just come back up."

That tugged at the other girl's chest, making her eyebrows furrow and her frown to turn into a straight line. She felt bad, now. Because her teasing was just making the other girl retreat seemingly into herself. If this was some fear, albeit strange fear, she didn't mean to push.

Sighing, she shrugged and smiled up at the blonde before completely ditching the umbrella. Letting it fall to her side and allowing the chilled raindrops to cascade down from above, soaking her through in less than a minute. And Peridot could only stare, eyes wide even as her glasses fogged over, making it harder to make out the other girl.

Lapis grinned brighter, arms outstretching, twirling in a slow circle, before looking back at Peridot.

"Now I'm wet, too. It's fair, right?"

Something inside the blonde chastised herself, jaw clenching. It was rain. That was it. And Lapis... she made it look almost fun to be standing in the middle of a storm, hair clinging to damp skin and clothes laden with water, weighing her down.

Lapis closed the umbrella, shaking her head. If Peridot wouldn't join her, that was fine. She was already drenched, no point in getting help anymore. She could walk home alone.

She began the ascent back up, only to stop in pleasant surprise when the blonde stepped out and into the mess, hugging herself but smiling regardless. A shy, small smile that reached her eyes. Mirth danced in the emerald ocean, surprising Lapis even greater. Because it wasn't directed at the rain, or the umbrella she was now offering. It was directed at her, and her alone.

Even when spiked hair was being flattened by water, glasses fogged with clinging droplets, stupid galoshes rendered completely useless, Peridot still smiled and still let out a nasally laugh. And it made Lapis smile in turn.

Before her mind caught up with her.

And then she was only half smiling, berating herself internally but offering the umbrella and, ultimately, her hand. Even with that voice in the back of her head, she laughed with Peridot. Even with her conscious telling her she was a fool, she let the doubt roll off her shoulders.

It didn't matter that she was biting her tongue hard enough to taste copper the entire time.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N:** _Guys. I'm sorry -_- BUT! Back and ready for some Lapidot greatness c:_

 _And thank everyone for reading, voting, and commenting! Couldn't do it without you guys!_ -Sara

* * *

She smirked, hands coming up to run through her wet hair. Her breathing was a little fast, but it was nothing compared to the girl before her who was glaring with obsidian eyes. Eyes that could've killed, as the saying went.

"No fair," the girl sneered, misty ocean blue board being tossed down rather harshly. She sneered as she eyed Lapis with fervor. "You had to have cheated!" It was rather amusing, watching her mouth and nose contort like they were doing.

"Maybe you're just not as good as you like to think," Lapis replied pointedly, beginning to turn around to head back over to the towel she'd brought to tan on.

She heard the girl swear, could just envision the thought of clobbering her that was flying through that head. But, luckily for her, she was just called a few choice words before being left alone.

She wasn't much for competition. She didn't see a point in things like that; they just didn't really appeal to her. But it was definitely satisfying to see someone throw a hissy fit after talking smack like that. Those wins were always worth the pain of being back-talked by some prissy brat or rich kid.

The sun was perfect, air warm and inviting without being stuffy. The sand was a tad bit uncomfortable, but once she laid back out on her magenta towel, that wasn't a problem. She sighed in relief as she closed her eyes and rested her cheek on her forearms. Now, it was alone time, and she was just going to enjoy it.

* * *

She must have dozed off, because her eyes were jolted open when a voice spoke up near her. She groaned; the skin on her back felt too tight, and her muscles cramped when she tried swiveling her head. Yeah, she could just feel the pain of a sunburn settling in.

That voice didn't sound familiar, just really loud and obnoxious. Like it was pulling at her eardrums and making her wince because it was too high and too all-knowing.

She pushed herself up gently, groaning again when she tried sitting on her butt, only to realize the backs of her thighs were like hot coal where they touched the towel's material. It wasn't necessarily painful, just unpleasant.

She looked over to find the source of the intrusion, a tall, lanky girl with shortly clipped brunette hair and clothes that screamed five years old. She was facing the opposite direction, phone pressed to her ear, talking loudly and gesturing profusely to someone who couldn't see. Lapis had the mean thought that if she was on the other end of that line, she'd definitely hang up.

Lapis sighed, wincing as she stretched, trying to ignore the burning in her flesh as she ran her hands over her face and down her neck, yawning quietly. Probably time to go home. Or, just go home long enough to change and then head out for dinner.

Yeah, that sounded better. Frankly, she didn't feel like dealing with the depression that permeated every microscopic particle in that house.

It took a couple minutes to successfully stand and gather her things, slipping on the jacket she'd brought and balling the towel up beneath her arm. She turned to walk further down the beach instead of towards the town, hoping to avoid the still present woman.

It was a longer walk, made longer still by the tightness in her muscles. And, honestly, it was kind of eerie. She loved the sound of the waves, loved the sound of distant sea gulls. But this was different. Without people, it made things ethereal.

That's why it sort of shocked her to suddenly spot a figure in the distance, seemingly emerging from nothing save the flowing, pinkish-orange sunlight as it reflected off the water. Tall, bulky, staring off into the horizon. It reminded Lapis of one of those sappy romantic dramas one of her cousins had been addicted to.

The thought to turn back around occurred to her, certainly. If this person was this far out, away from the normally crowded sections of beach, then they probably didn't want company. She'd be invading. But that thought was short lived.

Because she recognized this person. The closer she got, the less it looked like just a darkened silhouette and the more features became discernible.

It was a girl, the same one she'd seen days before. Just as buff, hair just as tangled as the faint breeze caught hold of it, making it flutter around her shoulders. Her face was twisted, though, into something akin to a sneer. Like her veins were boiling with the sight of the setting sun.

Lapis wasn't being loud. On the contrary, her steps were silent thanks to the sifting sand beneath and between her toes. But the girl looked her way, as if sensing her drawing ever closer, and Lapis actually felt a pang of sympathy run through her. It was unlike her to feel that way, so it surprised her as her body came to a stop less than eight feet away.

The girl cocked her head, face softening. In the gentle lighting, her eyes took on a glow that offered something more. Something better. The tear tracks on her cheeks spoke the truth, though. She was hurting, and she didn't know what to do.

"Hi," she spoke, and her voice was just as deep but now it cracked under pressure. Lapis wondered how many people had seen her like this; she didn't give off the aura of someone all that intoned with extreme emotions.

Lapis shifted her weight. "Hi," she voiced.

A pause, long but surprisingly not awkward. The girl was the first to break contact, turning her head back to the water. "What are you doing here?"

Lapis frowned, following that gaze but finding nothing but the distant frothing of lapping waves. She once more contemplated just turning away and leaving. A cruel thought, perhaps.

"Nothing," she murmured honestly, subconsciously tightening her grip on the towel. "You?"

A shrug answered her, and she watched in quiet fascination as the girl shook her head, shoving her hands in her jeans and absently kicking at the sand. It sent a shell sliding down the slight slope towards the beach's edge.

"It's complicated. Or, maybe it's not. I don't know. I just had to get away a moment, you know?" There it was again, that raw emotion. It washed over them, obviously negatively affecting the girl. Lapis took a step forward before her mind could catch up and stop her.

There they stood for an insufferable moment, the sun ever sinking and the water growing more and more adventurous as it reached out for their feet. Quiet and loud, alone but together, reality but mindful fantasy. It felt nicely terrible.

Until Lapis sighed, letting her towel drop to the sand. She shuffled forward, following an imaginary line in the sand. The girl didn't look at her; Lapis wasn't fully sure the girl even heard her moving.

She bent down when she made it, wincing at the pain in her thighs but waving it away mentally as she scooped up both pebbles and a shell. It was smooth thanks to the water, dulled with age. An honest teal color that could be lost with the tide if given the chance.

For a moment, her thoughts wandered. She remembered moments just like this, once upon a time. When she was a mere child, running through the dunes of scratchy earth and treasure hunting with her mother's voice always in the background, either laughing at her fanatics or warning her to be careful. It was bittersweet. It was painful.

She shook it away, though. She didn't need that, a mental overview of what had and still had time to go wrong. Those were for another time, another day. Maybe never if she was kind to herself.

She turned back to the girl to find those glowing eyes staring at her, into her, through her. They were probing, and yet they were offering at the same time. It was strange and unwelcome, yet oddly intriguing. Something akin to a perverted sense of mutual distress.

Her smile was almost forced, the smallest twitch of thin lips trying to come up in some sort of reassurance. She had to shuffle a few feet to be able to reach out, shell in hand, and offer it.

"'Tides will drift, but tides return _,_ '" she mused quietly. _(quote by Steph Barrak, Hardwired)_

The girl furrowed her brow heavily, but she took the shell. Their eyes locked once again, and Lapis nodded once. It felt right.

And then they were drifting apart, and the water was washing over Lapis' bare legs as she watched the girl turn and walk away. The shell kept catching the light, shining when the girl's arms would move. As if it were a beacon.

Hope in the form of a beautiful metaphor.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N:** _I really want to get back to Peri, so this'll be the last chapter of Lapis' POV for a bit. Hopefully that's okay with you guys._

 _Thanks for all the support! Let the show begin already! -Sara_

* * *

This was actual Hell, she was ninety-nine percent sure of that.

She didn't hate kids, let's make that clear, but she never realized they could be such _monsters_ either. They screamed and laughed way too loudly, and they were always touching things, and she definitely couldn't focus on what she was doing when a little boy was consistently tugging at her shirt hem and asking what she was doing a million times in less than half an hour.

Clarity. She was at the museum, working. Working. In a last ditch attempt to find any and all excuses to stay far from her house, she had located a job. As a janitor, basically. And oh boy was it sooo much _fun_.

Lapis sighed as she wiped at one of the many, many glass casings, trying to remove the smudged fingerprints from an earlier field trip of overly excited second graders. It was certainly quieter now that there were only the normal crowds, history observers and tourists. Still boring as could be, though.

As she wiped, she couldn't help overhearing snippets of conversation. It wasn't that she was trying, though it did help ease the tension in her shoulders when she could get a laugh out of someone else's problems. She heard everything, from people questioning when and why something was exhibited to a couple bickering over what they would be having for dinner, to even an older lady chastising what Lapis figured was her son for getting a cat when he knew she was allergic to them.

No one she knew came in; most people her age wouldn't come to a museum, anyways, and on top of that she really didn't know that many people here even now. It had almost been a month, but she certainly wasn't popular. And the overused, overrated cliques of high school bored her; she'd rather be alone than get classified as something so shabby and moronic.

"Your idea of fun is... amusing," a voice cut through her thoughts.

She froze. No way Peridot could be here right now. Of all the places in this entire stupid town, she had to be _here_.

They hadn't spoken in over a week, not because they were avoiding one another but because there was no cause for it. And without cause, their interactions were just awkward and unsure. Peridot wasn't exactly the most social, and Lapis couldn't testify that she tried all that much harder. It was just more comfortable, and more fun she surmised, to witness the younger girl's life from afar. Without actually intervening too much.

Lapis forced herself to keep wiping, not even looking back. As much as she wanted to, she hated the very idea. "Whatever. What's up, Peri?"

She'd taken to referring to her as such. It seemed to annoy the blonde a tad bit, but that just cemented its usage. Anything to get under her skin, to watch those emerald eyes narrow as if she was trying desperately to appear aggressive. It didn't work, at least not in Lapis' opinion. It just made her look like a bored puppy.

"Nothing," came the nasally response after a long, drawn out pause. There was something in her voice that Lapis caught, something that made her ears prick up just a bit more. "I have to swing by BCF when Amethyst gets off work, so I thought I'd pop over here for a bit."

Lapis smirked as she finally turned toward the blonde, more than a little amused when she saw how awkward the girl looked leaning against the wall, trying to look casual. "Oh? Missed me that much, huh?"

Pale cheeks turned pink in the span of a mere second and that infamous scowl was coating Peridot's features. She glared at Lapis as the blue-haired girl wiped her hands on her jeans.

"Whatever, dork..." she murmured, and it was undeniably cute how she looked up and away, trying to come across as unaffected and once again failing miserably.

Lapis' smile faltered when that thought hit her, when it really sank in that she'd thought of Peridot as 'cute'. She mentally berated herself as she coughed and turned sideways, pretending to inspect the next case but only seeing a blurry visage.

"What's BCF?" she asked, not really caring but needing to steer the conversation in another direction, preferably something that came across more as actual small talk and less flirting.

That helped clear the air a little. Peridot brought a hand up to rub across her neck as she eyed Lapis with a look that asked, 'are you serious' before replying. "Beach Citywalk Fries. Come on, their fries are legend. Peedee would hate you for not knowing about them."

'Oh' her mind spoke up, and she blinked. She certainly knew the place, it had been her choice for dinner the first week she was in town. And, though she knew Peedee, she found his brother more interesting. Ronaldo was the type of guy so completely out of it, you couldn't help but like that you hated him. She was pretty sure he was a stoner. Maybe shrooms? Half of what he came up with on that blog, which she would admit she went on once or twice, was just too insane to have been made up without a little help.

"Oh, right, right," she muttered, more to herself than anything, as she absently wiped at the casing. "What time is it?" She really didn't want to be here any longer; after the first hour she'd deduced that she hated it, but now she was loathing the place's very existence.

Peridot took a moment to get out her phone, grumbling something along the lines of, "You have your own phone, look it up yourself." But, with a swipe and a pause, she announced, "five fifty-three."

Lapis could've actually hugged her, that was music to her ears. She settled for a thumbs up instead and tossing her clothe down on the casing. She ran her hands through her hair, pushing her bangs back out of her face as she turned towards Peridot again.

"So, you're hanging out with Amethyst today?" She didn't have anything against the girl, but she just came across as too hyped and too energetic to someone like Lapis.

The blonde nodded and fidgeted against the wall. "Mhm. She got this new RPG she's been boasting about for weeks now. I'm going over to her place to try it out."

Lapis wrinkled her nose. She wasn't a gamer, not in the slightest, and had absolutely no interest in things like that. "Sounds fun," she stated anyways, crossing her arms.

"You wanna come? I'm sure Amethyst wouldn't mind."

"No thanks." It was curt and more than a little rude sounding, but Lapis didn't take it back. Not even when Peridot looked startled and the slightest shiver of guilt crawled its way to the surface of her being. "I'm not big on that junk."

The blonde's mouth actually dropped. "What?" she questioned, brows furrowing and eyes narrowing simultaneously. "Please tell me you just mean RPGs."

Lapis shook her head.

It was hilarious to see the way the girl reacted, the way her shoulders tensed and her face screwed up like she was seeing Lapis for the first time all over again and just couldn't believe she was real. It was... adorable.

There her mind went again, and once more Lapis found herself shaking her head and looking away, trying to keep from frowning so no questions arose.

"Come on, there's no way you don't like video games. COD? FF? What about the Sims? Or even GTA?" She was holding up fingers with each one she named off, eyeing her hand and Lapis in intervals.

Lapis only shrugged, deciding now was the time to check and see if she could end this. She pulled her phone from her back pocket, turning it on as Peridot just stood there, seemingly rethinking everything in life in the matter of a few moments. Five fifty-eight. Good enough.

"Well, I gotta go," Lapis breathed, thanking whoever was upstairs. "And you have to go to the.. BCF?.. now. So, I'll see ya around, Peri." She knew she was being sketchy, knew she was coming across as shallow and rude again. But, she just couldn't help it. She needed to get away from the blonde before her mind could think of another thing to torment her with.

Peridot blinked, caught off guard. "Oh, ah, yeah, okay. See ya later, Lazuli."

Lapis breathed a sigh of relief as she was let alone, felt eyed on her back as she walked away. She felt guilty, sure, but she knew it was either that or the inescapable, dreaded self loathing that would surely follow later.

Frankly, this was easier.

Not now, but in the end.

And she really, really didn't want to hurt Peridot.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N:** _Back to Peri! Sorry if things start looking a little bit glummer than normal these next few updates, nothing super serious but just letting you guys know. Fluff might just be right around the corner... Or not c: We'll see, guys. Thanks! -Sara_

* * *

There were three phases to her beautifully calculated layout. Phase one, infiltration through small talk. Phase two, observation of every single move her opponent made. Phase three, annihilation. Simple enough strategy, if she did say so herself.

Too bad it was utterly useless.

"Come on!" she yelled, jerking her hand back as if to toss the controller, though it never truly left her grasp. She seethed as she watched her onscreen character fall, simply laying in distress along side her already mutilated team.

Amethyst smirked as another voice came through their earpieces, a shrill cry of annoyance mirroring the blonde's. "Come on, Perry, chillax. It's just a game. That I... Win... Again!" Amethyst cried out as the screen shone 'victory' and her hands flew up to fist pump the air.

"WE win, Amy," came a shrill voice from the earpiece, making Peridot wince. Why did Pearl of all people have to be playing? Sure, it was great (har har) that the girl was doing something less... shrewish... but come on, this was really stretching it.

"Oh, right, sorry P," Amethyst mused, reaching out to snag her Monster from off the coffee table. "You guys up for another round?" she asked after chugging the remainder, crumbling the aluminum like paper following.

The blonde scoffed, tossing her controller down on the sofa and pushing up off the cushions. "Why? It's two against one. Unless you count that noob that just follows me everywhere." There was actual bitterness in her tone, something she couldn't quite hide.

Her friend's expression changed from one of smugness to a more concerned screening fast, and she covered her mic for a second. "You okay, dude? We can go back to campaign mode. I'm sure Pearl won't mind too much."

Peridot shook her head, letting her head lull against her shoulders, sighing as she looked up to the ceiling. "No, it's cool. Just give me a sec to use the bathroom. Brb, Pearl." She didn't wait for a response, simply threw her earpiece down next to the controller.

She received a thumbs up as her friend sifted back to rest more comfortably, bringing her feet up to rest on the table. Peridot was thankful when she was left alone, turning and heading for the first floor bathroom just down the hall. Not nearly as big as the upstairs one, but more presentable since it was intended for guests anyways.

As she slipped inside and closed the door, she leaned against the wood, sagging really as she frowned. She just wasn't feeling it tonight. Sure, the game was fun, and even though she was losing miserably she was happy to be somewhere other than home, but something was wrong. Maybe it was Pearl... Nah, she couldn't blame it solely on that... Well, it wasn't completely her fault, in any case.

The blonde reached into her back pocket and pulled out her phone, clicking on an app at random. Tumblr. Yes, she had a Tumblr. As weird as some of the posts she'd discovered could be, it was her number one go to when it came to her favorite fandom. And there were plenty of accounts dedicated to her favorite Pierre, Percy pairing.

But, after only scrolling the first few times and coming across a drawing or two, even someone's new cat they were showing off, she found herself just as bored and disinterested as ever.

Exiting out, she turned to her contacts, skimming through briefly. She could call up Ruby, maybe she was free. Or Sapphire, in that case; they didn't really talk without someone else around, though, so that'd probably be really weird. There was Jamie, he was okay. A little melodramatic, but a loyal friend.

No, she concluded with yet another sigh, cutting the screen off and slipping the device back where it belonged. Maybe she'd just head home. Perhaps she was catching something; yeah, that seemed probably. This time of year was never kind to her weak immune system.

With that thought in mind, she left the bathroom and trudged back to the living room, only to pause in the doorway when Amethyst's voice raised.

She hadn't realized how quiet the house had gotten, how her normally rambunctious partner was unusually reserved. But now, it was awkwardly obvious.

"Come on, P, you know I didn't mean it like that." Pause. "No, I jus-" Slightly longer pause and a groan. "I just meant that it's weird, you know? People are talking an-" Ouch, that earpiece was going to be the cause of Amethyst going deaf, because even from here in the doorway and over the lingering melody of the starting screen Peridot could hear a muffled voice. "What, no!" Amethyst suddenly yelped, straightening up on the couch, "I didn't do that! Come on Pearl, you know me better than that!"

Peridot felt guilty standing here, listening to this. The way her friend's voice rose an octave, the way it broke near the end, she shouldn't be eavesdropping. Looked like goodbyes were out of the question, she'd send a text when she got a few blocks away.

Her coat was on the couch, so she just left it and mentally marked it as one of those things to get whenever she visited again. Other than that, she had her pack, which she grabbed as she slipped unnoticed out the front door and into the night.

Ten minutes, she surmised, before she'd safely be home. She walked along with the glowing street lights, watching her own shadow morph and follow her across the sidewalk, silent but almost always present by her side.

A dog barked across the road. Someone shouted something from afar. A trashcan rustled. Wind chimes danced and sung out into the air. Everything was alive and working. If she looked back, she could make out the glowing lights of Funland even from here, peaking through the tree line.

Beach City never slept, never paused. Something was always, always happening. So why was she on hiatus? Why did it seem her life had taken a dive, revolving on nothing save her forced piano lessons and the school work she no longer cared for? Why couldn't she just let it all go, for a day, a week, a month? Just long enough to clear her head and start again.

"I'm surprised you don't have a seven o'clock curfew," a voice spoke up behind her, making her jump and stumble as she twisted around as fast as was possible.

She was met with a figure half hidden in the shadows, sideways to her but clearly looking right at her. She knew that voice, knew that look, knew the person behind them. It only made her frown, though, not wanting to do this now.

"What do you want, Lazuli?"

It almost looked like Lapis winced at her tone, and a pang of annoyance hit Peridot. She wasn't completely sure why, but it lived on even as she sighed and pushed her glasses further up the bridge of her nose.

"Sorry, I just... I've gotta go," she muttered, deciding that she really couldn't be bothered by the horribly mysterious, terribly obnoxious nature that followed Lapis like a dead weight.

She'd barely turned when a hand caught her wrist, soft gentle fingers wrapping around it. "Wait," Lapis murmured, and Peridot couldn't understand why her legs twitched like that or why her free hand reflexively reached to touch the invading figure.

They stood still for only a moment, neither looking at one another, the air between them too cold for any sort of comfort. And then Lapis jerked back like she'd been burned, look suddenly so dark it went right along with the night they found themselves enclosed by.

Her mouth floundered for a long moment, no sound save a gargled noise that was both pathetic and heartbreaking at the same time. Then she quit trying, and instead shoved her hands in her hoodie pocket and looked off across the road.

Peridot was the first to break the underwhelming quiet. "What is it, Lapis?"

The girl didn't respond, simply huffed and shook her head and continued looking elsewhere. It ticked Peridot off after a straight moment of utter non-communication, enough so that she audibly sighed and took a step away.

"I really have to go now. Talk to me when you find your tongue again." It came out as more of a snap than intended, but wasn't taken back.

Until that hand was once more on her wrist, and her breath was catching as she was tugged closer to the warmth of a body offering much more than shelter from the cold. She wasn't close enough to touch, but close enough to feel. To smell something akin to lavender and vanilla. It was nice, she couldn't help sniffing.

Lapis ground her teeth a moment, looking torn, contemplative. When those oceanic orbs graced the blonde again, there was hesitation. But her voice didn't offer that same disarray. "Come with me." Her brows unfurred slowly, face softened the smallest amount. "Please."

Peridot's mouth was dry. She couldn't think. She only blinked, and tried swallowing past the unexpected lump forming in her esophagus. Then, she nodded, ever so slowly.

"Okay."


	13. Chapter 13

It didn't make sense. Maybe that was because it was Lapis, but still. Peridot couldn't gather her bearings long enough to understand what was happening, let alone question why.

Okay, that was a lie. In her mind screamed a thousand 'why's. Why were they in a random person's backyard (and she knew it wasn't Lapis' because they had to stay quiet and away from the darkened windows)? Why did Lapis keep looking at her like she was a puppy in need of scolding? Why was she even _following_ Lapis? Why didn't she just go home already?

A thousand questions. Not a single damn answer. And she really, really hated being kept in the dark like this. It was literally her most loathed part of life.

But she didn't argue, and she didn't leave to go home, and she didn't let her hand fall from Lapis' even when they were standing inches apart, tucked back into the darkest corner behind a tool shed. Because for some.. indescribable moment, this felt okay. _She_ felt okay.

But that was before her mind began berating this very night once more and she was suddenly suffocating from the proximity and she just had to get away. Their fingers untangled and she stepped back, not fully out of the cover of shadow but enough to catch sight of the quarter moon.

Lapis' frown, the one she'd been loyally harboring all night, deepened. It almost seemed she was sneering at the blonde, threatening her with eyes of charcoal behind bangs that swayed with the late breeze.

When the silence seemed painful, physically so as it weighed on them from above and pushed them from below and twisted them from the sides, it was broken. By Lapis. By her. Their words came together in an unclear, hectic display.

"Why did yo-"

"I need to-"

And then there was a smirk tugging at the still present frown upon the blue-haired beauty's face, and she shifted her weight, tugging at the almost nonexistent jacket that barely gave any sense of coverage. "Sorry," she murmured, but the faint humor in her voice voted otherwise, "you can go ahead."

Peridot shook her head, running her hands over her bare arms and looking off toward the uppermost floor of the home, particularly the left corner. Nothing gave any sign of life, but she was certain it still couldn't be but something after ten. No reason someone shouldn't still be up; she herself stayed awake reading well into the morning.

"Why are we here? Who's home is this?" She didn't really expect an answer, so she wasn't at all surprised when her answer was the rolling of Lapis' shoulders out the corner of her eye.

"Does it really matter?" came the snarky reply, and for once it sounded genuine and made her flinch back, eyes dropping. And she got her own metaphor, how she looked like a broken puppy, because she suddenly felt like one when Lapis snapped like that.

She shook her head ever so slightly before turning and looking up the room once more. What if that light _did_ come on? "No, I guess not," she murmured quietly.

She heard the heavy sigh, but it still caught her off guard when a hand reached out, fingertips brushing along her forearm. She jerked slightly, taking yet another step back into the ongoing moonlight. Lapis realized her mistake, withdrew her hand as if it had been flames she'd been attempting to comfort. Her face contorted into something unknown, and well hidden by the dark when she turned sideways to avoid Peridot's questioning eyes.

"I... This was a really stupid idea," Lapis chuckled out, shaking her head. "I just... You don't.." Her voice leveled out before dipping into oblivion, leaving silent words hanging on the end of her tongue. But she couldn't find the strength to give them weight. It would take too much out of her.

The blonde stepped forward, if only to retreat back into the shadow should prying eyes wander their way. She wanted to leave, she felt she should comfort. It made her antsy and bounce on the balls of her feet as she scrutinized the girl before her. What was Lapis trying to do to her? Should she even be listening to this?

"If you don't start making sense," she warned, but the beginning to a threat she had no way of going through with came out as little more than a whine, and she ducked her head to retrieve any sense of understanding. It didn't work, of course, but it gave her a moment to collect her breath.

Before it was swiftly taken from her yet again.

Lapis didn't back down this time as her hand came out to wrap around the blonde's forearm, tugging her further into the shadow and making her stumble over a patch of grass grown too high. The soft warmth of a body caught her, and her mind decided now was the perfect time to lose functioning capability. Because she forgot anything besides the arm that swiftly wrapped round her waist, ignored everything save the sensation of a hand pushing her chin up more forcibly than might have been required. She forgot everything accept those crystalline eyes, that honed in on her and only stopped closing in when they were mere inches apart.

She didn't think breathing would ever be on her to-do list again.

Lapis' eyes were so intense, like a storm smashing against the coast, foaming and writhing in anger at an overwhelming sky. They pierced her, froze her. And there wasn't a damned thing she could do about it.

"What do you feel when I'm around?" It was a question Peridot could barely hear, but that somehow pierced the veil that encircled her whole. "Because that's what I feel, too. And it's so _fu_ _cking_ annoying, Peri."

With every word her body shook, that arm closed in tighter, till not even air was in their way. Being flush against this raving, blue-haired nut was almost unbearable. Peridot didn't think she could take a second more of this. It was too much, too intimate. Yet... She _wanted_ it. And she _hated_ that she wanted it, all at the same time.

Her eyes went wide when Lapis dipped in, she felt when breath hit her lips. Her body went fully limp at last, and her eyelids fluttered. She felt the movements as they ghosted across her mouth. She was so ready... She wasn't ready at all...

And she was falling.

Her knees hit the ground gently, aided by the overgrown grass. It still shocked her, sent a jolt of surprise and confusion tangling in her head, but now she could breath. And she did, sucking in gulps of unsteady oxygen that burned her deprived lungs. Tears were stinging the backs of her eyes, she realized too late, before she blinked and they were falling down her cheeks.

And Lapis just stood there, face completely engulfed by shadow. But her shoulders were shaking, and her breathing was anything besides normal. She looked so frail, so lost, maybe even more so than Peridot. And neither knew why or even what was happening anymore. It just was.

Peridot could feel moisture, present after the gentle drizzle from just before dusk, soaking through the fabric of her jeans. It left her knees and calves cold, feeling exposed almost, but she couldn't bring her limbs to work right. She was frozen in place, the tingling of what was once warmth turned icy capturing her attention and bringing focus to the corner of her mouth.

Would Lapis have actually gone through with it? Would she have let Lapis?

The better question to that, though, was would she have had the strength to stop Lapis? And that.. was too obvious an answer.

Peridot found her teeth grinding, hands fisting against her thighs as she breathed unevenly through her nostrils. Home, she set on repeat in her mind, home. She needed to get home. Lapis was a problem, disaster really, for another day. Preferably one when she had patience enough to stand being in the same radius as the conflicting, mind boggling mess that was Lapis Lazuli.

But she still couldn't move, and in the end, Lapis was the one to break the silence that had befallen them.

"I'm sorry... I can't help myself around you." And, it shocked Peridot. Because there was a smile in those words, tucked back, and when emerald eyes jerked upward, they widened to find the taller girl's shoulders shaking. Not with tears or fear, but laughter. And it completely distressed Peridot because, _why_? Had this girl finally, _finally_ lost her mind?

Cerulean orbs crashed into her like waves upon the sand when they could fully open again, and even though the biggest of cocky smirks tugged thin lips up almost sadistically, there was no hiding the confliction going on within. Lapis was faking, and she was damn good at it if you didn't see her eyes. But here she was, showing it all to Peridot.

And Peridot respected that, in a way even she couldn't fully comprehend at the given time.

Lapis shook her head, sighing and pushing the bangs back from her face in that all too familiar, telling way that had the younger girl's eyes narrowing. She took a step forward, rested her hand gently against Peridot's bared forehead, and Peridot couldn't help shuddering. Because that palm was so warm and so honest and so perfect. She was left cold when it departed.

"Thanks, Peri," Lapis murmured.

And Peridot could only watch in silence as she was left alone once again.


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N:** _Been a while, sorry about that guys, life's a royal b**ch when she chooses to be haha. Anyway, this chapter is from BOTH Lapis' and Peri's views. Also, working on editing the next chapter as this one is being posted. That'll be up Thursday, no excuses!_

 _Thanks guys! Enjoy! -Sara_

* * *

 **Peridot's POV:**

She was being driven up the wall. Figuratively, of course, but dammit! After everything, the awkward rendezvous with Lapis, the cold and lonely walk home, the earful she got from her mother about tracking wet footprints through the house, it all just seemed to cave in. She spent the next day fiercely practicing her chords, desperate to ease her mind into the comfort of concentration.

Because things were normal when she listened to the notes she played. Things were just okay when her mother stared her down, nodding her head in approval only once after a difficult piece. And that normalcy and that infinite loop of 'just okay' were enough when everything else was too crazy.

Amethyst called her several times, texted when she didn't receive an answer. Something about not being in school the next couple of days and hoping Peridot was doing fine.

And Peri was fine. Just fine. Perfect, in fact, as long as she didn't think about anything aside from the sheet music directly before her eyes. It was only when the music ended and she was flipping a page or pausing to gather her bearings that things went downhill. Because then Lapis slipped into her mind like a breeze through an open window. A window that severely needed to be shut and locked. Maybe the curtains even needed to be drawn.

The hours ticked by. Her mother came and went through the house, then left her alone as three rolled around. And Peri's stiffening back and tired fingers forced her to give up, to stand, to let the suddenly overbearing silence weigh down like a wave against her shoulders. She hated it, going so far as to hum to herself irritably as she headed to the kitchen to grab a glass of water.

It didn't help. Nothing helped. Because she found her hand subconsciously touching at that spot on her forehead where Lapis' fingers had brushed. She found herself blinking and staring into the eternal blue of unreal eyes. She found herself shaking as the ghost of a whisper crossed her cheek, her lips, promising endless torment.

 _Why? Why couldn't she chalk it up to nothing? Why was Lapis like a poison swimming in her veins, burning her, cursing her, killing her from the inside out? Why the hell did she care so fucking much, anyways?_

She didn't realize she was shaking again until her glass of water slipped from trembling fingertips, catching the edge of the counter she'd been standing before, toppling to the floor by her feet.

The glass didn't break, somehow, but the cool liquid sloshed against her bare toes and made her yelp, jumping back unexpectedly, stumbling slightly. Her eyes were wide as the daydream she'd lost herself within snapped, reality like a rubber band tugging her back in. How she hated it.

"Great," she muttered, running a hand over her face, pushing her glasses up out the way to rub at her eyes. A sigh stuck in the back of her throat and she resigned to grabbing the hand towel laid meticulously across the counter. "God, what's _wrong_ with me?!"

A rhetorical question. But it hung in the air like a knife poised before her bleeding heart regardless.

* * *

She'd never been big on amusement parks. Sure, they were fun and all for the tourists that made a habit of stopping when they got to Beach City, and the younger children found entertainment in the arcade and more exciting rides, but eventually the shine wears away. You grow to realize that all the booths are rigged, that winning those (mostly stupid) prizes is near impossible. You realize that you've grown up, and games like that just aren't appealing anymore.

But that didn't mean she couldn't hang out there a while.

It was a Sunday, which meant almost no one would be around and she had most of the entirety of the boardwalk to just think. Okay.. so maybe it wasn't the best idea, but the thought that maybe this whole thinking thing was kind of necessary was dawning on her. After all, she'd spent the majority of the night and all this morning trying _not_ to think. And that wasn't getting her anywhere productive. At all.

Honestly, it had probably just made her worry and stress more. And she did that enough on her own without having to worry about someone else and what said person was trying (and possibly even succeeding) to do to her.

Mr Smiley waved at her as she passed one of the ring toss booths, a tall, almost intimidating man that was actually nothing more that a gentle giant. She nodded once in his direction, kept walking. Conversation wasn't her strong suite at all, even more so right now.

Peridot found a comfortable spot just outside the line of booths, a shady area overlooking the sea that smelled strongly of sea salt and cotton candy. A gentle breeze was picking up, ruffling her casual t-shirt as she sat cross-legged on the cooled concrete walkway. She breathed in deep, and simply stared out.

Out into a blue that.. rivaled that of Lapis' ironically heated eyes. Her gaze caught on a wave that was brushing up, frothing, burning like.. the way Lapis' fingers had scorched her skin not seventeen hours previous. Her breath caught on the fresh air, much like.. how her lungs had seized when Lapis had leaned in teasingly last night.

Peridot blinked. And blinked again.

And then she burying her face in her hands, glasses digging into the bridge of her nose, lids slamming shut as she tried mercilessly to rid herself of those thoughts. Because they weren't right, they weren't her. She didn't even _like_ Lapis. She didn't even like _women_ , for Christ's sake! This was so stupidly stupid and annoying and not at all normal and-

A tap on her shoulder.

She yelped, jumped, head whipping around to face whoever had interrupted her moment. She hadn't even realized she had started crying until she blinked and the haziness to her sight didn't go away and she felt something warm and wet glide down her cheek. She didn't bother trying to wipe it away even as she faced the girl behind her, though. There wasn't any reason to, really.

"Peri?" Fuck. Just... fuck. Fuck everything. Fuck the universe, fuck her life, fuck the way nothing ever went right.

"Why?" she choked out, and it was more than her throat, her body could handle because she was suddenly convulsing and jerking away from that touch and praying to some long since forgotten sea god that the ocean would just come drag her away, into its dark and endless jaws.

The girl behind her sighed, crouched down, and she felt the brush of a shoulder against her arm as the figure dipped to settle in beside her. A shiver hit her every time their skin brushed, almost drowned out by the shaking her body was suddenly convulsing through to try and keep from sobbing like the baby she so felt like being right then.

Her teeth ground almost painfully in her mouth, her throat closing off everything that wasn't air, lungs even nearly rejecting that the way they spasmed and threatened to shut down.

And Lapis could only watch, brows furrowed, hand poised uncertainly above a shaking knee. She wanted to comfort, knew this was all her fault and that she needed to help. But she didn't know how. And Peridot didn't know what to tell her. And so they just sat, and Peri cried, and Lapis waited.

And waited.

Peridot couldn't remember the last time she'd cried like this. So openly, so vulnerably, in front of someone that wasn't her cat or some stupid stuffed alien figure she'd gotten from Amethyst's younger brother. She couldn't remember it ever feeling this okay. And that was the thing.

It was okay. It was okay when it shouldn't have been okay. Because it was Lapis. And everything Lapis did was okay. Even when it shouldn't have been. Even when it threatened to uproot her from the Earth she'd planted herself in almost a decade before. Even when it hinted at overthrowing the very beliefs she'd grown to need.

And she realized something even more unsettling in that moment, when she half looked to Lapis and the breath in her throat stilled for a reason so very different from before.

She realized that she didn't mind.

And that was the scariest thought she'd ever had in her life.

* * *

 **Lapis' POV:**

It surprised her that Peridot could openly cry like this. In front of her. She'd figured the blonde to be more reserved with things like that. The aggressive way she presented herself spoke volumes, so this bumbling ball of tears and hiccups was new and, in a way, exciting.

Lapis had to admit... She kind of adored it. Because she knew it couldn't have been easy, but it was happening, and she respected that Peridot trusted her, or perhaps didn't even care enough anymore, to show her this side. She silently vowed to treasure it, even as she wracked her mind desperately to find something that would cheer the girl up.

She wasn't good at that sort of thing. Being the person that she was, it just came natural to do the whole 'pat on your shoulder, "cheer up"' thing. Never worked, of course, but she could say she tried. Well... sorta?

But this. This was different. And Lapis found herself wondering if hugging the girl would be too weird, or maybe just a half-hug thing with less contact. Or maybe she should just start speaking and hope Peridot settled down. Or mayb-

"You're gonna strain yourself, thinking that hard," a raspy voice cut through her thoughts.

Her gaze jerked down, taking in the still shaking blonde by her side. But there was a (rather forced, obviously) smirk playing at pink lips, and red-rimmed eyes met hers without hesitance. It was her turn to feel the breath stick in her lungs, mind suddenly very unaware of what it should do.

They looked between each other, rather awkwardly but unflinching, and Peridot shook her head slowly. Her fingers twitched, Lapis noticed, in her lap. Played against one another. Anything to ease the tension so obviously freezing her muscles.

"Why?" There was that question again, low and unsettled and so very open. Lapis didn't know where to begin, where to search for the answers to such a thing. She doubted she even knew.

"Why what?" she settled at last, tearing her gaze from fluid emerald, knowing that if she kept looking she'd never want to leave. She'd get lost in those eyes, she'd lose herself. It was too easy a thing to do.

Peridot chose silence then, if only long enough to gather her own thoughts. A stray strand of hair brushed against her temple, and Lapis had the almost uncontrollable urge to push it back when her searching eyes found it. She did refrain though, by some unearthly miracle.

"Why are we here?" Peri finally asked, voice pleading yet hauntingly empty. "Why are we doing this?"

Lapis couldn't help the sigh that escaped her. She caught the way the blonde glanced up at her, but she forced her eyes out across the endless expanse of sea.

The sea. That was something she knew. Something she trusted. Something she believed in when everything else in the world didn't make sense. The water was always there. Always consistent and offering and unaffected.

"Do you believe in fate?" she in turn asked, brows furrowing as a slight jostle caused a wave to form unhindered. She wasn't sure why she asked.

A hesitant beat passed. Then, "No." Simple. No explanation, no purpose. Just the truth.

Lapis swallowed uneasily, clenching a fist against her thigh. "Well... I do. And maybe that's stupid. But it just seems like a lot of things happen for specific reasons. I don't like the thought that we're just all here. That we don't have a purpose. That everything we do and everyone we meet is random and doesn't matter."

Something lodged in her throat, breaking her voice. She couldn't get anything else out after that. Not that she had to, really.

Peridot clammed up then, and her legs shifted so she was cross-legged and half facing Lapis. One of her hands came out to grip Lapis' fist gently. But her eyes stayed away, and even when Lapis gave her a look of shock and confusion, she didn't move. Didn't blink.

Her lips moved softly though, and her whisper was almost a ghost. Almost lost. "It's not stupid. Nothing about you is stupid."

Lapis could only catch her breath. Could only swallow down the lump threatening to break way into a sob. Could only force her fist to relax, to turn. Their palms touched, and neither flinched.

They only sat there in silence. And that was okay.

It was okay.


	15. Chapter 15

**Peridot's POV:**

It's one thing to hope. To close your eyes and pretend like everything's the way it should be. To put on a smile and chock everything up to being perfectly normal.

It's another thing for it to actually be that way.

Peridot was tired of resigning herself. Tired of putting up a false bravado against something she didn't even rightfully understand. Tired of sleepless nights when all she could see when her lids shut were the faintest of colors. Blue colors. Telling her something she wasn't ready for.

She knew what this was. She wasn't a fool. She liked Lapis. Liked her like boys and girls liked one another. Liked her like Amethyst liked Pearl and Sapphire liked Ruby. She liked Lapis in a way she couldn't escape.

And she knew Lapis liked her. But it was so confusing- they'd be sitting and not speaking and that was fine because the silence was comfortable, but then something dark would suddenly be over the blue-haired girl's eyes- and Peridot couldn't understand it.

She spent hours trying to wrap her head around it. Around the distance Lapis would force between them. Then the way she'd untuck her tail and return, batting eyelashes and cocky smirks and knowing murmurs. Then she'd be gone again, without a day passing.

And Peridot couldn't understand. She should be the one playing the mind games. She should be the one running. She didn't even know if she liked girls for fuck's sake! But no, she was the stable one in all this. Not even questioning if there really was an "all this" or not.

It left her a groaning, aggravated, hair tugging mess when all was said and done. And it was ridiculously infuriating.

* * *

 **Lapis' POV:**

Not even a week. Not a week since their little intervention, if that's what it was, along the outskirts of Funland. An entire week of school had passed without interaction outside of glances and brushes in the hall.

But Lapis was reeling.

She couldn't get over the sudden openness that came with the geeky blonde she'd first encountered. She couldn't go a day without watching her, the way she acted around other people. That Amethyst girl. Jamie? Jasmine? Whatever her name was. The teachers. She was a different person with them all.

She was a different person with Lapis. And the question that Lapis couldn't overcome was who was the real Peridot? Who was the girl behind the mask? Was it this quiet, but rather aggressive, cheeky geek? Was it this loud and obnoxious, but refreshingly emotional know-it-all? Was it both? Neither?

It could give anyone a migraine to keep trying to decipher that string of code.

Besides, Lapis found that... she really didn't mind either way. Whatever Peridot was, she was perfect. And that was what p*ssed Lapis off the most. That Peridot was something she couldn't be. And knew it.

Maybe that's why she did it.

* * *

Friday, finally. A chance to just shove already forgotten textbooks further into the confines of a locker and forget that such a thing as 'school' even existed in the first place. And a chance to do more than eye Peridot from across a crowded hallway.

She was nervous. Agitatingly so. Lapis wasn't sure when the last time she felt like this was, and it wasn't even over anything big. She was normally a jump right in, eff the outcome type person. But now... oh boy.

She actually found herself picking at the hem of her blouse, tugging it down, pushing loose strands of hair off her forehead and behind her ears. Then scowling and shaking her head and very nearly punching her locker when she realized what an idiot she was being. Who cared how she looked?

But, her teeth still chewed at the inside to her cheek as she found her feet pushing her forward, propelling her towards the still chattering blonde. Peridot was conversing with someone Lapis didn't know, a cute dark skinned girl that looked up at her as she approached with wild eyes the shade of pine wood. The smirk she was harboring dipped as the girl stared her down.

Peridot noticed her friend's sudden shift in attention, and her eyes shot back to land on Lapis. The smile that had been gracing her lips fluttered once, widening, before disappearing into a tight frown that was both unnerving and exciting. If such a thing was possible. Peridot had a way of making the impossible very much a reality.

"I'll just text you the answers, kay? Tell Sapphire I said hi, by the way," Peridot murmured to the girl, but her eyes stayed true to Lapis. Not meeting the girl's gaze, but still on her none the less.

Her friend nodded, shrugging to push the satchel she had swinging from one shoulder up further. "Yeah, okay. See ya later, Peri."

Lapis watched her walk away only with the corner of her eye. Her attention was solely on Peridot, though, she realized, and instead of making her roll her eyes at her own self, it made her wince. What was she even doing any more?

A beat of silence. Then a sharp breath on Peridot's end, and the blonde was suddenly twisting around, unable it seemed to tear her eyes away from the blue haired beauty fast enough. As if she'd been burned, or cut, or something just as violent. It made Lapis' fist clench again without warning.

"What do you want, Lazuli?" There was the girl she knew. Pushy and irritable, moody. Genuine in her dislike, just hesitant to let show that it didn't run bone deep. More an outer layer for protection than anything.

Lapis tried her best to smirk. It came across as a sneer, and she was silently thankful Peridot seemed content to keep her back to her. "To ask if you're free right now."

The way the muscles in Peri's back and shoulders tensed in mere milliseconds should have been answer enough. The way she couldn't seem able to find her voice, and the textbook in her hand slipped and banged within the confines of the locker. It should have been enough. It should had caused Lapis to back down.

But, instead, she found herself waiting. Prepared for the let down. Prepared to have to talk Peridot into it, guilt trip her even if necessary.

She didn't get a chance at any of that. Because Peridot was full of surprises. The kind that had her catching her breath. Had her subconsciously wiping sweaty palms on the thighs of her jeans. Had her wanting something unknown and new, yet somehow familiar and wondrous.

Peridot looked over her shoulder. Her face was bare. "Sure."

Lapis was speaking before her mind could catch up. "Then come with me."

Peridot took the outstretched hand.

* * *

She wasn't sure what it was about this place that drew her in like it did. It wasn't the beach, it wasn't the water. And there was almost always crowds. But... it was peaceful. And the scenery was calming.

It wasn't nature-ey like the places she'd been before. No overgrown grass and billowing plants and gorgeous, meticulously grown flower beds. Just, tranquil. Calm winds and swaying tree branches and a few well kept benches that couples and elderly persons would sit at to just breath and relax.

She wasn't sure who which of them needed it more right then.

Peridot took one look at the place and scrunched her nose, eyeing Lapis from afar as she walked over, arms crossed, and sat at the very edge of the farthest bench. Quite assuring.

Lapis scoffed at the attitude she was receiving. It reminded her of a five year old, the way Peridot pouted with her lip just slightly sticking out and her brows furrowed. As if it would get her anywhere. Where did she want it to get her, anyways?

But, agreeing to the silent terms that had been laid out, she found herself sitting at the edge of the farthest bench from the blonde and sighing rather loudly. Guilt tripping. It wasn't working, but whatever.

Peridot only looked away and watched groups and couples pass them, on their own routes to their own destinations.

"You know, this was supposed to be a date," Lapis offered, voice laced with subtle flirt but overflowing with humor.

It only got her an even quicker look away and once again tense shoulders. That was starting to p*ss her off. A little. But it wouldn't take long before she said something about it. The least Peridot could do was try. If she hadn't wanted this she shouldn't have agreed in the first place.

"Whatever," she heard lowly, almost inaudibly, but there was a shakiness to the word that caught her off guard. Was Peri... nervous? Sure, she seemed disinterested and bored, but nervous? That was... actually a win for Lapis.

At least, she thought so as she tried and failed to hide the half smirk, half smile that tugged at her lips. She slipped about halfway down her bench. "Oh come on, lighten up. What's got you so stiff today?"

No response. Just a very, very cross look and arms tightening over a chest that was already being strangled. Lapis huffed and deflated, slumping against the back of her bench. Her eyes fell upwards, towards the sky.

It was a clear afternoon, no clouds save wispy reminders of those that used to be. It was just endless blue-white and the burning ball of orange that was the sun and a breeze that was almost nonexistent in the best of ways.

The best of days.

So why did this feel like such a letdown?

"Lazuli?" It was a whisper. So quiet and so hesitant and so innocent it was almost lost. But Lapis caught it. Her gaze swiveled back to the blonde the second it registered with her brain.

Peridot didn't wait for her response, and burning emerald entranced Lapis in seconds. "I'm an idiot."

Lapis blinked. She didn't have a voice. Her mouth, lips, moved regardless. Then Peridot was looking away. Standing. Walking away. Leaving her alone.

That was the only thing that got through.

She was being left alone.

Again.

Nothing could prepare Lapis for the jolt that shot through her, the twist in her gut that was so physically painful it brought bile to her throat. Nothing prepared her to be standing just behind the blonde, hand gripping so tight to a thin wrist it was a miracle alone it didn't break. Nothing prepared her for the words that fell from her mouth when her body allowed her to speak.

"Please don't go. Not you, too." It was a whisper. A ghost. A memory. An ache.

Peridot stilled at her touch, rigid. Her breath was a shallow, unsteady exhale that barely made it past parted lips before being silenced by teeth digging into unsuspecting tongue. Lapis could only hold on. And watch. And fight down the urge to push away.

It was so easy to push away. To let Peridot go and continue on with her life. Forget the blonde ever existed. It would be too easy to talk her mother into moving again. Further away. Always away.

But, no. She was lying to herself. It wasn't an easy thing.

It had never been an easy thing.

Not the first time. Not this time. Never.

And she was scared by it all. Because none of it, of this, made sense. Not Peridot. Not how she herself reacted. Not how conflicted she felt. Not even the urge to run or to give in or... or...

Anything.

Moments. Seconds. She wasn't sure what unit was being measured anymore. It didn't matter. Not when Peridot looked back at her, eyes open and honest and so beautiful. Not when she spoke.

"This is insane, Lapis." She knew it was. "And I can't handle it." She knew that, too, though she didn't want to admit it. "I need to go. Now." She could have sworn there was a catch in the blonde's voice. She desperately wanted to believe there was a catch.

Her grip slackened though. Letting go. But not really.

"Please don't go," she repeated, this time surer. This time meaningfully. this time intently.

And there was so much happening in the emerald in Peri's eyes. There was confusion and confliction and worry and something else, something unrecognizable but just as deep. She wanted to know what it was. She wanted to feel it.

So she did the one thing she could think of. The only thing her mind told her was okay.

She placed her free hand, shaking and unsure and hesitant, to the blonde's forehead, unintentionally nudging her glasses down.

They slipped too far, fell from her face. But neither seemed to notice as they landed besides stock still feet.

Peridot stared. Hazily but unflinching. Lapis licked her lips. They both sighed. They both leaned forwards the smallest fraction.

But then Peridot was turning aside, pushing away from Lapis, forcing her to pull back her hands, relent her touch. She couldn't speak up against the action. Could only follow unspoken pleads and furrow her brows and long for something she felt would never be achieved.

Because she'd seen what that something was. Hidden in the depths of Peridot. Being forced down but threatening to rise.

Hate.

She saw it, in the half second before being forced away. She saw it now, clear as day, as she looked at the blonde before her. And she wanted to feel it too.

It would be so much easier.

But it was never that easy. And she couldn't hate Peridot to save her life. Or, to save her heart.

Maybe that was what made her want to cry as the thought flittered through her brain. That she couldn't give up on Peridot. That she couldn't let bygones be bygones. Not now. Not when every second she was with the blonde, even seconds like these where she felt out of place and wrong and horrid, she was facing an untimely truth.

Lapis really, really liked Peridot. Stupidly liked.

And it was only going to hurt them both.

* * *

 **A/N:** _First, nuts haha. Half an hour or so behind schedule._

 _Second, sorry guys, I'm just a huge angst lover haha. Everything I write seems to have it at times._

 _And lastly, I won't be able to post this weekend because of a family thing I'm attending but I will be back early next week. So stay awesome, and I'll see you guys very soon with another update (promise I won't drag out the angst TOO long haha)! -Sara_


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N:** _Hey people. Trigger warning for this one: A bit of self harm... Sorry not sorry._

 _Never said I was nice heh... And angst is my favorite subject._

 _Once more, please by kind! I know not everyone is okay with things like this but that doesn't mean you have to be cruel about it. I'll put another warning at the actual part so you can skip if you want (don't worry, it won't really take away from the story and it won't even be mentioned again until another chapter)._

 _So yeah. Enjoy! -Sara_

* * *

Even for someone as emotionally disconnected as Peridot, it was far too easy to see that something was wrong with the violet haired goofball.

Amethyst hadn't spoken since they'd sat down. And where that wasn't necessarily a bad thing (people had a way of complaining whenever Amethyst showed up, normally being louder than the movie ever even hoped at being), it was worrisome. It just wasn't the same, actually being able to hear the dialogue.

And that wasn't even the weird part. She wasn't eating!

Amethyst alone could eat two orders of popcorn and an armful of different candies herself. How was anyone's guess, though it was rumored that she had a black hole for a stomach. So the fact she was just sipping on some watered down, overpriced coke spoke more than words ever could.

Peridot couldn't take it. It was bad enough the rest of her life was crashing and burning. Just hours prior she'd literally been screamed out the house when she broke a lamp by accident. And before that... She shuddered at the memory of facing Lazuli. So this, on top of everything?

She was losing her mind.

They made it half an hour in. Half an hour before the blonde was cursing and throwing down her popcorn, without care that the people in front of her twisted round and looked ready to jump her, and very nearly dragged her friend out the darkened room with the screams onscreen following their retreating forms.

She wasn't gentle. Not because she was angry, though that was part of it, but because she couldn't control the shaking in her hands. Couldn't control the tightening of her jaw or the way her nails dug into unsuspecting skin. Couldn't control the almost growl that slipped through grinding teeth. It was an emotion she couldn't name, couldn't even describe. It was just... overwhelming in the worst of ways.

Amethyst didn't even seem phased by the blonde's sudden tantrum. She rolled her eyes and leaned back against the door once they were safely in the confines of the wash room as Peri stomped over to the sink. She could see the way pale knuckles whitened further as fists gripped porcelain. The way shoulders shook with a laugh that sounded forced but felt genuine.

"You okay, P-dog?"

Peridot snapped.

"Am I okay?" she breathed, shaking her head and unable to look over, to meet the gaze that she could feel piercing her. "Am _I_ okay?" she repeated. "I'm not the one who's acting like some depressed poster child."

Amethyst snorted. Her hands slipped into the front pockets of her jeans. "Nah. But you are ragin' like a loon."

The blonde sagged against the sink, letting her eyes close as she tugged the glasses off and let them gently fall. They made a loud 'tink' as they met the metal drain.

"This isn't about me," she stated slowly, releasing her death grip of the poor, inanimate object to run still shaking fingers through her hair. It felt course, caught in between her fingers when she closed them together. "What's wrong, Ames?"

Her friend huffed, shrugged noncommittally. "Nothin'." Her eyes landed somewhere far off, caught somewhere between the tiled floor and brick wall. Seeing something else, though. Something not there.

Emerald eyes opened, seeing into a mirror that was smudged and untruthful. She couldn't see herself. Just a blurry outline. A hint at someone, something, that wasn't really there. That she couldn't find.

The tension was so thick it was cumbersome. A sheet, draped over them heavily. A fog that clogged airways and stung eyes. A storm that threatened the coming of lightlessness. Of unseeing.

Peridot wasn't an idiot. Maybe she wasn't as smart like Pearl or Sapphire, and maybe she wasn't as connected like Garnet or even Steven. But she knew more than everyone seemed to think. And she wasn't that easily dissuaded.

"Please don't lie to me, Amethyst. Not now."

The violet haired girl scoffed, hands coming up to cross defensively over her stomach. Her head dipped down, bangs sliding easily before her eyes and obstructing any viewing of her facial features. But her body remained tight and rigid and uncertain.

"Like it matters." Her voice was an octave higher than normal, even a detail as small as that not escaping Peridot. "Today was a bust. Imma just go already."

But even as the words hung between them, no one moved. Arms didn't uncross, feet didn't shuffle, shoulders didn't relax. Even blinking seemed slow as the room seemed to shrink a size.

Peridot had to swallow to keep something akin to a whimper at bay. She was already a mess, hadn't let it out earlier. She thought this, time with one of the few people that always seemed cheery and open and fun, would help. She thought she could let it go without letting go.

She thought wrong.

And now she was in some dingy movie theater bathroom, grinding her teeth so hard it hurt, digging clipped nails into undeserving forearms, listening to the slow and unsteady breathing of a friend she didn't know how to help. A friend she knew she should help. But what good was she?

What good had she ever done _anyone_?

Her mother couldn't look at her without glowering.

Half the people she went to school with still taunted her. Because she was too smart to be popular. Because she wasn't smart enough to be popular. Because she was too weird to be interesting. Because she wasn't weird enough to be interesting.

Lapis-

Lapis had only wanted her to stay. To listen. And she'd turned her back on the girl. She'd walked away without a second glance.

Because she wasn't what anybody needed. What anybody deserved. She was too insignificant. Too _wrong_.

Any sense of control she had fled her. Her knees became rubber, bending and finally snapping as she went limp. They hit the floor hard, a dull thud that shot pain through her and only strengthened the sudden on slaughter of tear-filled waves of depression.

She was nothing.

She was no one.

And the arms that wrapped round her, that belonged to a person that was also hurting, only cemented that thought.

She should be the one comforting. She should be the one helping. She should be the one.

Not this. Anything but this.

But even with that thought, she couldn't bring herself to pull away. Because she was weak. And she was a coward, afraid to face any of this alone anymore.

Afraid to face herself anymore.

* * *

 _(Warning! Upcoming mentions of Self Harm. If you don't approve, please skip!)_

She'd never done this before. Never thought about it. It was just one of those things. One of those things you hear about or read about or see somewhere. One of those things you wince at and move away from. One of those things you mentally tell yourself is terrible and below you.

But a glittering blade held beauty. Artificial light reflected off so breathtakingly. The stinging left an inkling of relief.

And crimson beads so slowly. Purposefully. Encouragingly.

It brought a sense of power. Of control. Knowing she had the choice. To push deeper or stop. To mark once, twice, more. To tap into a reserve only she had access to or leave it be.

To feel. To become numb.

There was only thing that kept her from slicing her skin more than once. That had her throwing the knife into an unknown corner and swearing never again.

The thought that she wasn't even good enough for that. That _even this_ was too good for her.

Tears had never tasted so desperate.

 _(End of Self Harm!_

* * *

 **A/N:** _And... I'm so sorry this is so short guys heh._

 _I promise the next update will be soon and it'll actually be a bit longer than normal (Partially as a make-up type thing, partially because I just really got into the next couple of scenes and couldn't help myself!)._

 _I also promise that things lighten up a little after all this (no, no fluffy clouds and unicorns and rainbows unfortunately) with a little more flare for our lovely Lapidot couple. Still kind of heavy, but no one near the angst we could be getting haha._

 _Thank everyone who's come this far with me on this twisted journey, and I hope you all stick around for a while longer! Still got a ways to go!_

 _Stay awesome! -Sara_


	17. Chapter 17

**Peridot's POV:**

He was staring at her. She could feel it, even though she was trying all too eagerly to pretend she was alone. It wasn't working. Not when the screen before her eyes was blurring and her body was tensing under his scrutiny.

It took all of five minutes before she threw down the phone and snapped at him. "What?!"

Hazel eyes blinked at her, tail swishing behind him lazily. His ears twitched, just barely, the only sign he was even acknowledging her.

They just stared. Unbroken until he let out a pitiful squeak that was supposed to substitute as a meow. It was enough to have the scowl she'd been harboring slip away. Enough for her shoulders to relax the smallest amount, and her breath to release in the form of a sigh. She was reaching to him as he cocked his head.

"I'm sorry, Pumpkin," she mused, scratching behind his ear gently. The touch alone had him purring, slowly sauntering to his feet and stretching out across her sheets. She couldn't help smiling at the way his golden fur bristled momentarily.

"You're annoying," she whispered, smirking at him playfully. Her fingers ran through the fur on his side. "But at least I know you love me."

His back arched as she rubbed along it, letting her hand fall to the bed when he decided it was time to leave. She watched him jump down, stretch once more, trot off and out the cracked door.

And then it was just her again. And her phone, which buzzed with notifications every couple of minutes. Nothing new, really. Tumblr, Facebook, those were the main ones. She hadn't received a text in almost a week, from anyone. Mainly because the one person she actually talked to wasn't speaking to her.

Peridot groaned as she fell back along the pillows, arms protectively tucked across her stomach. It was slightly cold in here, thanks to the dreary weather outside. It was raining, then it wasn't, then it was. Frigid and wet and gray.

It matched her mood, she thought bleakly.

Downstairs she could hear the tv blasting. Another one of those terrible dramas her mother adored so much. No telling which one it was, Peridot never asked. Mainly because it was pointless. Partially because she didn't want to be lectured on how her shows were complete "rubbish".

To be completely honest, the blonde was actually kind of glad her mother was home. Which was a terrible sign. It meant she was way too lonely.

Another sigh. She was getting pretty good at those lately. She shifted, rolling onto her side and glancing at the time. Almost four. She closed her eyes as a yawn escaped her.

A nap wouldn't hurt. Not like she had much else to do anyways.

* * *

 **Lapis' POV:**

So she'd met Steven. And adored him.

The smile on her face was genuine and undeterred as she watched the thirteen year old stuff his face, only pausing long enough between bites to tell her about the centipede his sister had let him keep as a pet. She herself sipped at a water bottle, glancing every once in a while towards the counter. Sadie was still talking to Amethyst quietly, brows furrowed.

Lapis wasn't sure what was wrong, but she hadn't minded keeping an eye on Steven while they talked about it. She was let in on it later, however, when Steven had ever so casually leaned in and whispered (rather loudly) something about a breakup.

She knew all too well how terrible those were.

As the last of the donuts were finished and the boy kindly wiped any crumbs into a napkin then stood to throw it away, Lapis leaned back in her chair. They were by the window, as far from the counter as possible. So she could hear the pitter patter of rain on the glass and see the way the sky rumbled overhead. It was beautiful, and she let her mind wonder.

Until a tap landed on her shoulder, and she was turning her head back around. A cheeky smile and bright amber eyes met her, and once more her lips were also tugging up. Steven had this way of being contagious when he was happy.

"Have you ever seen a spaceship?" he asked, settling back in the seat across from her.

Lapis chuckled, leaning forward to rest her arms along the table's edge. "No, not that I can recall," she answered, cocking her head in amusement.

Those amber eyes brightened. "I have. Me and Amethyst were on vacation with my dad, and we were out by the beach picking up shells. Then, outta nowhere, this massive ship just seems to show up. Right above our heads." His smile grew as he leaned in, as if conspiring. Lapis couldn't help leaning in, too. "It looked like a giant, green hand," Steven whispered.

Lapis very nearly laughed aloud. Instead, she settled for biting the inside of her cheek and throwing a glance up to the front. "Oh? No way. A hand, huh?"

The kinky haired boy nodded fervently, reaching for his own glass of coke. "Uh huh. Amethyst says it was just clouds or something, but I know it wasn't."

"No way it was just clouds. Aliens for sure," she agreed, unable this time to stop her chuckle.

They shared a look, winked, then both broke into a laugh. Neither was aware that Sadie and Amethyst were by their table until Amethyst cleared her throat.

"We should go. I told dad we wouldn't be more than half an hour," she murmured, and the bangs that hung across her face obscured any viewing of her features Lapis could have gotten. Not that her voice wasn't enough. It was all too obvious she'd been crying by the way her tone sifted and cracked.

Steven's smile dimmed but didn't disappear completely. "Okay." He looked back at Lapis as he slipped from his chair, pushing it up to the table again. "It was nice meeting you."

The blue haired girl couldn't help nodding, standing as well. "You too." She opened her arms for a hug, gladly received by the boy, before she walked with them to the front door.

Steven was rushing out and laughing as the rain assaulted him, whereas Amethyst sighed and stopped in the doorway. She briefly looked up, through her bangs, and Lapis saw how red-rimmed and puffy her eyes truly were. A tiny smile tugged at the girl's lips regardless, though forced.

"Thanks for keeping an eye on him. He likes you," she muttered.

Lapis shrugged, leaning into the door. "No worries. He's a cute kid."

Amethyst laughed quietly. "You don't have to live with him."

They shared a moment of quiet, and then the girl was rolling her shoulders and walking out. She threw a wave over her shoulder, the only goodbye given.

The open door was nice, but let in the cold. Not that it was freezing, just a contrast to the warmth within the café. It caused a shudder to run through Lapis, and she was turning away from the door and heading to grab her water, passing Sadie in the process.

She heard a quiet murmur. Almost lost in the stilling air as the door tinked shut. "I really worry about them."

Lapis sighed.

There were a lot of people here to worry about. Too many.

* * *

She was running.

It wasn't that the rain upset her, or that the rumbling thunder and flashing lightening worried her, but it would have been nice to get somewhere without getting completely soaked through. It was uncomfortable, to say the least, made her clothes heavy and itchy and caused the tips of her hair to curl.

She ducked beneath the nearest cover, which happened to be the overhanging ledge before a convenient store. She could see into the windows, at the few shoppers and the trailing aisles. It was tempting to go inside, but she really just wanted to be alone.

She shook her head, water droplets splattering everywhere at the movement. It was pointless to take off her coat or anything at the moment, simply because everything seemed to be wet. Her socks, her shirt. Everything, and it was really laughable. She was pretty sure like she looked like she'd jumped into the ocean fully clothed.

The gentle melody of music met her ears, someone's phone or radio or something coming from the parking lot to her right. Her eyes trailed over, scanning, but she couldn't see all the cars so she couldn't find the source.

The door right beside her opened, a mother and her child. She nodded her head at the duo and received a tired smile from the woman, who coaxed the kid forward only by holding his hand and pulling him along. His blue eyes followed her until they rounded the corner, rushing to the safety of their car beneath the downpour.

Lapis sighed, shoving her hands into the front pockets of her jeans even though they were tight with water. Her gaze turned upward, and she studied the sky. Still dark. Still thrumming with power. With her luck, the rain wouldn't stop for the rest of the night.

Already wet, she thought, huffing and kicking at the sidewalk. Might as well suck it up and get home. It was only another street away, anyways.

But just as the thought was cemented in her mind, and she was tugging up the weighed down hood of her jacket, and she was stepping out from the safety of the store, she caught a glimpse of an all too familiar umbrella. In the corner of her eye, just a few yards down the street.

Aliens. Obnoxiously green and childish.

Lapis couldn't help the smile that tugged at her lips, even as her stomach knotted.

Peridot hadn't seen her. Probably couldn't, from there. It wasn't like she had anything too compromising, anyways, that could tell the blonde it was her. That... was actually good.

Because, the longer Lapis stood there and watched and waited as Peridot got closer, the more she realized it was best she just leave. The more her mind reminded her that their last interaction had ended on a sour note. The more her stomach felt like a jungle gym for the thousands of butterflies residing there.

She was dropping her head and rushing through the doors of the convenient store before she could think it through. The contrast from cool to warm was jarring, and the smell of chemical cleaners invading her senses was too different from the outside air.

The cashier looked up at her, a lanky teen that smiled with crooked teeth when she lowered her hood and shook out her hair again. He had acne, bad, and the shirt he was wearing was too bright an orange and two sizes too big for his body. Of course she nodded in turn, though.

She weaved along the stands, past candy and snacks, to the back. Where they kept the drinks in built-in refrigerators for cooling. She kept her back to the front of the store as if it would be Medusa walking through that door any second and not some geeky blonde from school.

The overhead bell rang, signaling someone's entrance. Her eyes stayed glued to a Pepsi bottle. Mainly because she was afraid to move. Especially when that voice spoke, when it really was her.

"Hey," Peridot greeted, probably to the cashier.

Lapis could just imagine his overly joyous posture at having been noticed by someone. A girl, no less. "Oh, hey, hi. How are you today?"

"Okay."

And that was it. She didn't elaborate and the guy seemed unable to find words, and then the squeaking of wet sneakers across the linoleum.

Lapis took a deep breath. She wasn't a coward. That had never been who she was. And Peridot certainly wasn't a good enough reason to become one now.

So then why was it so hard to even turn when the squeaking stopped? When in it's place was a quiet stilling of breath? When she just knew emerald was burning into her, when she physically felt it like the touch of a hand?

But she did turn. And even though it felt impossible to even swallow, she cocked her head and smirked. "Miss me so much you had to follow me?"

The blonde gaped a moment, but then her shoulders were squaring and she was frowning so deeply it was a wonder that look didn't get stuck on her face. "Lazuli." It was all she said. But it was the way she said it.

And that flash of hate in her eyes before.

Lapis felt like she was being choked. Especially when she felt the coolness of glass at her back, and realized she'd taken a step back. Out of fear. Out of desperation.

Peridot shifted, eyes falling uneasily to the tiles. She cleared her throat, twice, motioned to the drinks. "I kind of..." Her voice broke, and her brows furrowed. She took a deep breath and brought her eyes back up. "Can you move?"

Lapis couldn't help crossing her arms. It was more subconscious than anything, defensive. She cocked an eyebrow though her hands were shaking. "I could, yeah," she replied.

The blonde's mouth floundered wordlessly a moment. Then she was scoffing and glowering. And that was okay, Lapis realized, because it was almost normal. Normal enough, between them.

"Get your ass out the way, Lazuli." And there it was, all Lapis needed. This didn't have to be awkward. Even if it felt like it. If Peridot could go back to just hating her then she could go back to the teasing.

She jutted her hip out, biting her lower lip playfully. It still felt strange, of course, but the nerves were settling. A little. Enough.

"And what's in it for me?"

The blonde's mouth twisted up into something akin to a sneer. She threw her hands up with a huff and turned before Lapis could even blink. "Fine, whatever, fuck you too, you dork."

This actually brought a chuckle to the blue haired girl. Because she could handle this. And this was fun.

She pushed away from the glass, and even though her legs hesitated in taking her forwards, closer to the shorter girl, she wasn't put off. She still managed to smirk wider and follow the stomping girl up, past the front, to the door.

She watched as the alien umbrella was jerked up. As the door was forced aside to swing dangerously close to the brink wall. As the blonde chanced to eye her over her shoulder a split second before rushing out the door.

And she followed, laughing uneasily but all the same. "Don't leave me behind, Peri. What would I do without you?" she asked as she pulled her hood up, watching the girl fumble with the clasp to open her umbrella.

"Just leave me alone," was her only response, but she didn't mind. Because she could see the way Peridot's lips were curving up too. The way her shoulders were shaking, with a strange mix of anger and laughter.

The way emerald met cerulean in silent agreement.

It wasn't perfect, and it was awkward as hell. And Lapis was still all too aware of the unsettled state of her stomach, of how her throat was just a tad bit tighter and her tone was still unsure.

But it didn't matter. Because they both needed this.

Lapis was the first to speak, when the umbrella was up and shielding and Peri was shaking her head and tugging off her glasses with her free hand to inspect them. "You're a little underdressed, aren't you?"

And it was true. Sure, the blonde had on a jacket to go with the umbrella. But where were those stupid galoshes from before, and that jacket seemed really thin even to Lapis, and it was all too easy to see how the bottoms of her jeans were a noticeable shade darker. Soaked. Like she'd jumped in a puddle or something.

Peridot huffed and shrugged, slipping her glasses back up along her nose. She gave a final glance to Lapis as she began her tread off, into the storm. Overhead, lightening flashed close by, and the sky continued its uncaring pummeling of the Earth.

"What of it?"

Lapis followed, slower, keeping just a foot or so behind the smaller form. She only answered with another question. "How far away do you live?"

Another shrug. "Does it matter?"

"Yeah, a little. That way I know how far a walk I gotta endure to stalk you."

This time a scoff, and through the dark she could see the way the blonde looked back. Their feet trudged through an overflowing sidewalk, sneakers heavy and almost rooted to the ground. Peridot only looked back ahead when she met the cold grasp of an actual puddle, cursing lowly as she sidestepped. The damage was already done, though, and Lapis couldn't help chuckling.

"Whatever. Go away."

Lapis rolled her eyes, smirked. She was slipping under the umbrella and grabbing the handle from Peridot before the blonde could object. She did, however, make sure to keep the girl securely under it, though. Even at the cost of being shoulder to shoulder and stopping right in the middle of the sidewalk when Peridot came to a halt.

The shorter girl actually growled, a sound at the back of her throat that was, Lapis figured, supposed to be menacing. Too bad it was only adorable.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?!"

Lapis smirked a little wider. "What's the matter? Can't handle me?"

Emerald eyes widened, anger coursing through them, before the girl was looking away and mumbling something inaudible and kicking at water on the ground. Her arms came up to cross along her chest, and she looked so much like a five year old. Pouting, grumbling.

"I'm not moving, then," she threatened. Or, tried threatening.

It was a stupid threat, for one major reason.

Lapis chuckled, shrugged. "Fine." And began walking away.

For a moment, the blonde seemed completely dazed, taken aback that the taller girl could just leave like that. But the moment rain began hitting her skin, her uncovered face and hair, she yelped. She was back under the umbrella and pressing against Lapis to escape the weather in a second. Still cursing, still pouting, but at least moving now.

"You're an ass," Peridot growled out.

Lapis shrugged. "Never said I wasn't, Peri,"

She knew she received a glare for that, but didn't look to confirm it. Instead she hummed a moment in thought. "So seriously, how far away do you live?"

Peridot was quiet a moment, and Lapis had the striking suspicion she was never getting a reply. But, the blonde surprised her. "Four streets from here."

Lapis scoffed, looking over. "What the hell are you doing all the way over here, then? With weather like this?"

Peridot looked away from her. The way her face fell, shoulders sagged, it was pitiful. A pang of surprise guilt traversed through the blue haired girl as she watched in quiet.

"I just... needed to get out the house." It was the only answer she was getting, she knew that. So she nodded mutely and turned her eyes forward.

"Okay, well... My house is this way. A few blocks at best. You wanna..." And she paused, because the offer stuck in her throat. She wasn't sure how to voice it, knew almost certainly what the answer to it would be. No way Peridot would agree to come over, even if it meant enduring the rain and cold a while longer.

But her jaw locked, and she gripped the umbrella's handle a tad tighter. She didn't look over as she asked, quietly. "You could stay at my place. At least, until the storm passes. My mom wouldn't mind."

It felt dull and stupid and she wanted to take it back but it was too late. And she felt Peridot looking at her but couldn't bring herself to return the look, so instead settled for watching the ripples that formed beneath their feet as they trekked through the water.

She wasn't expecting the answer she got. "Okay."

But she couldn't help smiling when she chanced a glance over, finding Peridot looking at her, unflinching. There wasn't hesitation, wasn't worry. She was fine.

And, Lapis realized as the answer repeated in her mind, she was fine with that too.

* * *

 **Peridot's POV:**

This wasn't what she'd imagined. Lapis was the type of person that screamed dark, bleak colors and edgy bands and maybe even twisted poetry. Not this.

Not gentle blue wallpaper and celebrity posters. Not glow in the dark stars overhead a bed with messy violet sheets and multiple stuffed bears. Not a pink, yes pink, guitar sitting idly in the corner, across from a curtained window.

She was sure she was staring. Sure her mouth was hanging open and her eyes were wide. Sure she looked like a fool. But she really, honestly couldn't help it.

Until Lapis cleared her throat, and her eyes were swiveling around to the girl as she slipped a drenched coat from her shoulders to reveal a dark gray tank top. Her eyebrows pulled up as she eyed the blonde, almost hesitantly.

"What, don't tell me you can't handle my decorating skills. I'm a pro, you know."

It was getting harder to stop the smiles that threatened to tug up the corners to her mouth. And, at the very same time, it was also getting harder to not just walk right out the door. This felt so stiff and uncomfortable and wrong.

But she couldn't bring herself to leave. Not when Lapis was obviously (and yes, that was just a smidge sarcastic) trying to lighten the mood.

"It's... satisfactory," she mused, stepping past the doorframe and onto the plush rug that enveloped the floor. It was soft beneath her bare feet. She'd left her shoes and socks by the front entrance, as both would've just tracked water all along the house.

Lapis chuckled, tossing her jacket across the back of a desk chair that looked too old to even be standing any longer. She stretched her arms up above her head before letting them fall loosely to her sides. "Yeah, well, thanks for the support," she joked quietly, shuffling over to the closet.

It was small, almost nonexistent, so it surprised Peridot when the door was tugged open and what seemed like an avalanche of clothes fit snugly inside.

Lapis looked over. She furrowed her brow as she took in the entirety of the blonde, which had Peridot squirming under such scrutiny.

"You wanna borrow some clothes? It's either that or sit on the floor cause you're not getting my stuff wet."

Well that really left her an option. Peridot shifted in place, looking around again. "But your clothes won't fit. We're different sizes."

The taller girl narrowed her eyes. "You calling me fat?"

It surprised them both when the blonde snorted, crossing her arms over her stomach. "No. We're different heights, though."

Lapis mused a moment, fingers ghosting over the fabric of several articles. Finally, she snagged a random shirt and tossed it, without looking, in the blonde's direction. She managed to catch it.

It was a pale yellow, short sleeve shirt that had her wrinkling her nose. "Why do you have yellow? That's the worst color to dress in." She'd barely gotten the last word out before being hit in the face by a pair of shorts that were the ugliest shade of burgundy she'd ever had the horror to witness before.

She actually made a noise of disgust. It only earned her a laugh and push as Lapis sauntered by, stopping in the doorframe to glance back.

"My house. You'll wear whatever I give you. Now change in here, and I'll be back in a sec."

Peridot could only open her mouth before the girl was gone, door swinging shut behind her. Emerald eyes cast down to the clothes in her hands. Her nose wrinkled. These were truly hideous.

But... Lapis did have a point. And there was no way she was snooping through the girl's closet (though it did ultimately cross her mind when she looked back) just to find something more suitable.

She stripped down quickly, slipping on the articles as fast as she could so she wouldn't be caught halfway through. Frankly, the very thought alone had her a blushing, mumbling mess. To have it become a reality... Ugh. She'd die from too much blood rushing to her brain.

The shirt was an okay fit, a little long but not uncomfortably so. The shorts, however, were stupid. They must have stopped just before Lapis' knees, but now they fell to below them on Peridot. It made her feel like a child, and she was self consciously tugging them up.

A moment of quiet passed, and she laid her wet clothes on the chair as well, shuffling over to the window. Parting the curtains, which were a clean white, she looked out. Sky was still a deep gray. Rain was still hard. Lightening still flashed every now and again.

The door creaked open, and the blonde turned in time to see the taller girl slipping in and shaking her head, fingers smoothing out the mess that her hair was being as it dried. Though, mess wasn't really the right word for it. It was actually kind of cute, curling slightly, framing her thin face even more than was normal.

Peridot was looking away to stop those thoughts before she even considered it. "Thanks," she muttered, referring to the clothes, though she wasn't sure a 'thank you' was in order when she quiet hated them. Even if they were Lapis'.

No, _because_ they were Lapis'.

Yeah... She had to keep telling herself that.

Lapis shrugged and just casually dropped her stuff right behind the door, walking over to flop down on the bed. She sighed, and brought her arms up to rest beneath her head.

"No prob. Don't think this is gonna be a normal thing, though. Consider it your one free pass."

Emerald eyes narrowed. Yeah, she could definitely keep telling herself it was Lapis she hated. The snarky, pompous, egotistical brat.

She glowered, seething as she trudged over and sat on the very edge of the mattress, even though Lapis had managed to fall about midway on the bed. She didn't want to be any closer to the blue haired nut than she had to be.

"So, how's it going?"

Peridot glanced back, brow raising. "Seriously?"

Lapis chuckled, opening one eye to return the look. "What? Never heard of small talk before?"

The blonde shook her head and sighed, looking away as her hands came up to somewhat smooth out her hair. It was probably a mess. The rain hadn't been nice, and she didn't have a mirror to check it out. After only a moment, and with the shifting of the bed as Lapis sat back up, she gave up.

"You know," Lapis began, and it caught the blonde's attention enough that she half looked back, "yellow doesn't look too bad on you."

Peridot's lips pursed. She glared and looked away, shaking her head. "Whatever."

Her breath caught, though, when fingertips slid up her forearm slowly. "But burgundy still looks fucking terrible," Lapis chuckled.

The blonde jerked away from the touch and twisted around, look like daggers, arms uncrossed for fists to clench against the tops of thighs. "Don't touch me," she seethed, mouth twisted into something that should have been a sneer.

Instead, it just looked like a pitiful excuse for a frown.

Lapis sighed, eyes following the length of Peridot's front subconsciously. Until red caught her attention.

A line, jagged and puffy and dark. Enflamed, really, would be the right word to describe it. Too straight. Too unnatural.

Thin eyebrows crooked downward as she cocked her head. "What's that?" she asked, quietly, though she knew. She knew and she hated it without cause. No, there was cause. Peridot's skin shouldn't be torn like that. Peridot shouldn't be hurt like that.

The blonde seemed taken by surprise at the sudden question, eyes also falling down. A hand came up to pull at the fabric of the shirt, looking it over carefully. She couldn't see anything, no off coloring or splotches.

"What?"

And there was a hand, wrapped round her wrist, drawing her arm away from her body and turning it with enough care as to be gentle. The air in her throat caught when her eyes also landed on the cut. Knowing without words what Lapis had meant.

For a moment, she couldn't speak. Only watched as hesitant fingers ghosted across her flesh, never touching the mark, just the surrounding area. She couldn't bring herself to look and see what sort of reaction it had warranted on the other girl's face.

"Cat," she brokenly whispered, the only word she could think of. That made it past her lips. She felt more than saw the way Lapis glanced at her. It gave her the strength to swallow, to add on. "My cat... He was mad at me, earlier."

It wasn't a complete lie. Pumpkin had been in a bad mood that morning. But... she almost felt ashamed she'd ever blame him of something like this. He'd never hurt her. He actually couldn't. Her mother had insisted he be declawed.

But Lapis didn't question it. She accepted the reasoning, nodded. Though, something about her eyes made Peridot believe she knew more than she was letting on.

She saw the way the girl swallowed. Licked her lips. "Be more careful." It came out as a whisper. "And make sure to clean this... Don't want it getting worse."

Peridot would have nodded. She would have jumped from the bed and ran to the bathroom to wash it now if Lapis had told her to.

If she could have.

But then Lapis did something unexpected. Something that kept her rooted to her seat, to the edge of the bed, long after. Something that very nearly had tears breaking the barriers she'd erected to keep them at bay.

Lapis lowered her eyes back to the wound. Her fingers tightened their hold on a thin wrist. Tugged the arm higher, gently. Cerulean eyes glanced her way, a flicker of question, of needed understanding.

And then a kiss.

Soft but purposeful. Full lips and the warmth of breath through a trembling exhale. Sending electricity coursing down her arm. Just beneath her skin.

Their eyes locked. Even when Lapis pulled back. Even when Lapis let go.

Even when Peridot couldn't find the strength to keep from crying.

* * *

 **A/N:** _Okay, guys. Told ya this'd be a long one. Hope it's not too long haha._

 _Oh real quick, I know. I felt really bad about breaking up Pearl and Amethyst but trust me, I'm not a complete monster. I've got it sorta worked out lol._

 _Thanks to everyone who's still here haha, you guys are awesome. See ya at the next update! -Sara_


	18. Chapter 18

It was easy to slip back into normalcy with Amethyst. Always easy. Once word got around that her and Pearl had split, Peridot had been there. Tucking back her own problems, leaving them to boil on the back burner a while. Because Amethyst never left her hanging, so it was only fair she show the same dedication to a friend in a bind.

But Amethyst really didn't need her all that much. By the time they were talking again, the violet haired girl was almost back to her old self. Cracking jokes, shrugging off the prying eyes of those too nosy to mind their own business.

It helped that Sapphire talked to her. Something about that girl was just... relaxing. Assuring. Maybe that was why she and Ruby made such a great duo.

Lapis... there wasn't much from Lapis. After the initial house visit, she seemed to avoid Peridot. Not completely, not slipping into random classrooms or feigning bathroom breaks to get away. Just, disquieted. More removed.

Peridot hated that it actually hurt her. A little. Maybe.

But there wasn't much time to consider their relationship, whatever it was. Because the holidays were popping up, slow building and overhanging like an immersive cloud. And if there was one thing Peridot hated more than her mother's constant undermining, it was Christmas.

* * *

One day. She had it marked on her imaginary calendar. One more day of this hell before another one emerged. Maybe even worse than this one, given the chance.

Peridot huffed as she let her locker door fall shut, shouldering her bag and turning to make it to class before the last bell sounded. She'd made it all of three steps before a figure was there, looming beside her, shadowing her. She didn't even flinch, knowing who it was by sound alone.

She pushed up her glasses. "Are we on speaking terms again?"

Lapis shrugged, switching her books from one arm to the other. "Didn't realize we were off them."

The blonde shot her a glare, unable to help the way her hands twitched by her sides. "You seemed to be."

Her classroom, thank whatever spirit above you wanted. A subconscious sigh of relief fell from her lips as she paused at the doorway, hand poised to reach for the knob but waiting. Waiting for Lapis to leave. To keep walking.

She didn't.

She stopped right beside Peridot, eyeing the wooden structure leading into the classroom like it was some bizarre invention she'd never witnessed before. If Peridot had looked up, just a fraction of a beat, she'd have seen the way crystalline teeth worried a belittled bottom lip.

Another strike of silence, save the scurrying of peers and fading conversations. And nothing but the twist of a handle to get Peridot out of here before they were alone. Before she was tardy. Before whatever was hanging on Lapis' tongue found life.

Peridot couldn't bring herself to do it.

Her hand fell to her side. Her eyes slid sideways, eyeing the tanned skin of an arm. Unable to move up, look into blue she knew she'd be lost to.

"What?"

A very visible twitch as Lapis shifted in her spot, the sound of the bell overhead causing both to jump. Shrill and loud and piercing and damning all at once. A part of Peridot felt a twinge of panic jolt through her.

Then a hand gripping hers, fingers slipping between her own, filling in the spaces. Moving, walking, lightly jogging. A quiet distancing as they left the comfort of classes in session, heading down a hall all but abandoned. One or two stragglers, no teachers (by some miracle).

Peridot had never been as lost for words as she was when the door to an emptied classroom slid shut and they were delved into dark, save a sliver of light creeping in through the door's sad excuse for a window.

She didn't realize her breathing had sped up until Lapis dropped her books, the sound causing the blonde to yip, a hand coming across her mouth to silence her.

They stood that way for what felt like minutes. Lapis holding her breath, listening, as Peridot froze beneath her touch. In reality, it was mere seconds before a relieved huff escaped the taller girl's mouth and she let the blonde go, backing away to lean all too casually along the wall adjacent to a multitude of posters.

Peridot could only stare. What was happening? She knew Lapis was spontaneous, maybe even crazy, but this? They were ditching class, they were standing in off-limits territory. And as far as Peridot knew, she was about to become this girl's plaything.

She couldn't help that anger flared to life in her belly, twisting and searing. Only igniting the fear more. Only making Lapis look that much more insane. Only making this whole thing seem that much more ridiculous.

"What the hell is your problem?!" she half-whispered, half-hissed at a volume she felt couldn't possibly be heard outside this room. It didn't matter that the walls were more or less sound proof. Or that the hallways were clear. Anything could happen.

This proved that.

Lapis shook her head, sighing as her foot came out to toe against one of her scattered books and binders. "I'm sorry, alright? This wasn't the plan."

"The plan? _The plan?!_ What the fuck, Lazuli?! If someone saw us,-"

"No one saw us, they'd have come in here by now," the taller girl snapped, eyes downcast and arms tightening against her chest. "Look, I just... I wasn't sure how to..."

She scoffed, at her own self, at the way, when she looked up, the blonde was glaring at her. It wasn't hard to see the way those emerald eyes were misting over, though, even with the lack of decent lighting. She felt something along the same lines as guilt bite at her.

"I'm not gonna hurt you or anything, alright? I just.. thought we might need to talk."

Peridot's teeth ground, even as that stupid lump threatened her in the back of her throat. "Oh and you couldn't wait, I don't know, _four more hours?!_ Maybe even over break or something?!" She was aware her voice was pitching up, losing the whisper aspect and taking on more a venomous undertone. She couldn't really help it, though, even with the fear of being caught still ever present.

And it didn't help that Lapis was... smiling? _Smiling?!_ At a time like this?! What the fu-

"You're voice gets all whiny when you're mad. It's kinda cute."

Peridot very nearly growled. Like, actually growled. It was enough that she kicked the binder by her feet hard enough to skid it all the way to the back of the room.

She wanted to cry. The panic at not being in class, knowing that someone would be alerted, that maybe even her mother would be called, sent her stomach into giant, edgy knots. The anger at being in some stupid room with this stupid person under these stupid circumstances was going to make her lose her mind.

And then to have Lapis tell her she was getting whiny? And that she was cute when she got that way?

Peridot whipped back around to face the taller girl, taking a steady step forward as her finger jutted out to point. "I'm leaving, right now, and there's nothing you can do to stop me," she seethed.

Lapis blinked, smile dipping at the corners just a smidge. Then she shrugged, letting her arms fall to her sides. "Okay. Fine."

And that was it. No, "oh don't go" or "we still have to talk, though" passing her lips. And it...

Well... Peridot wasn't sure what she felt about that.

She herself blinked, swallowed somehow. "Okay, fine," she mirrored, hand wavering as she stepped to the side, closer to the door.

Lapis' smile turned into a smirk, but she didn't move. Peridot took another step, eyes narrowing. Another step. Her hand reached out to feel for the handle she knew was in arm's reach now. Found it. Twisted it.

Paused.

"You... aren't gonna stop me?"

Lapis chuckled, and the sound was so genuine it caused Peridot to let go of the cool metal, her escape into freedom. She let herself look at Lapis, really look this time because up until now she'd been avoiding those eyes.

But she met them, headstrong. And wilted.

They were gentle in the worst of ways, alarming in the best. Deep and endearing, playfully taunting. Testing her. Asking her without words what she thought she was doing. Why she was trying so hard.

How could she answer that? How could she explain this feeling, this gut desire that wanted Lapis at her side all the time while simultaneously wanting her a continent away? How could she admit that she was actually okay with this, whatever this was, simply because it was Lapis, and she liked that? How could she say, with certainty, that she wanted to be left alone, when all she craved was the exact opposite?

How could she tell anyone what she felt, when she herself didn't want to be told?

The door was a thousand miles away. It was right at her back. It was a resounding blessing. It was a pitiful oblivion.

It was sturdy and true as her back hit it, as her arms hit it. It was dull and lifeless as the warmth of a body pressed to her front and slender digits dug against the pulse points of her wrists. It was meaningless, as another's nose danced against her own, a breath she didn't possess ghosting her lips and cheek.

"Because it's not up to me, Peridot." She more felt the words than heard them, more steady and far stronger than anything. "It's always been you."

Her eyelids fell without permission, lungs stilled without consent, legs quaked without warning. The only thing she did voluntarily was whimper, though it could have stood for so much, for nothing.

Another breath, another heartbeat felt by searching fingers. Another agonizing moment of distilled quiet, save the very blood rushing through her ears and overwhelming her mind.

An inch. The mere tipping of a head. That's all it would take to remove the gap. To end the suffering.

She forced her eyelids to inch up. Stared at a face so relaxed and so close it was dizzying. Found that there was no more strength left to even attempt to push away. Realized the feeling in her chest was the need to breath, aching and pleading.

So she gave up.

* * *

"Yo, P-dog, missed ya last block, dude," Amethyst offered as the blonde slipped into her place along side her friend.

"Sorry," she muttered, "got sidetracked." Her eyes glued to the table and didn't budge, even when her friend frowned and nudged her.

"Hey, you okay? It's not like you to miss. And I'm not liking that look. The table might burst into flames if you keep staring like that."

Peridot didn't even smirk. Instead, her mouth opened wordlessly, floundering for something that counted as sound. And even Amethyst wasn't blind to the way her hands twisted and folded together in her lap, trying to be out of sight beneath the table but failing.

The violet haired girl groaned, throwing her arm around the blonde and brushing it off (though she did scoff) when Peridot immediately tried twisting free. She managed two seconds before her attempts were cut short by the fiercest glare she was sure Amethyst had ever given her.

"Come on, dude, what is it? And I swear if you lie to me, I'll knock your ass out right here."

The blonde winced. Her shoulders slumped. Her head fell until an audible smack sounded at the contact of her forehead against the tabletop. She didn't move for several seconds, and the frown on her friend's face deepened in worry.

She was just about to threaten the girl again when Peridot finally spoke, though it was muffled and already little more than a whisper. "Lapis." It was the only thing she said, and for a moment it just hung in the air like a nuisance.

Then Amethyst was narrowing her eyes and jerking her head around to try and scope out the named issue. "Alright, what'd she do? If she hurt you I'll pound her face in." And there was real challenge in her voice, something rare and almost startling if Peridot could feel anything aside from the guilt and raw self hatred that coursed through her veins.

"No, other way round," she sighed, wishing she had the strength to raise her head just so she could slam it back down.

That gave Amethyst pause, and the blonde felt when her friend shifted, could just feel the way her eyes bore into the side of her head. "Wait, what?"

Peridot might have answered. Maybe. Okay, she wouldn't have, so it was kind of good that a distraction came. Until said distraction was actually named.

"So you're not gay," a voice spoke behind them, and Peridot didn't even need to look up to know it was Ruby. Didn't need to be a genius to hear the obvious smirk lilting through each syllable.

"Ruby, be nice," Sapphire could be heard whispering, and Peridot could just imagine the way she smirked regardless of her words.

"No way! Peri, you've got game." And an arm was wrapping round her shoulders overtop Amethyst's, which was still there, just adding to the weight she was slowing taking to consider was similar to having a building placed atop her chest.

And of course the violet haired girl was the first to question, though she herself was a little confused as well. "Hold up, what are you talking about?"

A shake as Ruby jerked her to the side in an awkward half hug. "Sapphire just told me that this chick," another jerk, as if to signify just who was being discussed, "was seen leaving an empty classroom with some babe."

And the arm Amethyst had around her stiffened, as did the entirety of Peridot's body.

Because they'd been seen. Lapis had said-

No. No, it wasn't Lapis' fault. It was hers. She had been the one all too eager to leave the second that bell rang. She had been the one practically sprinting down the hall. Because to be in that room a second longer, to look at Lapis a second longer, was to damn herself.

She'd so very nearly done it. So very nearly kissed the one girl that had ever attracted her. Would that have made her a hypocrite? Would that have made her gay? Does your first kiss really even count in cases like that?

"Woah, _what?!_ " And then she was being jerked the opposite direction, up against Amethyst, and the back of her shirt was being gripped as her friend tried to get her to look up. She didn't want to. God, she didn't want to. But she did.

Only to be met with smirks and smiles and questioning but glinting gazes. Only to realize that the self hatred could only worsen.

"So, what, did ya turn her down or something?" Amethyst questioned, and even though there was still visible concern on her face she was eating this up like it was the best of meals.

"No way, you turned her down?" Ruby was asking then, and the whole while Sapphire's eyes were just on her. Just watching. And it felt like so much, too much, and she couldn't breath again and-

And of course she had to look up when Lapis walked in. Of course she had to be surrounded by questions, overwhelmed by anger, completely deluding her friends without even trying, when their eyes met.

And of course Lapis had to smile, even when they both knew it wasn't that simple. Not this time.

She felt sick. Physically ill, her stomach churning and the taste of bile riding her tongue. She couldn't even voice what she was doing as she jumped up, just did it.

It didn't matter that her friends were questioning and that Lapis hadn't looked away yet. It didn't matter that her legs were rubber and her stomach was a volcano that was seconds away from erupting and emptying. It didn't even matter that she was all too aware of the looks she was receiving as she ran through the lunch room, tears on her cheeks, hands to her mouth, knowing that someone would say something later. Knowing that she was prey to fall victim when someone needed the joke of the day.

Because this all was a joke. Some big, complicated, ridiculous joke. And she was always going to be the punch line.


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N:** _So I thought a lighter toned chapter was in order after the angst conundrum I've drug you all through haha. Once more, this is a little longer than originally intended. But happier! Lapis' POV since we haven't had that in a while. Fair enough?_

 _Great, thanks guys! Oh and big thanks to everyone who's voted and commented. It's really awesome that this is getting so much support. Enjoy! -Sara_

* * *

"Hey, not on the counter!" Sadie managed through laughter, quickly backing up as liquid was spewed everywhere, a choking, laughing, coughing Lapis behind the disaster.

"God," she managed through another wracking fit of coughs and gags, "is your mother _trying_ to kill you?"

Sadie snickered, shaking her head as she reached for a roll of paper towels she'd retrieved for this reason specifically. "Told ya you couldn't drink the whole thing. The woman can cook like it's no one's business, but this..." She trailed off, and even as Lapis steadied herself against the counter, they both broke into another fit of giggles when they shared a look.

"Dammit. Guess I owe ya twenty then, right?"

A wicked smile graced the blonde's lips. "That's what we agreed on, I believe."

The taller girl groaned, carefully pushing the half empty solo cup aside as she simultaneously reached for the roll being handed over. "Fine, fine. But at least I proved a point."

Sadie's eyebrows shot up playfully, arms crossing. "Oh really? Would that point be that you're an idiot, maybe?"

Lapis couldn't help the laugh that escaped her lips as she ripped one of the paper towels free, dropping it into the spreading mess. "Yeah, that too. But before that. About not being a chicken." She stuck her tongue out for good measure, childish and earning an eye roll.

The blonde shrugged. "Hey, I learned my lesson years ago. To this day I don't trust anyone's eggnog. But especially not hers."

They dipped into quiet as Lapis cleaned up her mess, and Sadie took the opportunity to transport the cup to the back, returning a moment later with a mop and bucket to clean anything that had gotten on the shop's floor.

Lapis moved aside, sliding behind the counter to replace the roll and grabbing the gross, balled up paper towels she'd already used. They were deposited in the waste basket just below the cash register, and she turned to head to the back to grab a rag.

"Don't worry, I've got it," the blonde spoke up, straightening up as she replaced the mop in its respective bucket. "Lars... rearranged things the other day. I'm still not sure where the basics are at the moment."

Lapis' brows furrowed as she leaned against the display case cautiously, careful not to press to hard or smudge the transparent glass. "Why don't you just fire the prick? He doesn't seem to even like his job here."

Sadie opened her mouth, lost her wording. Her lips pursed closed as she threw Lapis a glance too quick to catch. She began pushing the supplies back towards the back, not speaking until she was facing away.

"He's a good kid. Confused, but good."

It didn't take a genius to hear the undertone to her words. Even Lapis could catch it. She didn't comment on it, though. Not this time.

Instead, she found herself digging through her front pocket, pulling out a few wadded bills and smoothing them out, placing them directly beside the cash register. A moment later and the bell overhead the entryway was sounding out.

She couldn't help grinning back at the kid that very nearly gasped upon seeing her.

"Lapis!" the dark haired boy shouted, pumping his fists into the air as he rushed inside and right up to the counter, leaving a slower but chuckling Amethyst to stand in the doorway.

Lapis very nearly laughed at his antics, reaching out to ruffle his hair gently. "Hey, Steven, was it?"

The boy nodded vigorously, toothy grin and sparkling eyes in place. He scanned the area only a second as the sound of the closing door followed behind. "Do you work here now? Is that why Lars has been hanging around Funland more?"

"No, she doesn't work here yet," Sadie answered as she came from the back, damp clothe in hand, tossing it lightly to Lapis who caught it expectantly. "Not that I haven't tried talking her into it."

"I'd actually get fat if I was allowed to stay here all day," Lapis responded, wiping down the counter as she smirked at the boy, who laughed aloud good naturedly.

By this time Amethyst had made it to the front, and she tugged at the scarf wrapped around Steven's neck. "That's gotta be super hot Stee-Man," she commented, and he paused in his (practically) bouncing motion for her to remove it.

"I'll be right back. Think you can handle an order or two?" Sadie asked Lapis, snagging the clothe back when she saw it was no longer in use.

Lapis rolled her eyes at the blonde. "Sure, I'll try not to break anything."

She turned back to the two siblings as a chuckling Sadie disappeared once more. "So, what'll it be?"

Steven's smile widened if it were possible, and he held up two fingers. "Two donuts please. Extra sprinkles."

Amethyst barely contained an eye roll, and Lapis chuckled as she nodded. "Kay, you got it."

She took a moment to find the tongs, very nearly hidden under an avalanche of napkins, and carefully selected two of the sweet treats, placing them delicately on one of the many napkins and handing it over. She reached under the counter and pulled out the little shaker of sprinkles she knew resided there, handing them over.

She glanced back at the back, then leaned in conspiring-like, and Steven followed suite. "Sprinkles are supposed to be extra, " she whispered, "but I think we can let it slide this time." She winked as if to confirm it.

The boy laughed quietly, nodding and shooting a glance back to Amethyst, who had heard everything. She only looked like she wanted to smile, lips caught somewhere between a smirk and sneer.

"Do you think we should let her in on the deal?" Steven asked, eyeing the girl up and down.

Lapis opened her mouth to answer, but Amethyst cut in by leaning in close and whispering rather loudly. "You better, considering I'm the one paying, you dope."

They all broke into a fit of chuckles, and Lapis couldn't help that she felt her mouth curve up further when Amethyst winked her way.

"You know," the short girl voiced as she pulled out a couple of bills from her back pocket, counting them, "you're really not so bad, Lapis."

The blue haired girl quirked an eyebrow. "Oh?"

Amethyst rolled her shoulders, slapping the money down on the counter. "Yeah. I'm not gonna lie, you were kind of a bitc-"

"Language," Steven interjected, donut halfway to his mouth and eyes glaring at Amethyst.

The girl held up her hands in surrender, letting the smirk become just that. "Yeah, yeah, whatever, pipsqueak." She turned back to Lapis. "Anyways, I didn't like you. And I was starting to worry you were, like, bad or something. For Peridot, I mean."

The mention of her name caused the smile that had started growing on Lapis' face to weaken a tad, going unnoticed but still bringing a pang with it. She felt guilty. For the way she'd left things hanging between them that last day of school. For the way she couldn't really do anything about it. She wasn't sure where Peridot lived, hadn't gotten a phone number. And even though the town was smallish, it wasn't a guarantee they'd keep bumping into each other regularly.

"But you're pretty alright," Amethyst finished, unaware of the inner monologue sifting through the other girl's brain.

Steven, however, seemed all too aware, as he eyed the taller girl with question. And concern, she realized, when her eyes met his. She tried pushing off the feeling that he could see everything inside her head, but that was easier said then done when amber melted into understanding that shouldn't have understood.

It was eerie. She had to look away.

She shook her head. "Yeah, you're pretty okay yourself," she returned, forcing it to sound something close to genuine. Because suddenly it didn't feel genuine, and she couldn't be sure why, exactly.

Steven, bless him, saved her from a longer conversation with the girl (that she found maybe she didn't exactly need) by suddenly tugging on Amethyst's shirt hem. She looked at him questioningly.

"Can I use your phone? Pleeeeaaasee?" he whined, giving puppy dog eyes that could melt the coldest of hearts.

Amethyst, however, seemed unfazed. "No way. You've got your own, why do ya need mine?"

"Cause yours has that awesome game," he explained, pitching a look towards Lapis, "and I really wanna show Lapis how it works."

Amethyst shrugged him off. "Come on, you can totally get it on yours. Besides, she doesn't wanna watch you play some sad spinoff of dungeons and dragons."

Steven huffed a moment, cocking his head. Then, he lifted up the donut he still had left. "Please?" he tried again.

Amethyst stared at the offered food. She looked back to him. She groaned as she tugged out her phone from her back pocket and handed it over begrudgingly. "Fine," she muttered, snatching the donut, "but go through my stuff and I'll murder you. Kapeesh?"

Steven grinned. "Kapeesh." He turned his attention back to Lapis. "Come on, it's really cool! You can start off as an elf or orc or warrior, and you have to get to the end to save the kingdom from this massive invasion."

His eyes lit up as he talked, animatedly, arms waving with each sentence. Lapis shook her head slowly and slipped from behind the counter as Amethyst passed her. She threw a glance towards the taller girl.

"Mind keeping an eye on him? He'll talk for hours if you let him."

Lapis shrugged. "I don't mind, no."

Amethyst nodded and heading into the back, as Lapis followed over to an already sitting Steven and took the seat directly next to him. But when he pushed the phone her way, it wasn't some crudely animated forest background or character designer or weapon selection screen. It was a list of contacts.

"What?..." she mumbled, taking the phone regardless and staring at the screen in non-understanding. The boy chuckled quietly and glanced toward the back before leaning over and tapping a contact headed "shorty".

A number greeted her, and she looked up at Steven, curious.

"You looked kind of sad when Amethyst mentioned Peridot," he explained, voice low as he watched just behind her, in case either of the two decided to come back up to the front. "I thought maybe you'd lost her number or something."

Lapis blinked, looked back down. This was Peridot's number. She was looking at Peridot's number. She could call, text. She could talk to her, without having to worry about random encounters. Something in her stomach jumped.

"Thank you," she mumbled, and she knew she was smiling again. Couldn't help it.

It made Steven chuckle again, and she looked back up in time to see him giving her a look she couldn't really define. "No problem. Tell her I said hi, when you talk to her. She doesn't come over much anymore, and Amethyst doesn't take me over there."

Lapis nodded, dropping her eyes back to the glowing screen. "I promise."

* * *

You'd be surprised what you can learn from a simple phone number. Addresses pop up right along side them if you know just where to look. And, when dedicated, Lapis certainly knew where to look.

That didn't change the fact that she was, quite understandably, nervous as she stood on the front stoop of a rather nice but small house smack dead in the center of a street filled to the brim with practically identical houses. The only way to tell them apart, if you didn't live here she supposed, were the cars in the driveways, maybe a roof a different shade (but just barely), maybe even a lawn decoration or two.

Overall, it was actually pretty spooky. She was sure the inside was probably so much better, but it was the matter of getting inside that had her wringing her hands. What if Peridot answered and slammed the door in her face? What if Peridot's mother or father answered, and they didn't like the way she looked?

She was seriously reconsidering the way she'd dressed. Black tank top and navy blue over shirt, and her best pair of jeans, only slightly faded at the knees. Beanie to keep her hair, which she couldn't stop messing with, in check. She'd even taken out her earrings and navel piercing in case they were a problem.

She could hear voices inside, for a few moments when she'd first shown up catching the last notes to what sounded like a piano being played. She was sure she looked strange. A random chick just standing on the front porch like an idiot, staring at a door that remained shut tightly no matter how she willed it with her mind to inch open.

She very nearly gave in and ran.

But, with whatever gracious courage someone somewhere offered her, she raised a fist. Lowered it. Raised it again.

And knocked.

Slow and steady, purposeful, thrice in a row before dropping her hand and gaze like they were boulders she couldn't shoulder. She didn't realize she was holding her breath until the door creaked open, and she suddenly felt far too lightheaded.

She thought she was pretty tall. Or, at least a little above average.

But this woman... dear god.

She was a head taller than Lapis, straight backed and neutral faced, with eyes the deepest shade of grey she'd ever witnessed and hair a shade she'd never seen, but supposed must be something similar to platinum blonde.

This... wasn't the woman she remembered.

If she was remembering correctly, of course. That night at the town hall, the music event thing, it had been so long ago, though.

"Yes?"

It was so stern and so empowered and so... so...

It broke Lapis from her thoughts, and she subconsciously straightened in spite of the fact her hands were actually shaking and she was having to look up to see into the woman's face.

"U-um... Hi. I'm Lapis, a-a friend of... Peridot? Are you, um, a-are you her mother?"

She hated the way her voice betrayed her. Hated that she was so nervous to begin with when da**it! this didn't even matter. So what if Peridot's mother liked her? Since when had parental approval ever matter? And why would she need it anyways when Peridot obviously didn't even like her enough to like her?

What the fuck was she doing here in the first place?

Dear god she was an idiot!

A chuckle.

And it chilled her, she froze as she looked back up, her gaze having drifted down as her mind berated her over and over and over. Her eyes widened as she witnessed the woman before her shake her head, a small quirk tugging at thin lips that portrayed some sense of humor.

"No, no. I'm her aunt. Come in, dear, it's cold out here." And she moved aside, offering Lapis the chance to come in.

And it didn't matter that Lapis couldn't remember why she was here. Not even that the contrast as she stepped through the entryway was so sudden that it made her shiver, the change from cold to hot almost unpleasant in its intensity. She was shrugging off her coat at the insistence of the woman before she could respond.

"It's so nice to meet you. Peridot doesn't talk about her friends much. It's more school and music than anything." The woman glanced towards what Lapis assumed was the kitchen, judged solely from the mouth watering aroma coming from that direction. "Her mother is so insistent on her education. I agree it's important, but I'm so glad she has people to relax with, too."

And it shocked Lapis more than the woman was so... open. Openly speaking to her, still neutral expression and same overwhelming tone, but... inviting? It was... confusing.

"Miri, darling, who was at the door?" another voice called, and Lapis could just faintly recall that voice. Yes... yes, she'd heard that one before. Backstage, before Peridot had walked off. Cold and fierce.

"A friend of Peridot's," the woman, Miri, Lapis mentally named, answered.

A pause, and then the sound of what could only be heavy metal against metal, before quiet again. And Peridot's mother stepped from around the corner both Lapis and Miri had been watching.

And geez, Lapis had forgot how terrified those eyes made her.

They were livid in the worst of ways, a swimming, molten lava of sickly yellow that seared you alive if you looked too long. Her hair was a tad shorter, awkwardly parted bangs and curled edges that just barely reached her jawline, wrapping around and framing her face, making it's oblong shape that much more apparent.

Her sister was definitely pretty, even though it was obvious through age lines that she was older.

The woman smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes. "Hello, dear, and who might you be?" And it was sickening how sweet her voice was supposed to be. Amusing just how far it failed to be so.

"Lapis, ma'am," she murmured, and it bothered her that her hands still hadn't stopped shaking, or that her legs felt glued to the floor like a sandpit was tugging her in, forever trapping her in that glare. "A friend of your daughter, Peridot." But it did impress her that her voice didn't waver. Maybe because she'd seen this act before. The sizing up thing. It didn't effect her nearly the same as the natural aura that surrounded the woman's sister.

Who, if she wasn't mistaken, was still standing behind her, her coat in hand, watching the little interaction.

Peridot's mother brought her hands up, cupping them before her stomach. "Delighted, I assure you," she offered, bowing her head briefly. But her tone spoke volumes her tongue didn't have the venom to spew just yet.

She clapped her hands once, and it was loud, making Lapis wince. "Peridot!" Her mother shouted, loud enough to be heard throughout the entirety of the house.

A faint, "Coming, mother!" could be heard from somewhere overhead, and Lapis both relaxed and tensed more knowing that Peridot was just a floor away from her.

Yellow eyes loomed back over her, and Lapis nearly smirked at the way a nose scrunched at her. So the woman didn't like the way she looked regardless.

"Hats off, in this house."

Lapis blinked, hand raising automatically to her head. The beanie. "Oh," she voiced, yanking it off and shaking her head to somewhat make her hair more presentable. "Sorry?" It came out more a question than intended, but Peridot's mother only waved it off.

It was only where the quiet that settled around the three still figures felt too heavy and too much like awkward regret that Peridot came bounding down the stairs, one hand gliding along the banister. The second her feet hit the landing she was looking up and smiling (quite fakely, Lapis noted).

"Yes mothe..." Her voice trailed off, and a look of mixed horror and surprise graced her features as she stared, wide eyed, at Lapis. Who only smiled gently and mouthed, after glancing quickly to make sure no one was looking, 'miss me?'

"Lapis," the blonde choked out, and Lapis could just see the way the gears in her mind were working, wondered what methods of murder she was devising behind that false bravado. "It's... great to see you."

"Same, I just came by because of that project. You know, the one for English? You promised to help me with it." It was an easy lie that slipped off her tongue without much consideration, and she was amused at the way emerald eyes narrowed and she caught sight through the corner of her eye of Peridot's mother stiffening.

"A project? You never said anything about that, Peridot."

The blonde floundered, lost between shooting hate filled glances Lapis' way and guilt laced one to her mother. Lapis actually felt sorta bad, and butted in before Peridot could get herself in trouble.

"Oh, no ma'am, Peridot doesn't have to do one."

Yellow and emerald eyes alike trained on her. "No?"

Lapis shook her head. "No ma'am. I'm behind a bit, because I was out sick a week. So this project is to bring my grade up, and Peridot offered to help me with it."

"Oh isn't that lovely," Miri mused, drawing all of their attentions. "Then you two head on up! There's still an hour before dinner. Lapis, dear, would you like to stay for it?"

Lapis stared a moment, mouth opening to respond, but she was beat to it.

"Miri, I'm sure her family is expecting her back before then. Perhaps another time?"

"Nonsense! Why else would she be here so late?"

Lapis cast a look Peridot's way. She received a pleading, desperate expression that had her smirking. So what if Peridot's mother hated her for it?

"Dinner actually sounds great, thank you," she answered, and the tension in the woman's broad shoulders was enough to make it worth it that Peridot just might never speak to her again after this.

Miri clapped her hands. "Lovely! I'll be sure to set out another plate, then. Come, Patti, I'm sure we have room."

Peridot's mother's eyes narrowed menacingly even as her sister waltzed past her. "Of course." She didn't say anything further to Lapis as she turned and followed.

And Lapis was left with Peridot standing awkwardly, looking down at the floor, hands clenched at her sides. They didn't speak for a long moment, until Lapis looked up from the hardwood, taking in the white walls and clean, surprisingly spacious way.

"Nice place," she commented.

Emerald eyes whipped up, and she really hadn't ever seen such anger in them. It made her wince, taking a step back.

Peridot stepped forward, jaw clenching, grabbing her wrist and jerking her, none too gentle, forward. Before pausing, glancing down, and growling out, "No shoes in the house."

Lapis blinked, kicked off her shoes quickly and pushed them aside, next to another pair that were far more formal and in much better shape than her worn converses. She wasn't given a second more before she was being drug up the stairs, which were actually cushioned and pretty soft, and down another hall.

There were pictures everywhere. But not the family pictures you normally saw in a house like this. No first steps, family portraits, wedding photos, piano recitals. Just nature backgrounds and hand painted landscapes and the occasional intricate design that had you twisting your head around to try and desperately tell what the hell you were looking at, because it had to be backwards or upside down or sideways or something.

They stopped at a door, but one glance in told Lapis it was definitely a bathroom and not a bedroom.

She was a little disappointed, but also relieved because nails had dug into her flesh mercilessly and it stung quite a bit, when Peridot finally released her wrist. She rubbed it with her other hand as she turned in a circle in place, looking around.

Neither spoke a long moment. When they did, it was Peridot to break the silence.

"What do you want from me, Lapis?" And even though the anger was still so certain and so alive, it was so unsure and depressed at the same time. And she remembered that same question, too, from before. How she couldn't rightfully answer then. How she still couldn't.

Instead, she shrugged, stopping her circling when she was once more facing the blonde. "So your mom hates me. But your aunt is pretty cool."

Peridot glanced up, back down. "She's... tolerable. More so than mother."

Lapis nodded in agreement, cocking her head. "Are we gonna stand in the hall the next hour or you wanna show me where your room is?"

This time when Peridot looked up, her gaze didn't drop again. Her jaw was set and she shook her head vigorously. "No one goes in my room. Ever."

A pause, then the taller girl was rolling her eyes and huffing. "Boy you're just a ball of fun," she muttered, shoving her hands in her jeans' front pockets. "Okay, well, we could always go back downstairs. I'm sure you've got a tv down there somewhere."

Peridot's eyes widened. "No way! You-" And she stopped momentarily, eyes very suddenly narrowing. "You made them think we have a project to work on. My mother would kill me if she knew I was lying to her."

Lapis smirked. "Looks like we don't have much of a choice." Her eyebrows lifted. "Unless you have a computer we can use somewhere else."

Peridot's mouth opened. Closed. Opened again. It was adorable and made her look so childish in the best of ways. She scoffed and crossed her arms tightly, tapping her foot, looking anywhere but at Lapis.

The sound of soft meowing caught Lapis' attention. She turned on her heel, eyes scanning the hall. From out the corner of a room came a cat, a very large cat. He was an off, yellow-orange that looked more like finger paint gone wrong than natural color, and bright eyes looked at her lazily as he half meowed, half... whatever that sound was. She wasn't actually sure, but it made her chuckle.

She couldn't help squatting, raising her hands out in front of her and motioning him over. "Come here, come here kitty kitty," she murmured quietly, clicking her tongue.

Peridot groaned behind her. "Don't call him that. That's Pumpkin. And leave him alone. He doesn't like strangers, anyway."

Lapis only shifted forward, more focused now. "Come here, baby, it's okay," she mused, smiling gently at the animal.

It looked at her curiously, meowing once more and rubbing up against the wall. Then, padded over to her, no rush. She smirked as her fingertips brushed along the top of his head, dipping below his ear.

"Doesn't like strangers," she muttered, tempted to turn and stick her tongue out at Peridot.

It was too cute when Peridot instead gasped. "Pumpkin!" she whined, "you traitor! You're supposed to be on my side!"

Lapis smiled as she scratched at his chin, down his throat, before standing straight again. "He's really cute," she said as she watched him watch her, eyeing her and stepping up to rub against her leg.

She heard the blonde sigh, felt a tug on the hem of her shirt. She turned her head to find Peridot unable to meet her gaze.

A beat of silence. A quick, skirting glance. The jerk of a head as the blonde turned to walk only a door down. "My room," she muttered, pushing the door open and standing in the opening. Waiting on Lapis.

And Lapis couldn't help smiling. She mentally apologized on leaving so soon to the cat and followed Peridot's lead, stopping just outside the entryway. She half way expected the most girly of rooms.

But, instead of flowery pink and sickening supermodel posters, or even those really corny science and math posters and a mini science lab, she was met with... well... normal.

The walls were a darker shade of beige, comforting. The curtains matched the bedsheets, a rolling green that was, a little shockingly, actually quite pretty. Tiny night stand with a black alarm clock and very basic, white lamp fixture. No posters or mirrors or, really, any decoration, save a lone rug tacked up that had on it what looked like something from a video game. And of course the most cluttered of computer stands, paper and writing utensils everywhere.

No dirty clothes on the floor, or sheets unmade. No dirty dishes tucked back just out of sight. Almost... like it was unlived in.

"It's nice," Lapis found herself saying as she walked in, taking a quick look around before pulling out the swivel chair from it's place and sitting backwards in it.

Peridot winced but took a seat a ways away, on the edge of the bed. "Thanks, I guess."

They lapsed into silence then, but it was that uncomfortable sort of silence. The one where you're looking for any distraction because honestly, it has to be better than what's happening.

Lapis found that by deciding it was now or never to apologize.

"Listen, about Friday," she started, only to be stopped by the raising of a hand.

"No, don't," Peridot muttered, lowering her hand back down to her lap. There, it joined the other, twisting and twining nervously. "I-it was my fault. I shouldn't have snapped like that."

Lapis scoffed. "You had every right to snap. I was the one being pushy."

"Because you didn't know what else to be," came the reply, and it silenced them both. Only a moment though. Then another sigh. "Lapis... I... We're not..."

And it trailed off, because neither of them knew what they were and what they weren't. Neither knew why they were, why they weren't.

"It's okay. If you don't like me," Lapis finally said, and in her stomach that something that had jumped earlier sank. "But I still like you."

And Peridot was smiling, sadly. "I know. And maybe that's why I can't like you." It was a whispered confession, hanging by a thread they both knew was too eager to fray and snap.

Lapis eyed Peridot weakly. "Can't?" she questioned.

For once, she was grateful for the distance between them.

Because when emerald met cerulean, there was something there that had her breath catching. Something that had her digging her nails into the back of that chair, because it wasn't fair.

"You know what I mean."

Lapis swallowed. "Do I?" she croaked.

Emerald melted. Vanished as a heavy head dipped down, palms coming up to push glasses out the way and rub at tired eyes. An exhale, steady but still uneasy.

"You don't understand, you don't know me," Peridot whined. And that's all it was, a whine. "And I don't know you."

She was too far away again.

"Then let's get to know each other. How hard can that be?" It sounded pathetic and pleading even to her own ears. But she didn't take it back.

Peridot made a noise that could have been a scoff, could have been a groan. Could have a laugh or a sob. Lapis wasn't sure even when emerald eyes once more came up to look at her, a smile gracing thin lips.

"You don't give up, do you?"

And it was Lapis' turn to make that sound, even though it was still a mystery as to what it meant. Her head shook.

"Not when I want something, no."

Peridot's grin dipped, resteadied itself. "And what do you want, Lapis?"

Lapis looked at Peridot. At the way her hair fell to almost shoulder length when it wasn't fully spiked up with gel. At the way her glasses slipped down a nose too thin for their wire rimming. At the way her mouth screwed up at the corners, no matter what expression, making her always look slightly irritated. At the way her t-shirt was a size too big and an ugly shade of taupe and her sweats were stained with what looked like food.

And Lapis sucked in a breath, breathing in the smell of an off brand of perfume just barely present and something else, something metallic. Something completely and solely Peridot.

She answered honestly.

"You."


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N _:_** _Hey guys. So I'm sorry about the wait, life again heh._

 _Don't forget to vote, comment, all that. Next chapter should be up soon. Thanks guys -Sara_

* * *

She should have expected it.

The way dinner had went, the way the word 'okay' hung in her head. How it was _okay_ Lapis joked, but not fine because it made things tense. How it was _okay_ Peridot's mother smiled, but not great because it didn't reach her eyes. How it was _okay_ her aunt offered seconds, but not good because it meant yellow eyes were narrowing and thin lips were tightening. Trying to be polite. Nearly failing.

Still, as she watched from the front window, watched Lapis disappearing into the fading distance, it was still a surprise. A surprise to find her mother's hand on her arm. To look up and see angered eyes, but not on her. On the window. On an already faded figure.

"Peridot, I don't want you seeing that girl again." It wasn't a request.

Peridot felt her throat tighten as her eyes fell to the floor, to her hands as they clasped each other in a manner that did little to comfort. "Yes, mother."

A firm squeeze of her upper arm, a pat that was too rough to be anything save affirming. "Good. It's getting late. Don't forget to wash your dishes."

She wasn't expected to respond, so didn't. Just listened as her mother turned, stalked off. Back to the kitchen, for the moment. Back to her awaiting aunt and hushed talk, though there wasn't anything hushed about her aunt's tone. Peridot was fairly certain the woman didn't know what 'whisper' meant.

Another heartbeat of silence and staring at the reflection of her face in the glass. At the way lights from windows blazed within the dark confines of edging night.

Her jaw tightened as she herself turned, shaking off a chill that found its way down, traversing her spine. But it wasn't because of the cold she knew awaited outside, or because of the way her mother's words echoed in her ears.

It was because she didn't want to care about those words.

It was because she _wasn't_ going to care about those words.

* * *

She let her phone fall to the tabletop, shrugging into her seat even as the rest of her friends winced at the noise made from plastic hitting wood. Ruby threw Sapphire a look, stretched across the table to tap Peridot's shoulder gently.

"Hey, you okay?"

Emerald eyes narrowed, darting between the two as her phone lit up to the side of a glass of coke going untouched. "Okay, which one of you did it?"

Ruby blinked, Sapphire cocked her head. A knowing smirk graced her lips. "Did what?"

Emerald burned as it stared the older girl down. "You know _exactly_ what I'm talking about," she snapped, gaze then flitting over to her friend's partner. "Were you in on it, too?"

Ruby's eyebrows furrowed, mouth opening soundlessly. She looked from the seething blonde, over to her girlfriend, back. "What?" It was genuine, and Peridot huffed in annoyance.

She once more settled for glaring at Sapphire. "Admit it. Or I swear I'll hand _your_ number over to Jamie."

That knowing smirk faltered. Ruby went from looking confused to angry. She pointed a purposeful finger dangerously at the blonde. "Do it and I take back the laptop we gave you."

"Woah, hey now," another voice spoke up, and Peridot had a single second to look back and see some sort of old rock band promoting tee before something was shoved down over her hair and glasses. "Why're we threatening each other this time?"

Amethyst let herself fall down unceremoniously in the chair next to Peridot's, close enough their shoulders and knees brushed as the blonde forced the beanie off herself. It was more funny that intimidating when she very literally growled, throwing the hat down.

They all stared at the rainbow material, and Ruby was the first to speak again after a short pause, where the only sounds around them were Kiki taking someone else's order and the ceiling fan whirring.

"We knew you were gay, Ames, but seriously?" She added emphasis by picking the beanie up and fiddling with its material.

Amethyst chuckled, pushing back from the table so her chair was balanced on its back legs. "I know, pretty sweet, right? I got it yesterday." Her eyes landed on Peridot as she grinned. "Think of it as an initiation to the order."

The smaller girl winced, crossing her arms almost defensively. "Shutup," she muttered. It only made her friends smile more eagerly, looking between themselves.

Ruby took the beanie and slid it over Sapphire's head, taking a moment to push loose strands of bleached blonde back behind her ears. Her fingertips lingered across the girl's cheek as she gave a small simper.

Amethyst rolled her eyes as her two friends got caught up in themselves for the millionth time in a single day. She was tempted to ball up a napkin and throw it at them, if only to end the sickening googly eyed scene being played out. That was before she caught Peridot trying to be sneaky about checking her phone, using a glass as a makeshift cover.

That was definitely more interesting.

Looking away, sort of, and trying not to be too suspicious, she let the chair come to rest on all four legs. "Hey, Peridot?"

The girl's gaze jerked up, surprised to hear her full name for once. "Yeah?" Her hand twitched, bringing the phone back closer to her body instinctively.

"Whatcha doin'?"

Peridot floundered wordlessly a moment, before something lit up in her eyes and she was very quickly turning back to the two currently whispering love birds across from her. She pinched her mouth up in this way that looked so very childish it was impossible not to snicker.

"Texting Lapis. Because a certain _someone_ just had to go and give her my number." Amethyst followed the pointed look to a once again smirking Sapphire.

The two blonde's shared a moment of simple stares, one grimacing one grinning, before the older of the two sighed. Her hand slipped across the table, fingers tangling with her girlfriend's, before she stated, clearly, "Believe what you will. I had nothing to do with it."

Peridot's forehead scrunched, and she looked very near to yelling. "But you _know_ who did. That's just as bad!"

Ruby threw a protective arm over Sapphire's shoulder, letting the taller girl lean against her with a loose sigh. "Doesn't mean you gotta get all pissy, Per." Any possible threat was lost behind a well placed smirk.

Amethyst, who'd up until this point been listening to the little showdown, decided now was as good a time as any. Seeing as how Peridot had gotten to that 'throw my hands up in the air to show how exasperated I am' phase, she simply reached out and swiped the unattended electronic.

She was bolting from her seat and snickering as she did so before any of the others could react.

And then Peridot was fumbling after her, a slew of curses and Kiki's yelling to calm down while inside and two quietly chuckling friends left behind.

There was a reason her gym teacher hated her. She was out of breath before she reached the end of the sidewalk, huffing as she watched with horror as Amethyst fervently swiped across her phone screen, rushing around one of the many sand dunes that made this part of the beach normally uninhabited.

She groaned internally and started another slow, dragging jog toward where the girl had disappeared. It didn't help her throat or sinuses any that the air she was breathing was crisp enough to sting. Or that she'd left her coat across the back of a chair, and now had to deal with the nipping breeze when it reared its ugly head.

By the time she rounded the dune, she was rubbing her arms for warmth and more than less interested any longer. Sure, she was cursing the day she'd given Amethyst her phone passcode. And sure, she was wishing she'd blocked Lazuli and pretended she didn't know the girl. Or, at least deleted her texts.

Not that there was anything wrong with them!

On the contrary, their conversations were ultimately mild. Never passing the 'hey, how are you?' aspect before dipping into small talk about how bad this Christmas' weather was supposed to be, or how Lapis was maybe hoping they could grab a bite to eat somewhere. An offer very quickly shot down, of course. They didn't even have real conversations through text, or at least, not yet. That was being saved, apparently, for those unexpected surprise visits Lapis had far too great a habit of arranging.

Still, Peridot scowled when she found Amethyst lazily sitting on the shifting sand, cross legged and engrossed in whatever she was currently reading.

"You're a dork," she grumbled, heavily falling to the ground next to the girl. She received a smile, flashing a brief second only, before she was being ignore once more, the swiping up on her phone much more engrossing.

She frowned, crossing her own legs and hugging her arms to her chest. She let her eyes wander, and found them falling easily to the ocean. How could they not, it was everywhere.

It wasn't the gently, rolling blue it had been all week. Instead, frothy and spewing azure crashed into and against itself. A raging battle that the sky only encouraged, clouding over menacingly. Another storm on its way.

"Hey, Peridot?" It was gentler than expected, almost hesitant, and the blonde was returning a soft gaze that left her confused before she knew it.

"Yeah?" Something in the way her friend was looking at her had her stomach jumping.

Amethyst shook her head, holding out a now dark screened phone, and the blonde took it slowly, letting it fall to her lap. Amethyst's hand stayed outstretched, though, and it took Peridot a moment to realize what she wanted.

She slipped her fingers through the other girl's and let their hands fall together between them.

A beat of quiet. Then, "You really like her, don't you?"

No response.

"Yeah, well, she really likes you."

Peridot blinked. Shook her head. Let her eyes fall to the electronic in her possession. "And?"

The grip on her hand tightened. She was taken by surprise when Amethyst sniffled, gaped when she looked back up to see her friend blinking back tears. grinned at the open mouthed blonde.

"Don't ruin it. I know you, Per. I know how stupid you think." Another sniffle mingled with Peridot's indignant scoff. "Stop making yourself feel like shit."

The shorter girl frowned, hurriedly shifting closer and throwing her free arm around the mess that was becoming her friend. "Shut up," she mumbled quietly, not minding when a face buried against her shoulder, when she could feel the material dampening. "You're the one that feels like shit apparently."

A chuckle against her skin, reverberating and making her giggle despite the moment simply because it tickled. She let her cheek rest against the girl's crown. Her eyes drifted shut.

Until a fist connected with her stomach, and she was gasping and doubling over in both pain and surprise and Amethyst shot up, snickering and wiping at her eyes. Peridot let herself fall back into the sand, staring up at the smirking girl even as she tried and failed to breath evenly.

Even with still misty eyes and a smile that looked more like a grimace, Amethyst leaned over her. "Who's the dork now?"

And the blonde was left half laughing, half gasping as she watched the retreating figure. Payback was so in order.

But, it'd have to wait for right now.

* * *

There was something... exciting, about shopping for someone she barely knew. Well, maybe that wasn't completely true. Over the last couple of months she'd certainly gotten to know more about Lapis than she'd originally planned on. But still.

Peridot browsed a couple of necklaces, mostly cheap knockoffs that screamed last minute, before huffing and deciding perhaps jewelry was too much. And too cliché. And she didn't even know if Lapis was more a necklace or bracelet kinda girl. She herself didn't care for either, honestly.

Flowers. Cards. Assorted candies. She went up the isle and could've sworn she was looking for a Valentine's Day, or maybe even anniversary present instead of something small for Christmas. She'd go normal and get a game or something like she always did for Amethyst, or even some sort of food like for Jasper. But Lapis didn't like games. And it seemed... wrong?... to get her food. Too cheap a move. And it might come across bad.

The blonde groaned as she ran a hand through her hair, spiking it up further in her annoyance. What was she even doing, anyways? It wasn't like she had to do this.

Right?

A giant stuffed bear was always good. Couldn't go wrong there, yeah? Unless Lapis didn't like stuffed animals, in which case she'd only make herself out to be an idiot.

She liked the water. Maybe a pet fish or turtle or something. But if she didn't like animals... No, she liked Pumpkin. But Pumpkin was a cat. So, maybe she was a cat person? But cat's were really sort of out of Peridot's price range. And even then, there was no telling if Lapis would even be okay with the task of keeping an actual fur ball.

Well scrap that.

"Need any help?"

Peridot jumped as a voice cut through her inner debates, turned on her heel. She had to blink when a mountain of pink met her sights.

It was that girl from school. The one Pearl had always been so infatuated with. She looked older up close, with definite laugh lines and crinkles at the corners of her eyes. But those same eyes were alive in the best of ways, and her smile was so genuine. The nametag on her blue, employee vest read, "Rose."

Peridot cleared her throat, smiled lightly. "Um, yeah, actually. I... I'm looking for something. For a friend. But I don't really know what I'm doing."

The girl cocked her head, smile dipping away and being replaced by thought. Bangs of bubblegum pink swished out against her forehead as she looked up and away. "Hm. Tell me, what's this friend like?"

The blonde blinked. Furrowed her brow. "Oh, um... She's an outdoors person, I think. Loves the ocean and the beach. I think she likes animals, cats at least, and, um..." Peridot racked her brain. There had to be something, anything she could use. "She likes music. There's this one band, she has a bunch of posters for them."

Rose's smile returned, slowly. She crossed her arms as she rested back against a shelf. "Okay, hm. Maybe you could go classic, get her some sort of memorabilia to go along with an oceanic theme. Then there's always stuffed animals, most girls like those. Jewelry. I think we have a decent selection of posters in the back if you want to come with me, see if you see any she might like."

Peridot chewed on her lip as she listened, nodded when the offer arose. Maybe she'd find something that looked similar to the posters she'd seen in Lapis' room already. And maybe she actually would go with a stuffed animal. But, that was debatable.

"Okay," she mused aloud, pushing her glasses back up her nose where they'd started slipping. "Lead the way."

* * *

 **Additional A/N** : _I'm currently working on the next chapter, it'll probably be up by tomorrow. Sorry if this one seems short? Idrk. Next one's ended up a bit longer._

 _Anyways enjoy and see ya soon! -Sara_


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N:** _Hey guys! So we're over 20 chapters in, that's really awesome. Didn't think I'd make it this far haha. It's all thanks to you and your support, so BIG THANKS to everyone who's been here or is just now joining, really, it means a ton!_

 _Thought it'd be nice to have some cute fluff right now. So this chapter is pretty light hearted, pretty straight forward. I mean come on, it's supposed to be the holidays haha. Can't go breaking too many hearts just yet :P Enjoy, guys! -Sara_

* * *

It was cold out here. Not so cold as to be overly unpleasant, but enough so that she was tugging her jacket tighter around her. It would have to do for now. She couldn't go back inside.

Of course she'd walked in on her mother's ramblings, her fits. She'd seen the crying and the blubbering and even witnessed a vase being thrown against the far wall. But tonight's was worse. The house was just too quiet and her mother was too loud and everything seemed worse tenfold.

Lapis couldn't handle it.

It was sort of ironic. Seeing as to how it had to happen on Christmas Eve. And here she'd been foolish enough to actually hope that maybe, by some miracle above miracles, this year would be okay. Would be different.

She really was an idiot.

What was worse was the lack of snow. Sure she wasn't too big a fan, as it was literally just frozen water and everyone made way too big a deal out of it. But still, what was Christmas without something of the sort? It was depressing was what it was.

A walk, she figured. She needed to move, to get away. Into town, or maybe down around the beach. No, even though that was where she normally went it didn't sound that great. For some reason the thought of being all alone right now wasn't as pleasant as it should have been.

She started off slow. Down her street, up the next. Past the same convenient store she'd grown into habitually visiting. Past the pizza parlor. Up the street just across from the museum she'd given up working at.

She found herself on Peridot's street in about half an hour, but didn't go down.

Because she still remembered the first text she'd received from the blonde, after of course the initial 'who is this' and 'how did you get my number' texts.

Lapis wasn't stupid. She'd seen the way Peridot's mother had practically seethed at her. The way yellow had melted with loathing as she'd none too casually stared the girl down. And she'd heard the bitter rhetoric passing across the woman's tongue when she'd bid goodbye.

Peridot's mother hated her. And it was comical at best.

Still, parental approval had never really been a strong suite. And it hadn't stopped her yet...

She pulled out her phone, punched in a number she'd all but memorized at this point. Listening to the tone as it rang, unanswered, a good minute at least.

Then the click. And a wonderfully familiar, even higher pitched over the line voice. "Hello?"

"Hey, Peri. You up for a walk?"

The sounds of shuffling, muttering. "What's your problem? It's freezing outside and it's almost dinner time."

Lapis chuckled. "Come on, Per. I miss ya." She even threw in an unseen wink without much thought.

A grumble. "My mother would kill me." More shuffling.

Lapis sighed, shifting. "What the hell are you doing?"

Peridot paused. "What?"

A hand came up, running through Lapis' hair, smoothing it out where the wind caught at it. "What're you doing? Cause if it's nothing important, I'm waiting."

"Wait, what?" Lapis could hear the blonde closing a door or something, something that clicked. "Are you, like, outside or something?"

"End of the street. Can't chance your mother going bananas, now can we?"

A groan. "Dammit, Lazuli... Give me five. I'll meet you two houses down from mine. The one with the minivan in the driveway."

A grin split Lapis' face as she immediately began walking in the general direction. "Gotcha. Don't keep me waiting too long."

The only response she got was the click and dial tone as Peridot hung up on her. She couldn't be bothered to be too upset though.

It was more than five minutes later before, bundled in an oversized hoodie and sweats, Peridot came lightly jogging across a well manicured lawn. She squinted, looking around, not seeing any sign of the taller girl. Her hands rubbed up and down her arms, already cold, as she did a 180 before huffing.

"Lapis?! You out here?"

Said person snickered quietly, crouched down low behind an oversized tire. She could see the blonde's sneakers, crunching across the gravel as she reluctantly drew nearer to the vehicle. She saw the way Peridot turned, still obviously trying to find her.

"Come on, Lazuli. If this is some sorta joke, it's not funny. I swear I'll turn right back around and leave your ass to freeze out here." There wasn't any real threat to her tone, but it still made Lapis' smirk dip.

Plan B.

She stood from her crouch, slowly, only when those sneakers were no longer facing her. Rounding the car proved Peridot to be looking towards the backyard, maybe thinking Lapis had taken to hiding within the bushes. Lapis stood fully, held her breath. Wrapped an arm around Peridot's waist, a hand coming up to cover her mouth.

A yip came from the blonde, who struggled only until she was flush against Lapis, staring up awkwardly to catch sight of sparkling blue that screamed mischief. She audibly groaned, going limp in the taller girl's arms.

Lapis chuckled, leaning in to lightly kiss the back of the blonde's neck before letting her go. Not before feeling the way the girl stiffened, shuddered.

"Heya, Peri," she greeted, casually stuffing her hands in her back pockets and leaning away.

Peridot breathed in through her nose, clenching her hands subconsciously. Slowly, as if unsteady, she turned to look at the girl who had basically just assaulted her. Her eyes were far from livid though. Almost... dull. And instead of scowling, she was smiling. Small.

She cleared her throat. Hugged herself as the toe of her shoe kicked at the loose gravel. "What do you want, Lapis?"

The older girl cocked her head. Took a step back. "A walk. That's all." Even though her hands were shaking in their clothe prison. Aching to feel the warmth that had very briefly been hers.

The blonde rolled her eyes. Her smile turned more light, more real. She started walking down towards the sidewalk without bothering to ask if Lapis would follow. Of course she would.

* * *

"Couldn't stay still, huh?"

Lapis blinked. They'd been walking for nearly twenty minutes in commutable silence. Comfortable as it was, it seemed time to finally break it. "No, not really. Just needed to get out the house."

The blonde nodded, a step ahead. Somewhere along the way, their hands had met. Brushed, then locked. Now, Peridot squeezed their joined fingers gently, tugging Lapis, urging her to keep step and return to her companion's side.

"I get it. And it's not even so bad, once you get used to it." She was referring to the cold, and Lapis had to admit it wasn't completely wrong. Having gone numb was a tad different from adjusting, though.

Lapis bit at the inside of her cheek, chancing a glance over at the smaller girl. Peridot's eyes were honed in on the cracked sidewalk, trained in on something only she could apparently see. It didn't really bother Lapis. She knew the blonde was still listening to her. She kind of hoped she'd get to see those emerald eyes soon, though.

"So... What're you doing for Christmas?"

A shrug. "My mother doesn't care for it. So, most of the time I head over to Amethyst's. Everyone comes, and we all exchange gifts and stuff. And Amethyst's dad is a decent chef, so he normally makes a pretty awesome meal, and some of us stay over." A pause. "What about you?"

Lapis sighed, adding her own shrug to the mix. "Honestly? Nothing, probably. My mom is... under the weather. So I'll probably just spend the day in my room or something."

Peridot winced, finally looking up. Her eyes met Lapis', and it very nearly had her not thinking. But she managed, somehow. "Why don't you come with me? I'm sure the guys won't mind one more... They'd love it, actually," she added dryly, looking back down sheepishly.

The taller girl smiled gently, purposefully bumping shoulders with Peridot. "Only if you introduce me as your girlfriend," she teased.

The blonde scowled, throwing up a glare before shaking off Lapis' touch and quickly striding forth. "Forget it, then, you dork!"

Lapis snickered, feigning a hurt look as she quickened her own pace to keep up, holding her hand to her heart like it was hurt. "Oh Peri, how you wound me so." She sighed heavily in emphasis.

She could hear the blonde muttering something, couldn't quite make it out. Suddenly Peridot's hand was grabbing her wrist, and she was being tugged off the sidewalk in exchange for the soft shifting sand she hadn't even been aware they were even near, honestly.

"Hey, where are we going?" Lapis asked. She was pretty certain Peridot wouldn't throw her into the ocean, given how cold it was bound to be, but one never knew. The blonde was turning out to be quite full of surprises as of late.

She didn't receive an intelligible reply. More a grunt and quick look that didn't really give much away. So, she opted to just follow. She'd asked it of Peridot before, hadn't she? And she trusted the girl. Even if that wasn't such a totally great idea.

Over the shifting, disturbed sand. Down to an area where dunes began to rise and the water slipped further away. From here, you could see Funland and its docks in the near distance. Up above stood the restaurants, if you could call them that. It was a nice little place, just off to the side enough to be private without being completely out of it.

Peridot slowed, let go of the wrist she'd been clinging to. Now that Lapis really paid attention, her wrist was overly warm and clammy. Like the blonde's palms had been sweating. And Peridot wasn't looking directly at her, more to the side.

She was just about to comment when Peridot raised a hand, palm up. Offering. Lapis' brows furrowed.

This was... weird.

"I don't understand," she stated simply, still staring at the offered hand like it was something other worldly. It made the blonde frown, look as if she wanted to face palm. Instead, she just reached out and grabbed Lapis' hand, letting her fingers slide into the spaces found there.

They stood like that a long moment, unsure, looking between themselves at their joined hands. Not because it was new, but because it was fiercer than before. As if it held a greater purpose. Lapis felt her stomach twisting as she finally looked up and at Peridot's face.

The blonde was having a field day with her bottom lip. Nervously nipping, staring off at the frothing waves. A rather chilled breeze rushed past and made her shudder, hand subconsciously gripping tighter. Emerald burned with something unspoken. Something unable, perhaps, to be spoken.

And then Lapis was chuckling, rolling her eyes. Whatever this was, it needed to be lightened. She didn't like when Peridot got like this. All tense and uncomfortable. Especially now that they'd promised to give this, this not-really-a-relationship-but-sorta-one a try.

"Come on. It's probably more comfortable to sit." She did so as she spoke, still not letting Peridot go, letting their hands hang there together, keeping them in the same boat.

A pause. A grumble. The blonde sank to the sand not so eagerly, a gap being left between their bodies that could honestly fit another person. It was slowly but surely becoming the sort of uncomfortable that always caused Peridot to tense, that caused Lapis to go overboard in her teasing. Neither wanted that. Neither could stop it.

"So," Lapis began uneasily, free hand coming up to rub at the base of her neck, "what's your favorite holiday?"

The blonde blinked. Cocked her head. Her brows knitted together as she looked to the older girl like she'd just sprouted a second head. "Really?"

Lapis held up the free hand defensively. "What? It was a serious question to ease us up, you know? Now answer."

Peridot frowned, but looked down at her lap as she pulled her legs up. "Um... I don't know. I'm not really big on any holiday but if I had to choose, it'd have to be... Halloween."

It earned her a snicker, and she looked up, confused. "What?"

Lapis shrugged. "I don't know, I just didn't picture you as a Halloween person. Now that I think about it though... Yeah, okay, I can see that. What, do you dress as a bunny or something?"

That earned her a small smack to her upper arm, which she took good naturedly. "No, I don't. Besides, it's not the costumes that really matter." Peridot looked away sheepishly. "It's the candy."

Lapis outright laughed, covering her mouth with the back of her hand. "Oh god, you're such a kid, Peri!"

The blonde scoffed indignantly, running her fingers through the sand. "Like you'd turn down free candy."

Her partner shrugged, inching right to shorten the gap between them. "Never said that. I bet you can still totally pass as a kid though. No one would guess you were a teenager yet."

Emerald eyes whipped up, and for the first time in a while they showed real anger. "Is that supposed to be a take on my height?"

Lapis blinked, taken aback by the suddenness. "I... No, that wasn't what I meant." Her brows furrowed as Peridot looked away, too quickly. Her hand loosened, tried tugging free, but Lapis made a point of holding on. "Why are you so bent up over your height, anyways? Short is cute."

The blonde visibly winced, jaw tightening. She refused to look back up even as Lapis outright scooted over, closing the gap, bringing their knees close enough to brush.

"Come on, Per. You know I was only kidding. Don't shut me out now." It was as much a plea as it was a request.

A huff. A grumble. Peridot hugged herself as best she could with only one arm to do so. "Sorry," she muttered, clearing her throat. "That was really stupid."

Lapis tapped the girl's knee softly, playfully. "No it wasn't. You're okay."

The blonde still didn't look up, but she did tighten her grip on Lapis' hand. "I just... I have some sort of growth deficiency or something. I mean it won't kill me, but I'm just kind of stuck, you know? Been this short for a while."

Lapis leaned in, letting their shoulders touch. "And? Nothing wrong with that, is there?"

Emerald came back up. "You mean aside from the fact I'll probably never even be able to ride ninety percent of Funland's rides? Oh no, nothing." Even she couldn't help the small smirk that graced her features, though.

Lapis laughed lightly. "Most of them suck anyways, you're really not missing much, trust me."

They let the tension ease away, leaning against one another. The later it got, the colder the air, but even then neither seemed to want to leave. Even when Peridot took a moment to check the time, wincing at the realization her mother was bound to have noticed her absence by now. Hopefully she wouldn't be grounded for Christmas tomorrow, at least.

Another few minutes rolled by. Lapis started to get anxious. Her pocket was getting awfully heavy. She chanced a glance at the blonde by her side, flexed their joined fingers just enough to ward off the threat of numbness.

Maybe it was just one of those go for it things...

So she did.

"Um..." It was more a whisper than anything, coming out more cracked than planned. It wasn't aided by her growing nerves, and she very nearly jerked her hand back down into hiding as she watched the blonde's eyes flutter back open.

To stare at a rather small, rectangular box just in front of her face. She started, lifting her head free of Lapis' shoulder as her own hand came up. Her fingers at last slipped from the other girl's grasp, clutching the thin container lightly.

Her eyes looked up, meeting Lapis' with confusion. She was met with an uncertain smile and darting gaze. "Uh... Merry, um," she coughed uneasily, "Merry Christmas. In case, you know, I didn't see you or something..."

Peridot felt her heart in her stomach, a churning disaster that maybe wasn't as pleasant as it should have been. Something inside her really, really didn't want to open that box.

But another look up... How could she not? She'd never seen such apprehension in Lapis' eyes. Such unsureness lingering in the touch she was having trouble not supplying against Peridot's forearm. There was real fear there.

She steeled herself, emerald darting back down. Her fingers, she realized too late, were shaking, visibly so. The lid lifted easily, newly.

And she was staring at something so simple it shouldn't have taken her so long to find a breath. A thin, silver thing that glinted with the last of the sun, a dangling pendant of oceanic blue that caught the light and changed it into something more. Something whole and alive and exuberant.

She could only use the term 'speechless' to describe what was happening in that moment.

And Lapis, she was a jittery mess. The time she'd spent debating. Aching over if it was the right choice, over whether or not Peridot would like it. The hour before hand she'd spent internally arguing on when it would be appropriate to finally hand it over.

Even now she wasn't so sure the way Peridot was staring at it, lips slightly parted and brows furrowed, was good or not.

"Um... Peri?" she finally called out softly, nothing more than a whisper that got caught on a new breeze.

The blonde blinked. Looked up. Looked back down. Back up. She stared into Lapis' eyes for so long, Lapis wasn't completely sure where she was any longer.

And then, tentatively, as if dealing with a scared animal, Peridot raised her hand. So hesitantly, so uncertainly, so antagonizingly slowly. When her fingertips brushed across Lapis' cheek it was like electricity being hotwired through the nerve endings below her skin.

"Thank you," she breathed.

A smile tugged at Lapis' mouth. But she wasn't exactly sure she knew how to smile when Peridot was looking at her like that. And she wasn't sure how to breath when the blonde leaned in. And she wasn't sure what she had been so afraid of when their foreheads met and rested together and emerald disappeared beneath eyelids.

Her own eyes fluttered, and it didn't matter that a whimper rose in her throat. It didn't matter that the cold was now nipping at the tips of her ears.

All that mattered was the girl before her. The way her lips curved when she smiled. The way her eyes shone when she giggled. The way she made everything seem so much better.

"No, thank you," she breathed. And she was talking about so much more than the necklace.


	22. Chapter 22

_Peridot's PoV:_

"Please tell me there's no mistletoe this time," Peridot grumbled as she hesitated in the doorway, anxiously craning her neck to see above the entryway without coming through.

Amethyst rolled her eyes, leaning heavily against the wooden barrier she still held out, though cold air was steadily chilling her the longer they stood here. "Relax. That was supposed to be for Pearl since she's so edgy about 'PDA'. Wouldn't wanna kiss you anyways." She stuck out her tongue as the blonde threw a pointed look.

Deeming it safe enough to proceed, Peridot shuffled through, shoving a neatly wrapped, very thin rectangle into Amethyst's expectant hands. "Merry Christmas."

Her friend grinned, waving the box. "Oh please tell me it's what I think it is."

The blonde chuckled as she shrugged out her coat and kicked off her shoes, letting them fall wherever. She'd never do that at her home; everything had a place, not to mention the fit her mother would undoubtedly throw. But here, it was acceptable. At least, Amethyst said so.

She cocked a teasing smirk the girl's way. "And if it's not?"

All she received was a roll of eyes and a sore shoulder when Amethyst punched her none too gently. "Come on, Ruby and Sapphire are already here. And Steven hasn't stopped asking when you'd be over."

Peridot followed quickly, rounding the corner to find Ruby and Sapphire huddled up on the couch, whispering between themselves and not at all paying attention to the, what looked like, action movie playing onscreen.

"Jasper isn't here yet?"

Amethyst winced, frowned. She looked away before Peridot could ask what that reaction was about. "Uh, no. She actually has other plans this year, believe it or not. Said to tell everyone a Merry Christmas, though." The last bit was spoken a little louder, earning a thumbs up from Ruby who didn't even look back.

The sound of feet on the stairs had Peridot's attention before she could question further. After all, it was unlike Jasper to bail on them, even if she wasn't exactly liked by anyone aside from Peridot. But, as the blonde looked up, finding Steven bounding towards her, it was all too easy to let that slip her mind.

"Peridot!" the boy shouted, very nearly tackling the both of them to the ground in his eagerness to wrap her in a hug. The hastily, messily wrapped box he'd been toting dug a sharp edge into her lower back, but she only winced and returned the gesture.

"Hey Steven!" She pulled back only enough to ruffle his dark hair, and enough to escape the jagged pressure of the unknown object. "It's been a while."

"You never visit anymore!" he blamed, smile dipping down into the briefest of frowns. Before it quickly turned a one eighty and jumped back into a childish grin. "Merry Christmas!"

As if realizing for the first time that he was even holding the small box, he backed up and held it out for her to take. She did, carefully, eyeing it. Her lips lost some of their upward turn.

"Oh, Steven, I didn't..." She bit her lip, bringing her free hand up to rub at her neck. "I mean..."

"Look what she got us!" Amethyst elbowed in, waving the game she'd, at some point, fully unwrapped. "You just loved the first one." She threw a small smile to Peridot, winking when the younger boy's mouth gaped.

"Yes..." he whispered, gripping the case like it was glass. His eyes darted up to Peridot, a glint in them. "This. Is. Awesome!"

The blonde exhaled, a weight lifting from her shoulders as she watched Steven turn on his heel and practically race back upstairs. She still felt slightly guilty that she'd forgotten about him this year. It really hadn't been intentional, but with everything that was happening, it had just slipped her mind. She offered Amethyst a heavy sigh.

"Thanks. I completely forgot... Wait, doesn't that have an M rating?" Her eyes shot up towards the stairs.

Her friend laughed quietly, slapping a hand against her upper arm, making her yip. "Relax. Unlike you, he's not boxed in. If it was anything too bad, I'd monitor or whatever. Let the kid have a little fun, yeah?"

Peridot wavered, finally settling with a small nod. "Yeah... Okay."

"So where's Lapis?" Ruby finally addressed her, standing from the couch and stretching. She was dressed in the stupidest looking sweater Peridot thought she'd ever seen. Red with a Christmas tree in the center.

The blonde rolled her eyes, huffing. "Her house, probably. Scared away by your tasteless fashion sense."

Sapphire giggled quietly as Ruby's eyes narrowed. She looked aside and crossed her arms defensively. "Shutup, okay? My mom made me wear it..."

"And you look beautiful in it," Sapphire murmured, reaching out to tug the sweater's hem. Of course that received a face splitting grin from her girlfriend.

Amethyst feigned gagging, covering her eyes. "God, you two are the worst." She parted her fingers and turned to eye Peridot through them. "Come on, open the gift, nerd. Everyone else has already."

Peridot started, having forgotten the box altogether. "Oh, right." She turned it in her hands to find the paper's seams, picking at the tape there gently. It made Amethyst groan, annoyed at the slow progress, but she couldn't be bothered by it.

Peeling back the two layers, because Steven had insisted he had to wrap it overtop Amethyst's wrapping, Peridot simply stared at the bare, white box. It wasn't a packaging box, that was for sure.

Playfully, she held it up. "Oh great, thanks for that. I really needed a box." The glare she got from Amethyst was worth it.

"Open the box, you dimwit."

Huffing, she let the paper fall to the floor and turned the box over, pulling up it's lid carefully. Only to stare at the small, oddly shaped... key?

"What?" she questioned quietly, letting a single fingertip run across it. It was smooth, a deep teal in color, and roughly the length of her thumb. There was no telling what it was for, or even if it was for something.

Amethyst smirked, crossed her arms. She threw a look over to Ruby and Sapphire, who nodded and reached in front of the couch, where they pulled up another, much larger box, grunting as they hefted in to sit, with help to keep it propped right, along the back of the sofa.

Peridot furrowed her brow. She took the key thing and let the box fall onto the wrapping paper, listened to the way it crinkled a moment before walking over to her other friends and the mystery gift. She could feel them all watching her, almost with bated breath, as she opened the container.

To come across a sphere. That was certain to reach her knees at least and looked like it weighed way too much. It was a sea foam blue with deep set emerald rings around the middle. A small slit just to the side looked like the key thing would fit perfectly.

"What... is this?" she asked. She didn't mean it to sound so rejecting, but she honestly had no idea. It was really weird, and she didn't know whether she should be grateful or if they were just waiting for the right moment to bust into laughter.

Amethyst huffed impatiently again and motioned for Ruby and Sapphire to sit the box back down, which they did against the coach's cushions. She then reached in, muttering something about how someone named Connie could've made it lighter, as she hefted it up and out the box to set on the floor just between the sofa and glass movie case.

"Kay, so, as far as I know, you just insert that thingy here," she muttered, holding the sphere in place and eyeing the slit.

Peridot's eyes narrowed as she squatted down in front of Amethyst and the... thing. "Okay, but what is it?"

Her friend scoffed like it should've been the most obvious thing in the world. "It's a robot, duh."

That gave the blonde pause. Sure she loved electronics. Computer, video games, robotics. But this, this was strange. And she'd never seen anything like this sold before. And no one she knew had the experience or expertise to make something like this. If it even worked.

"Where did you get it?"

"The moon," Amethyst shot out, rolling her eyes. "Does it matter? You like this junk, right?" She waited for the blonde's nod of confirmation. "Right. So just, you know, do with it whatever it's supposed to do."

Peridot eyed her a moment. Then rolled her own eyes and reached out, slipping the key thing into what she assumed was it's intended slot. "Do you have a manual or anything? I can probably figure out how to work it on my own but it'd be easier..." Her voice faltered and slipped away as the sphere glowed dully, hummed.

Then slots were opening up on one side and levitating metal limbs were coming out and the whole thing was twisting between Amethyst's arms and they were all staring as another larger piece seemed to just slip into itself to reveal a small circle that looked a lot like an eye.

Peridot gaped. This was... amazing! And... confusing. And she couldn't even fathom how much this could've possibly cost and now that stupid game seemed cheap and...

And she was beaming, giggling like a child as the sphere creature thrummed and turned to look at her or whatever it was doing and her eyes couldn't believe what they were seeing.

"How the hell..." She shook her head. She didn't care. Whatever she was gonna ask left her mind as she reached out and ran her fingers over the smooth, cool metal. A panel seemed to materialize out of nothing, small buttons she could only assume were a way to control this thing.

She looked up to Amethyst, who had backed away. She was smirking and eyeing the blonde gently, arms crossed. She had a smug glint in her eyes that screamed 'knew you'd love it' and Peridot couldn't even be bothered to care.

"I... Thank you," she breathed, mind suddenly reeling with everything she could do. What could she learn from this thing? Were there certain modes, and what tasks did it do, and what did the circuit board look like, and what sort of power source...

Amethyst snickered, shrugging. "Merry Christmas, P-dot."

Peridot smiled, genuinely smiled. "Best Christmas ever."

* * *

 _Lapis' PoV:_

Her fingers ran over the shirt constantly, unable to let it go. The material was soft and, at this point, warm and she absolutely loved the design. A band tee, an old band she didn't think even had merchandise anymore.

A pang of guilt swept through her as she eyed the rest of the gifts. All laid out meticulously along the kitchen table. The shirt, a couple of posters she had yet to unravel. Even the adorable top hatted green alien she was so certain had been laying on Peridot's bed the one time she'd visited.

She really, really wanted to see Peridot. But at the same time, something inside hurt at that thought. She hadn't even had the guts to send a thank you text or call. It didn't matter that the basket that'd been sitting on the doorstep didn't have a card or anything with a name. Who else would've done this?

It was eerily silent in here. As if she were alone. But Lapis knew that wasn't true. Her mother was a floor above her, still in bed. Still laying there like any other morning, any other noon. Unaware or uncaring that today was anything special.

Cerulean eyes fell on the painting sitting propped up across from her. An abstract painting, what had been her mother's favorite type. She hadn't seen it yet. Lapis wasn't sure she'd even want it when she did see it. She hadn't cared about things like that in years anyways.

Lapis groaned, letting her head fall back, caught only by the back of the chair. Her fingers still felt at the shirt's material, though. That was important. Her eyelids fluttered, she let her body relax from its state of tenseness. A state she couldn't fully escape, because that something that wouldn't let her even text Peridot kept telling her she couldn't do anything today.

She couldn't give that painting to her mother, above all else. Not when her mother sure as hell didn't have anything for her. Not even a look. That's all Lapis wanted, when she thought about it. Just the knowledge that her mother had acknowledged her for once.

Lapis swallowed uneasily, sniffled and cursed as she realized pinpricks were attacking her eyes, making them well up. God, she needed to get out, get away. But hadn't she promised last night to stay here? To try?

Was it even worth it anymore?

"Well fuck me," Lapis growled, pressing the palm of her free hand harshly against her eye socket and rubbing roughly. She wouldn't cry. And she'd give the painting to her mother. And after that, she'd text Peridot and tell her thanks. Tell her she was thinking about her.

She was moving before her mind could let her take those thoughts away, leaving the shirt, though she winced as she did, in exchange for the painting. It was hefty and solid and the frame was something wooden and firm. She held it as tightly as she dared to her chest as she trudged through the house and upstairs.

Her room, bathroom, guest room. Mother's room. She paused and stared at the offending wooden door. Stared as if, somehow, she could burn through it and end its existence. Her hands were shaking, she realized distastefully, as she reached out and took the handle.

It wasn't locked. It was never locked. It was like her mother knew she didn't need a lock to keep everyone out. Just that far away look to her eyes and the sag of her shoulders was enough.

Her mother was a bundle of shaking, quietly whimpering body, twisted sheets, and drowning dark. The curtains hadn't been opened, the nightstand held an open bottle of anti-depressants and a half filled glass of water. Everything else, though, was spotless. Lack of use.

Here, Lapis hesitated. Because here, she could see what she was really doing. What was really happening. Her mother wouldn't notice her, or at least she wouldn't show she noticed her. Lapis could throw the painting, scream obscenities, smash a few things. All that would happen would be her mother's covers would get tighter as they were drawn further around a sobbing body, and Lapis would be left alone, raw throat and pouring eyes and this sickening sense that everything was useless. Just like last time.

But this wasn't last time.

Lapis steeled herself, straightened her back and drew in as deep a breath as she could manage. The door clicked into place behind her.

A heartbeat of silence, where her mother didn't move or sniffle and she held that breath and everything seemed to still.

And then, "Mom?"

No reply, and though it ached inside Lapis shook her head and inched forward, until she was no more than a foot from the bed. Her throat was already scratchy as she tried clearing it.

"Mom... I just... I thought... I got you something." She hesitated, tensed and ended the gap, sitting as gently as she could at the edge of the bed. She let the painting slide to the foot of it, facing up. "It's a painting. I don't... know who it's by, but..."

She let out a shaky laugh that nearly broke. "Mom, I..." She bit her lip, winced. "Do you remember last Christmas? I do. And... I just wanted to say sorry. For everything. Not... not just that, but... I haven't been around much." She exhaled, and it caught and made her sob quietly. "I just... I tried, mom. I tried, and..." Her hands came up, shaking and tugging at her hair uselessly.

"I think we need help, mom. Not... not just you. I can't... I have these moments, mom... But there's this girl... She makes them better, sometimes. She makes it less scary and..." Lapis blinked, lowering her palms so they ground into her eyes again, stemming the flow of tears. "Anyways... so... yeah, I guess. If, if you feel like coming downstairs or... I'll be here all day, okay?"

The lack of an answer was enough for the room to suddenly seem too small. Too cramped. She couldn't breath in here.

She listened for only a second longer to the sniffling, whimpering, huddled figure before she was tripping over her feet to get out. It made her stomach wrench with something painful and guilty but she couldn't help it.

She only relaxed when the shut door was at her back and the hall was greeting her again. She only breathed when a moment of quiet had passed and she realized that she wasn't trapped. Not in the physical sense.

Her head fell back, making a dull thudding sound against the wood. Her eyelids fluttered as she exhaled, not caring about the tears staining her cheeks. "Merry Christmas, mom."

* * *

 **A/N:** _Hey guys. So sorry about that downhill slide there heh. Things'll pick back up next chapter though, promise._

 _Nothing really to say here. Next chapter should be up shortly, if things go according to plan (fingers crossed). So yeah, really hope you guys enjoy! Thanks everyone! -Sera_


	23. Chapter 23

The first thought she managed as she sucked in a lungful of the, not surprisingly, crisp salty air was, _she's wearing the shirt_. And she wasn't particularly sure if the pang she felt come to life with that thought was a good or bad one, but she was certain it meant something regardless. It meant she definitely cared what Lapis thought, at least, which should come as no big whoop. But somehow, it still did.

And she realized she cared what Lapis thought of her. A lot.

Peridot managed to crack a smile even though her chest hurt from the long, tedious, upward hike she'd had to endure to get here. But seeing Lapis grin back and motion for her to come over through the now overhanging dark was worth it. Knowing her mother would murder her if she ever found out she was out this late was also worth it, for some reason or another.

She trudged slowly and purposefully closer, eyes lingering over Lapis only a moment before darting out to the lights. A town that never slept. Beautiful from here, and she wondered why, why hadn't she ever been here before? She wondered if it would still hold this type of beauty without Lapis.

And that was the thing.

Since Christmas eve she couldn't stop thinking about the girl. Couldn't close her eyes for a second without remembering, oh, she just happened to have memorized every inch of Lapis' face. And then the thought would smack her that wow, Lapis was so beautiful, but she really shouldn't think like that because damn it, she didn't need this. She didn't need to be more confused than her already overactive mind made her. She shouldn't be more breathless than her, albeit rare, clumsiness caused from time to time.

But then she'd get a text, like the one she'd received late Christmas afternoon. One that really held nothing other than a word or two but felt like everything.

And it scared her. Because where the necklace hung loosely around her throat, out of site beneath her shirt and hoodie, at times it felt as jagged as a vice grip. Burning. Searing. Aching. Because Lapis had touched this and Lapis had given her this and Lapis and-

She sat down. Breathlessly, knees suddenly shaky, and her body became too aware of how close Lapis was. How their knees almost brushed, and their hands fell seemingly accustomed between themselves, fingers slipping against one another effortlessly. How the pit of her stomach was a hollow thing because the nerves had left her unable to eat tonight.

How much longer till midnight? How much longer until the start of the new year?

She couldn't bring herself to check her phone because to do so would limit their time. But at that exact same time she couldn't bring herself to not want to check that stupid thing because, god, how much longer could she hold herself together like this? And couldn't Lapis feel what was going on, couldn't she sense it?

Apparently not, because when Peridot gathered enough courage to look up and over, Lapis was already looking at her. Warmly, affectionately. With something dancing in her eyes even through the dark that looked so much like mirth and rang out so loud in the quiet.

It dawned on Peridot that they hadn't even spoken, yet. Her eyes flickered down and she furrowed her brow because the tee shirt was too loose. Baggy. She hadn't known what size to get so she'd guessed and she found she was mad at herself that she hadn't known. As if she should have.

"What size do you wear?" she blurted before her brain could reign in the thought, and suddenly she was dumbstruck because Christ couldn't she even think before opening her mouth?

Lapis' smile faltered, brows furrowing. The dark covered the way her neck suddenly felt warm. "Uh... what?"

Peridot floundered a second, looking lost and unsure, before her head fell and she coughed awkwardly, rubbing her free hand along the back of her heated neck. "I just... The shirt," she mumbled.

Lapis silently 'oh'ed and chuckled, squeezing the hand in her own gently. As if to say it's okay without the words. "Medium. I can fit into a small but it can be tight depending." She looked down at her own self. "But no worries. Large works, too. More comfy this way anyways."

For some reason, the way she said it didn't bring reassurance, but another wave of self doubt. Peridot was practically drowning in it by now.

And somehow Lapis could sense that. The hand squeezing hers lightened, then tugged away, and Peridot blinked and looked back up, sucking in a shaky bout of air as she felt the taller girl lean against her. Into her. Offering her nothing more than an awkward but assured smile and gentle brush of lips against cheek.

Peridot couldn't move. Couldn't speak. She breathed in and found her head swimming as her senses became hyper aware of the scent of something vanilla and something spicy. A dangerous mixture that threatened all too calmly to bite her.

And then the feeling of warmth against her cheek was gone and with its departure came a neverending chill that replaced everything in her being. She was nothing more than the unsteady intake of night air and searching, soulful eyes that betrayed every single thought flitting through her mind.

And Lapis could see into her. The ghost of a touch slowly followed the arch of her collarbone, pushing away the material of her clothing for all of the night to witness. But it wasn't forceful and it wasn't possessive and Peridot knew she could end that touch at any moment if she wanted.

She didn't want to.

Her breathing quickened and her chest felt weighed down and her tongue darted out to moisten her lips because she was certain. She was certain that this time, Lapis would do it. She was certain and scared but she was ready.

But Lapis didn't kiss her.

Instead, that touch vanished, and Lapis straightened, and Peridot breathed through her nose and found the vanilla fainter. She wanted it back. That thought alone was enough to suddenly not mind the thought that she would surely trip if she bolted back down the hill right now.

They sat in quiet then. Not silence, because Peridot couldn't fully get her breathing under control. And Lapis was shaking. Visibly shaking and running her fingers through the grass to bunch between fists. Peridot watched and surrendered to the thought that she wished Lapis would do that to her shirt, or her hair. Surrendered, because it was a bad thought she couldn't outright reject, knowing if she asked it Lapis would probably do it.

It didn't dawn on her how much time had passed until Lapis finally shook her head, reaching to the side and feeling along the grass. Her hand found something, pulled it into her lap, and the sudden onslaught of light was too much as her phone screen lit up. Peridot winced back and Lapis smirked despite everything.

11:56

They had four minutes until the new year. Peridot clenched her jaw. Reached out, when Lapis dropped the phone, to grab her now free hand gently. Lapis looked up, surprised, but didn't deny her the chance to intertwine their digits again. They sat and looked to one another. Looked until Lapis broke and looked away and returned her eyes to the still burning town below them.

11:57

Peridot could feel her heart, still beating stupidly against the inside of her ribs. She couldn't look away from Lapis. Her eyes had long since grown accustomed to the dark and she could see the way muscles in Lapis' neck moved beneath skin as she swallowed. The way a light, cold breeze swayed her hair and nearly left it over her eyes. The way her lips pursed as she felt emerald eyes trained on her.

11:58

Something inside Peridot was jumping. A lot of somethings were jumping, actually. She wasn't sure what to focus on and she wasn't sure why her palms felt so moist because, really, that rarely happened and when it did it was before a massive test or group project only she had worked on and hoped not to get called out for. She could almost here Amethyst's conniving tone wriggling into her ears.

11:59

She could do this. She knew she could. She wasn't a wimp. She knew what this feeling was. It was what every romance had ever mentioned. What all those romantic comedies and tragedies led up to. It was what she'd wanted since the start of high school. Since all her friends had seemingly breezed through with their new found, love bitten relationships. She'd pictured this moment being with someone else, certainly. But she couldn't deny what it was just because it was Lapis.

Or maybe that's exactly why she wanted it so badly.

The clock struck 12:00. They knew because down below, even from here, you could see how the town glowed with new life. You could almost hear the way people cheered.

And Lapis raised her free hand, smiling despite the chills she was getting when Peridot looked at her like that. She raised her hand and pumped it through the air, letting out a breathy, "woo," quietly.

Before fingertips were dancing along her jaw.

Peridot traced the edge of her jaw. It was strong and real and warm and she almost lost her nerve. But then Lapis' head was turning toward her and she was steeling herself. It never really worked, not when Lapis looked at her with oceanic eyes ironically aflame.

Peridot's breath caught. Her grip waned.

Lapis grabbed her wrist lightly. Her eyes spoke silently. Telling her it was okay. Telling her she didn't need to be afraid. And maybe she didn't need to be. But she knew it was okay to be. And maybe that was enough.

She placed her other hand against Lapis' cheek. Cupped the warmth and the liveliness that dwelled beneath the girl's flesh. Felt, really felt, how soft and how wonderful she was.

Peridot swallowed. She leaned in before she could take it back.

Lapis had imagined this moment countless times. It was nothing and everything like all those times at once.

She smelled like fresh linen. Like cheap cologne and mixed hairspray and a dozen other things Lapis couldn't begin to name. She felt pliant and gentle and fragile. She tasted... God, she tasted like green apple lip balm and something minty that had to be toothpaste.

She expected Peridot to be careful, like she was stepping on glass. She expected the moment to be short and sweet and maybe slightly uncomfortable those first few seconds after. She expected to have to take the lead, maybe lowering a hand to the back of the girl's neck. Move her own mouth to comply with the way Peridot's was bound to be trembling.

She didn't expect the sudden rush. The feeling of need, of Peridot's fingers slipping past her face to her hair. Of the tug and the groan that came from her own throat, that broke through her own defenses. She didn't expect to suddenly feel so vulnerable, unnervingly so, as if it was her being kissed for the first time. As if it were her that was being taught through inexperience.

Lapis went to pull back because the tumble in her stomach was too much and she felt light headed and she needed to breath in something other than the overwhelming scent of Peridot. A scent that had her reeling and drowning.

But Peridot's mouth followed her. Peridot's fingers gripped more surer, firmer, and the thought that Peridot was searching for something hit Lapis. She let her mouth be claimed again even as that realization settled.

She wasn't sure what the blonde could be looking for. Wasn't sure she had whatever it was, or could even offer it if she did have it. But it didn't matter. Because she was basking in that taste again and she couldn't imagine how she'd spent so long without it. Couldn't imagine how this feeling of being bare could be anything but good when Peridot was being so light and so delicate.

The churning in her stomach wasn't something she could overlook, but she didn't let it push away the blossoming of something more in her chest. Her heart felt like it was going to stop from overexertion, it was beating so fast and so hard, but she couldn't find it in her to care.

And then Peridot's mouth was gone, and now it was her that was trying to follow and-

And Lapis realized that there was something new she was tasting. And it wasn't sweet. It was salty and wet and she pulled away because she knew that taste too well and she was gripping Peridot's face wordlessly. Staring into eyes that were so dark and so deep it was unreal.

They stared without sound. Without question, Lapis wiped a thumb across Peridot's cheek. She couldn't see them, but she felt the tears. And she didn't know why they were there or how long they'd been there, but she wanted them gone. She licked her lips subconsciously, still tasting them even over the green apple.

Peridot's fingers slid from her hair. Traced an imaginary line down her jaw, her neck. Down to the hollow where her collarbones met and the shirt dipped low enough to allow access. Her eyes followed the movement. She hesitated there, and her voice was raw and breathless when she spoke.

"I don't know what I'm doing."

It hurt. God, it hurt to hear how broken that sounded and Lapis wasn't sure she'd ever recover. She cupped Peridot's cheeks firmer, trying gently to make her look back up. But Peridot wouldn't, and she let her breath leave her in a sigh.

"Do you wanna go home?"

Dark emerald shot up, wide and... scared. "No," she breathed.

And Lapis gasped lightly as arms wrapped around her neck, pulling her in, a face burying against her shoulder. She stayed still, letting Peridot get as comfortable as she could in this quite awkward, half lean position, before she loosely settled her arms around the girl's waist. Breathing her in for the millionth time. Silently concluding that she'd never tire of it.

Peridot was silent for what seemed like hours, and the breeze kicked up again and Lapis couldn't help but shiver because she didn't have a coat. And the blonde felt it and seemed to press more surer against the taller girl.

Finally, in a quiet voice that sounded more drained than hurt at this point, Peridot whispered, "My mom told me not to see you anymore."

Lapis paused. Moving, breathing. She furrowed her brow. Her tongue felt heavy as she whisper asked, "And are you gonna listen to her?"

The hold around her shoulders Peridot had procured strengthened, Peridot's lips found a home at the base of her neck where throat met shoulder. It made Lapis' breath hitch ever so slightly.

She didn't need an answer after that.


	24. Chapter 24

School came back around too fast. That was a shared upon realization that had all of the high schoolers dragging their feet and mumbling about winter break "never being long enough" or how plans hadn't quite worked out. Peridot fully acknowledged and indulged in said practice as well, all too efficient at annoying the hell out of Amethyst and Jasper alike about how they should just be seniors already.

Lapis, however... If she was upset about class being back in full bloom, she was a master at disguising her disliking of it. In fact, if Peridot was going completely insane - which was a very real possibility - she'd have sworn Lapis was glad to be back.

And that upbeat nature wasn't deterred, it seemed, even when lunch came around. Peridot found herself crammed between Lapis - pressed into her, really, to avoid what was happening just to her left - and an overly handsy, back together since immediately following Christmas, Amethyst and Pearl. Directly across from them sat Ruby and Sapphire, who were lost in their own world for the time being.

Peridot tried to eat, she really did. But every time she brought a fork or her water bottle up, someone moved and caught her in said motion which eventually had her scowling and considering just up and leaving. Not before saying a few choice words, of course.

She got it. She really did. Amethyst was an ecstatic ball of pent up glee at having her lover back, and since Pearl didn't seem nearly as uptight as normal about PDA, she was taking full advantage of it. But seriously.

Couldn't they sit at a different table or something for that?

She sighed and dropped her hands into her lap, chancing a glance at the clock that hung just above the cafeteria entrance. Damn. They still had just shy of fifteen minutes before the start of fifth period.

Lapis' elbow knocked her own, but this time she felt the genuine intent and looked up. Her eyes met gentle, rolling blue, and Lapis cocked her head to the side, indicating the barely ghosted over salad Peridot had been trying to nibble on.

"Not hungry?" she mouthed, and the smaller girl shook her head in response. It was easier to lie than complain, especially since -again - Lapis was in such a decent mood. She really didn't want to be the reason the older girl went back to her little bubble of undiagnosed depression.

But then Lapis was frowning that signature frown that had her forehead creasing and her lower lip becoming something of a pout. And before Peridot could refuse, a grape was being pressed against her lips.

She gasped, caught off guard, and the motion left just enough room for Lapis to slip the small fruit into her mouth, fingertips brushing against her lips before pulling back almost as suddenly.

Peridot just stared. And felt her entire upper body burn in the most unpleasant of ways that had her skin itching as it deepened in shade. She had to jerk her gaze to the side, focusing on a single tile beneath a nearby table, before she could start chewing slowly, purposefully. She wanted to reach up and run her own finger over her lips, if only to confirm it was real, but the feeling of those never-ending eyes following her every motion made it too embarrassing and too uncomfortable.

What made it worse was the very sudden and unexplainable way Lapis touched her thigh beneath the table, just out of sight. She nearly bit her tongue and choked at the very same time, saved only by the dull "Oof" she managed as her body harshly jerked forward, stomach colliding with the table's edge.

Lapis' hand retracted immediately, and both Ruby and Sapphire looked up at the sound as if Peridot had just thrown herself from a window.

"Uh... You okay there, Peridot?" Ruby questioned, and though an amused smile tugged at her lips she still managed to come off as concerned.

Peridot could only nod, face so hot she was certain she could replace the sun for a day. Lapis' hand returned, but only to rub a strange shape against her back as if in reassurance. Poor reassurance, but reassurance none the less.

Of course Amethyst had to pipe up, probably completely oblivious to whatever Peridot had actually done but having to say something. Her lips broke away from the already bruised nape between shoulder and neck across Pearl's pale skin long enough to murmur, "Let Lapis kiss it better," before returning.

Peridot barely caught her tongue before several snappy retorts managed to break free.

Lapis, however, simply snorted in amusement and took said advise. She leaned down without warning and pressed a chaste kiss to the outer shell of Peridot's right ear, smirking when the younger girl physically tensed and slammed her forehead down onto the table, by some miracle missing her tray by a centimeter. Ruby didn't even try to control the burst of laughter that bubbled up. Sapphire remained silent, but Peridot could feel the smirk.

 _Kill me now_ , she mused silently.

But even she couldn't help the tiny smile that threatened to appear across her features.

* * *

She had approximately ten minutes to relax before her mother called her down for piano recital. Ten minutes before she accepted the fact that no matter how hard she tried, she just wasn't good enough. She called Lapis during that ten minutes, if only to not be alone.

The phone rang once, thrice, a total of six times before Lapis answered. But even then, she could barely hear the girl.

"Hello?" Lapis questioned, and in the immediate background alone Peridot could easily make out two... no, three different retro game music tracks. More muffled but still there was the drone of shrill, childlike voices and the occasional ding of something electronic.

Peridot furrowed her brow. "Hey. Where are you?"

She made out something along the lines of 'work' before Peridot guessed the phone was tugged away and Lapis took a second to yell something out that didn't resemble any sort of English Peridot had ever heard before.

"What?" she questioned, sitting up straighter atop her sheets and switching the cellphone from her left to right ear. Not that it made things any easier.

Lapis could be heard muttering something before the loudest metal door in history slammed open then closed and the fading music and noise became just that, faded. An after thought.

"Okay, sorry, I wasn't expecting you to call," Lapis explained. "I said I'm at work. I got a part time job at Smiley's."

"But I thought you were working at The Big Donut."

"I am."

The blonde's mouth floundered a moment as her mind caught up. "Wait, so, you have two jobs? Why?"

She could just picture the way Lapis did that whole nonchalant shrug as if everything was crystal clear. "Why not? Got to have something to do. Plus, I'm saving, you know that."

Peridot frowned and switched ears again. "That doesn't mean working yourself to death. Doesn't The Big Donut already take up all your time? And what about school?"

"Relax. I've got it under control. I work here on Tuesdays and Saturdays, there on Mondays and Thursdays, and the rest of the week is mine."

The blonde's frown deepened. "But I though Saturdays were sort of like... You know... Our days."

A pause, a heartbeat long enough for regret to blossom in the pit of Peridot's stomach. She was being needy, she told herself. Better stop that right in it's tracks before it even began.

A sigh. "Peri, I've got it. My hours aren't that long so we can still hang out in the afternoons." The hint of a smile laced into her next words. "Especially if you're willing to sneak and be out past bedtime."

The younger girl scoffed indignantly. "I don't have a bedtime!"

"Mhm, sure," came the immediate, unconvincing reply. It sounded like Lapis was walking further from the dock; Peridot could no longer make out anything that even remotely sounded like an arcade. "So? You willing to be a badass, or is your conscience too pure for that?"

Peridot rolled her eyes and leaned back on her free hand, looking up at the bare ceiling. "I'm ninety percent sure I've already been a quote unquote badass for you. This. Us. Is it okay to even call it that?"

She heard a snicker through the speaker and silently scolded the wall for her own, too unsure self. But she was being partially serious. It was still an adjustment, the thought that there was an "us" happening in the weirdness of their interactions.

"Yes, us," Lapis clarified, and the way she spoke it so certainly had a strange but nice thrill running down Peridot's spine. "And I agree. You have been bold. Wanna try bolder?"

A thin eyebrow shot up, the playful tone to Lapis' voice causing her to smile despite herself. "How?"

Lapis hummed into the phone and for a moment Peridot just listened to the sound and closed her eyes, relaxing a bit at the familiarity and the odd way Lapis somehow calmed her without either trying nor even realizing that's what was needed.

Until she spoke again. And then Peridot's face was burning and she was quietly calling Lapis a bunch of unkind things in her embarrassment. "For starters... What're you wearing, baby?

Lapis laughed outright and Peridot nearly did too even in her surprised and slightly baffled state. Until her name was being called, from downstairs. Which meant her ten minutes of freedom was up and she had a reality she hated to step back into.

"I gotta go," she murmured, slipping from her bed and making her way to the door. She stopped with her hand on the door handle.

"Aw," Lapis huffed, and Peridot could hear the actual disappointment there even as she joked, "Already? Am I that bad at sexy talk?"

The blonde chuckled quietly and shook her head. "Yes, you are. But seriously. Maybe we can grab something to eat later? I'll be done with practice in an hour. When do you get off?"

"Normally three times a week."

It took a moment, but the joke clicked. Only after Lapis had started snickering like a fifth grader, though. Peridot scoffed and snapped out, "Oh ha ha. So mature," even as her neck warmed in embarrassment.

She could once more picture Lapis shrugging, grin firmly in place and eyes twinkling mischievously. "I'll text you when, okay? It'll probably be later, though, so you might have to pick something up and meet me somewhere."

Peridot nodded, heard her mother shout her name again. "Okay, sounds good. See ya soon."

"Bye."

Peridot smiled gently, easing the door open. "Bye to you, too."

* * *

 _Hey guys! So yay, finally back. Sorry this one is both a bit shorter and maybe slightly different in it's tone. Maybe the more upbeat atmosphere will be good for our poor Lapidot ship._

 _Two things. One, I'm sorry in advance if there's more errors than normal. I'm typing on my phone and don't have as much time as I'd like so plenty of mistakes are bound to pop up. And two, even though I am back I can't promise consistent posts. Really bad at that._

 _Thank everyone who's stuck around/ just found this, it means so much that you guys are supporting me even now!_

 _Well... I think that's it guys. See ya in the next update! - **LL**_


	25. Chapter 25

"Hey, mom," she murmured quietly, running a brush ever gently through the tangled heap of brunette that swamped the older woman's pillow. Once beautiful hair. Now...

Lapis swallowed uneasily, letting out a shaky sigh and smiling weakly, though it was for her alone. Not like her mother seemed to even acknowledge she was there.

"So... You, um.. remember that girl? The one I... She's good for me. I know that. She... I'm a different person around her, mom. I think that's.. good."

No response, but that was okay. Maybe. The glass atop the woman's nightstand was empty, meaning she wasn't dehydrating at least. Almost nothing was touched from the dinner plate Lapis had set out, but she was keeping an eye on her mother's weight. She'd lost a bit, but not enough to be worrisome yet. Yet.

The brush caught, and Lapis winced at the pained intake her mother took. "S-sorry. Sorry," she muttered, easing her fingers through to somewhat help. The only response came in the form of a quiet sniffle, her mother's head lulling forward, as if she was trying to curl in on herself.

Maybe she was. Lapis knew that feeling, wanting to disappear into one's self. She hadn't succeeded yet, though.

The younger girl sighed again, letting the brush fall to the mattress and sitting straight.

"Mom. I..." She paused, her words laced with a heavy undertone of shame, of guilt. "I don't know what to do, mom. Peri, she.. doesn't get it. Not yet. I've tried bringing it up but... How do you tell someone that? I wish... Would you even help me, mom? I don't... I don't know anymore..."

Silence was her only was okay.

She was getting used to disappointment.

* * *

There were more wires than she knew what to do with. They were everywhere, too; her bed, the floor, running over the only chair she kept in her room. And it was only _one_ of these that was faulty. Which one, though?...

Peridot huffed and crossed her legs, wiping the back of her wrist across her forehead. Her nose scrunched in contemplation, eyes narrowing as she followed the elaborate pattern she'd created back to its source. The robot.. thing. Its spherical body lay sideways, two panels popped free and its intricate workings spilling out.

Why did these things have to be so complicated?

From her back pocket came a low buzzing, where at the same time Pumpkin decided to make his grand entrance by pushing the door she'd left cracked open all the way in, eyeing the wires that looked so much like string. Peridot frowned, reaching round and snatching her phone. She simultaneously mouthed one word, "Don't" to her cat, as if he understood.

She was ninety percent sure he definitely did.

Her screen lit up, vibrating in her hand. The name, "Steven" lit up across the top, and Peri had a moment to grin/grimace, equally caught between gratefulness at being given a break and annoyed at being interrupted. She was swiping to answer regardless.

"Hey, Steven," she muttered, pushing her glasses back up her nose from where they'd begun to slide.

"Peridot!" came the overexcited, joyful voice of the kid, a slight pitch higher over the line than in person.

The blonde grinned in spite of herself. "What is it, Steven?"

The kid took a pause, and Peridot could just make out him saying something muffled to someone. Then, "My dad is taking us to Empire City this weekend! Do you wanna come? Pearl already agreed."

Peridot hummed as if in thought, wincing inwards. Geez. Even without Pearl, that place was too much. Too loud, too bright, too showy. With Pearl... Ew.

"I.. don't think so, Steven."

"Aw!" There was genuine disappointment in the poor guy's voice, and Peridot felt a pang of guilt. "Really? That sucks. Why not?"

"I kind of already had plans this weekend, Steven. I'm really sorry."

Technically, it wasn't a complete lie. Her mother had already mentioned something about a recital dinner, and where she loathed the very idea, it was inevitable she'd end up going. Saying no to her mother was a death sentence in itself. Not that she'd ever had the spine to commit such an act.

At least, not openly.

The blonde thought you caught the end of a sigh, but then Steven sounded completely genuine as he said, "That's okay. Maybe next time. And if you change your mind, you have a few days! So, yeah. Will you come by to see us off at least? Please?"

Peridot smiled lightly, before she heard an all too familiar hiss and looked up in time to see Pumpkin grappling with a wire, swiping and nipping at it as he rolled on his back. As if he were a kitten again.

"I promise. But I gotta go now, okay? Pumpkin is making a mess."

Steven giggled over the line. "Say hi to him for me!" he answered before cutting the connection.

Peridot let her phone drop and got to her knees, crawling over to the cat. She took on a stern expression as she leaned over him and untangled the paw he was swatting, wire wrapped around it loosely.

"Oh, stop that! This is really important, Pumpkin!" she chastised the animal. As if he could understand it.

The cat cocked his head, rolling over onto his haunches and staring up at the blonde as she hastily gathered up what cords were in reach and shuffles forward to place them atop the bed, not bothered that they bunched and tangled and created a massive mess she'd just have to sort out some other time. She turned her gaze back on him, then, and he let out a pathetic meow as she scowled.

"Don't you talk back to me. What have I told you about messing with my things? I wasn't the one who lost all their toys."

Pumpkin stood, stretched, blinked up at her. He meowed again and Peridot couldn't help the small smile that pulled at her mouth. She reached out a hand and scratched behind his ear affectionately. "Oh, alright. I'll buy you a bell or something. But in the mean time, don't mess with the wires, okay?"

She huffed and stood, stretched her arms above her head to loosen the bunched muscles between her shoulder blades. It was only then she realized just how tense she'd become from sitting for so very long.

The clock showed it to be close to four, almost time for practice. And she was supposed to meet up with Jasper after that for some art exhibit the girl was part of or something. It wouldn't hurt to go ahead and eat, let her mom know she wouldn't be in for dinner. Hopefully it wouldn't cause a scene.

She started out the room, turned just as she stepped past the door frame. Peridot pointed a finger purposefully at the tabby sitting, watching her. "I'll be back. Don't touch anything." She started to turn before looking back one last time. "Oh. And Steven says hi."

Pumpkin only blinked at her, so she turned and headed for the stairs.

* * *

She nearly pitched forward when Jasper slapped a hand on her back, gave a sheepish grin to the lady that looked over the seat at the rambunctious laughter Jasper seemed unable to keep at bay. An eye roll, the lady turning back. Peridot groaned and slunk lower in her seat, trying to hide her burning face.

"Jasper," she tried quietly, clearing her throat when her friend didn't respond. "Jasper!" she tried again, a bit more insistently.

The older girl looked her way, mouth twisted up in a wide grin as her laughter dissolved into simply chortling. "What?"

Peridot shifted uncomfortably and looked around, catching more than one angry glare turned their way. She really couldn't sink any lower in her seat, though, without being in the floor. And that wasn't happening. Not here. Movie theater floors were so gross.

"Maybe you should tone it down?" she offered, smiling weakly as if to say she wasn't trying to insult the girl, just looking to give some friendly advise. Jasper grunted her disapproval.

"What, I'm not allowed to laugh, now? You can leave anytime you want, pipsqueak."

Peridot groaned. "No, I didn't mean-"

"Hah! Just teasing ya, 'Dot."

The younger girl ground her teeth, nostrils flaring as she sat up a bit straighter. "Do _not_ call me that. You, you, dork."

Jasper laughed aloud again. The woman sitting in front of them audibly cursed and stood, making her way down the isle to more than likely sit elsewhere. That was it. Jasper has officially run everyone off. At least, from their immediate proximity.

"Great comeback, tiny. What, you only have one term for the things that annoy you?"

The blonde crossed her arms, turning her gaze back to the screen. "Well, I could've coined you 'bitch'. I'm pretty sure you're used to that one though, right?"

Jasper snickered, her elbow rammed into Peridot's ribs. The smaller girl gasped, pain and surprise shooting through her and causing the breath to leave her. She doubled over, wincing and clutched her side like she'd been shot. Jasper.. wasn't exactly gentle. In anything.

"Like you can talk."

It took a moment to speak, mainly because it took a moment to gain her composure again, but Peridot eventually muttered, "What's that supposed to mean?"

Before Jasper could respond, however, Peridot's phone rang. Or, vibrated, but either way Peridot held her hand up right before Jasper could start dissing her. She fished her phone out her hoodie pocket, only groaning when she saw the name.

"What?"

Emerald eyes rolled and Peridot made to stand. "My mom. Be back in a sec." She started up the isle, heading for the entrance, as she answered.

"Hello?"

"Peridot, where are you?"

The door clicked shut behind her, and the only other person in this area was the guy - she was pretty sure went to her high school - stocking candy behind the counter.

"The movie theater, mother. The art exhibition ended early and Jasper invited me to see something."

"And you failed to inform me?"

Peridot winced at the bitter tone and turned away from the guy, who she knew was listening even though he wasn't looking at her. "I'm sorry, mother. I just, I-I forgot an-"

"Enough," came the clipped response, and Peridot physically flinched. "You have thirty minutes to get home. After that, you're grounded."

Peridot's eyes widened. "B-but Mother-"

"That is all, Peridot." The line clicked, went dead, and Peridot was left listening to the dull hum as she stared at the far wall, making shapes with the raised bumps without really meaning to.

She lowered the phone. Her jaw clenched without conscious decision to do so and she very briefly entertained the idea of throwing the stupid device against said far wall.

But, with a pitiful sigh, she pocketed her phone and headed back into the theater, praying Jasper would drive her. She could probably make it across town in half an hour, but her mother had a very short temper. Better to get home early than come in at the last minute and expect the best.


	26. Chapter 26

Peridot hummed quietly as she reached across the way to snatch the pencil from Ruby's desk as the girl animatedly talked to another classmate. She hadn't finished her homework from the night before and still had the last few equations to solve before the bell rang to signal the start of class; she began writing, knowing full well that the entire time that the boy that sat next to her was glancing over and messily copying what he could catch off her paper. She didn't mind. It had become a fairly common practice and so long as he didn't try it on tests, she wasn't calling him out for it.

She had gotten through question seventeen when her phone buzzed in her hoodie pocket. She let the pencil fall from her grip and reached in, swiping across her screen to bring the message up. It was from Steven, a picture of him and Amethyst in front of some sort of fancy water fountain with stupidly giant grins plastered on their faces. It made the corners of Peri's own mouth twitch up.

They still weren't back from Empire City. Wouldn't be, until Wednesday. Peridot had to admit that considering Amethyst was the one person she spent ninety percent of her time with, it was sort of lonely without her. And she still had two days to go.

"Hey!" Ruby spoke up suddenly, sounding indignant. Peridot's eyes jumped up and she found her friend glaring at her. "That was my pencil." She even went so far as to reach over to snatch it back but Peridot beat her to it and yanked it to the side.

She smirked. "No idea what you're talking about. This one is mine. Maybe you lost yours."

"Oh, so funny, Per. Come on, give it back. It's the only one I have at this point."

Peridot furrowed her brow at that. "What? But you had, like, a giant bag filled with pens and pencils a week ago."

Ruby huffed and halfway stood from her seat, making another swipe at the writing implement. "Yeah, a week ago. Now it's just the one. Please, Peridot?"

The blonde rolled her eyes but relented with a heavy, exaggerated sigh. "Alright, alright," she muttered as she handed it over. "You're pretty useless, you know that?"

Her friend grinned a toothy sort of gesture and slipped the pencil down the rings of her notebook's spine. "I know. But you still love me."

Peridot opened her mouth, snippy comment on the edge of her tongue, but the bell blaring overhead beat her to it. So she simply shook her head and reached for her own book bag to dig around and try to find one of the many pencils that got lost within its depths. Had to be one in there somewhere.

She unzipped the largest pocket and started rummaging around, until her fingers hit a piece of folded up paper in front of her binder. That was odd. Where she wasn't known for her organization skills, she didn't normally just stuff papers into her bag. They went in a folder, or binder, or in between the pages of a textbook. So, out of curiosity, she grabbed it and pulled it free.

It took a moment to unfold, during which time the door to the classroom swung open and her math teacher came in, not even making it to his own desk before calling for the homework to be turned in. Peridot wasn't too upset hers wasn't completely finished; she let Ruby take it up for her when the girl stood to take her own up.

The paper was written on in sloppy, loopy letters, taking up only one line. Not her own. They looked... like Lapis' honestly. But Peridot's brow furrowed because why would Lapis slip a sheet of paper in her things like an elementary schooler when she could just text or wait until break to talk? Intrigue won out, and Peridot began to read.

 _How do you feel about dancing? Yay or nay?_

That... wasn't what Peridot had been expecting at all. She very nearly snorted in amusement, folding the paper back up and tucking it in the front pocket of her jeans. Looked like they had something to talk about when lunch rolled around.

* * *

"Did you hear about the talent show?"

Lapis looked up from her kiwi to watch as Sapphire slipped into the seat across from her, Ruby beside her already and popping open a can of Sprite. The blonde shook her head, snagging the apple from her girlfriend's lunch bag. "No. When is it?"

"About a month from now. Right before Valentine's Day."

"Are you interested in participating?"

"Oh, definitely not. Nothing talented about me." Ruby laughed before taking a sip of her drink but Lapis caught the way Sapphire's lips twitched down. "I was actually thinking you should join, Sapphy."

A pregnant pause as the words sank in and the cafeteria's buzz of activity settled around them. Then the blonde was staring at the girl beside her like she'd out of the blue sprouted another head. "What?"

Ruby seemed unfazed. She picked up her fork and jabbed at the container of spaghetti she'd set out. "You should sign up. I mean, you've got the voice of an angel, Sapphire. And with those songs you write, you could totally have the entire school on its feet."

Sapphire swallowed thickly and shook her head, twisting the stem from her otherwise untouched fruit. "I don't think so, Ruby."

Peridot arrived at that moment, dropping her textbook in the seat next to her as she settled into the vacant space next to Lapis. "Hey, guys," she greeted, setting down her bag at her feet and pulling in close to the table.

Ruby set down her fork and looked directly at the girl. "Per. Help me here. Shouldn't Sapphire sign up for the talent show next month?"

Lapis couldn't help the small smile that ghosted her lips when Peridot blinked confusedly. She reached out and brushed her fingertips across her girlfriend's hand. Girlfriend. Even after nearly two weeks the term was still somehow strange. But in a really, really good way.

"I uh, I mean that's sort of Sapphire's decision, isn't it?" When Ruby frowned tightly Peridot rushed on. "I-I mean, you have a beautiful voice. What I've heard, anyhow. But I understand if you're uncomfortable getting up in front of a crowd or something like that."

Sapphire nodded, looked to Ruby. "Ruby, love, thank you. But I don't want to join."

The younger girl scowled, looked down at her tray a long moment. Peridot turned her hand so Lapis' fingers were tracing her palm before slipping into the spaces between her own. She squeezed gently and met Lapis' eyes briefly, but both their attentions were drawn back to the other couple when Ruby suddenly slapped her open palm down on the table top.

"I got it! What if I perform with you?" The very genuine glint in her dark eyes was childlike in its wonder and offering as she eagerly awaited Sapphire's decision.

The blonde looked utterly astonished. "With me?" she managed after a moment's hesitation. She looked unsure and Ruby reached up to tuck a strand of loose hair back behind her ear.

"Yeah! I mean, we've sung together before. And I know I'm not as good but we sound okay together. And it'll be better than getting up on the stage alone, yeah? I'll be right there with you. You won't have to be alone." There was something pleading about the way her voice wavered in its hopefulness.

Sapphire looked between her girlfriend's eyes. Brought her lip in to nip at it as she considered. Finally, the tiniest of smiles graced her features. "Okay. But only if you're sure about it."

Ruby pumped her fist in exaggerated confirmation, a stupid grin along her lips. "Absolutely! We can sing something you wrote, or a duet. Ooh, should it be romantic? Or maybe I can rap..."

As the two began their quiet planning for the time being, Peridot turned to Lapis and reached across with her free hand, taking a small slice of orange. "You always have all this healthy stuff for lunch," she commented absentmindedly.

Lapis smiled, shrugged. "Yeah, well, this figure doesn't just come naturally," she murmured playfully.

Peridot snickered and bit into the fruit, chewing a moment before speaking again. "So, I found the note you left like a seven year old."

Lapis only grinned wider, ignoring the jab. "And?"

Their eyes met a moment, and emerald rolled as she squeezed the girl's hand again. "A very solid, unchangeable nay."

Lapis laughed quietly, shrugged. "That sucks. But maybe I can teach you."

Peridot's eyes shot up. "What part of unchangeable don't you understand?"

A finger came up to boop against her nose teasingly as blue eyes narrowed. "Ah, but you haven't even let me try, dear Peridot. I'll have you know that I am _very_ persistent. Trust me. You'll be the best dancer in Beach City when I'm done with you."

When she laughed, it was quiet and covered by her hand, but Lapis caught how Peridot's nose scrunched up. She smiled in turn, waiting patiently for the girl's response. She was a little surprised by it when it did come, though. "I offer a counter proposition."

"Oh?" Thin eyebrows shot down in confusion. She picked at the few orange slices she still had remaining.

The shorter girl grinned wickedly, rested her chin on her palm as she set her elbow on the table. " We enter this talent show together. I play piano, you dance." The serious edge in her eyes made it clear she wasn't joking, but the teasing, challenging look across her features made it obvious she also didn't expect Lapis to agree.

That just made the older girl more willing to take up the ridiculous offer. "Alright," she mused quietly, letting her own lips quirk up into a smirk. "But I wanna make it even more interesting."

Now it was Peridot's turn to furrow her brows in confusion. "Interesting?"

Her girlfriend leaned in close, swiped a stray strand of blonde from her forehead and back behind her ear. The sudden proximity made the breath catch in Peridot's throat. What made it worse were those ever glowing, endless eyes.

"I propose," she began, "that if we manage to get third place or higher in this thing, then I take you out."

Peridot couldn't help the small snort she didn't manage to cover. "Like a date? So what, are we gonna break up if we lose so you never have to go out with me again?"

The taller girl leaned even close, her breath against Peridot's ear as she mumbled, "No. I meant an entire weekend, Peri." A shudder ran through the blonde's spine. "Out of Beach City. Just us."

Peridot's mouth suddenly felt so much drier. But her eyes widened and she pulled back, embarrassed exasperation coloring her cheeks. "W-we couldn't do that. My mother would throw a fit, Lapis."

That devilish smirk grew. "That's what makes it interesting. Come on. Won't you come with me, Peri?"

The blonde looked between her girlfriend's eyes. Saw amusement and teasing and warmth, but underneath it all a sense of almost needing. Almost pleading. She swallowed and it left her throat just as dry as her mouth. But, she couldn't find it in herself to decline. Not this time.

She nodded once. "Okay."

What were the chances of them winning this thing, anyways?


	27. Chapter 27

She shook her head as she stepped through the doorway, water droplets being flung every which way. Lapis snorted and pushed her gently, making her stumble slightly. "Hey, watch it!" the taller girl muttered. "You'll get water everywhere."

Peridot grinned wickedly, fumbled for a moment as she wriggled out of her boots and left them by the entryway, then fell against her girlfriend in a fit of giggles. Lapis yelped indignantly, twisting to escape the arms that wrapped round her waist and pulled her into a soaking embrace. But her laughter got the better of her and she leaned against the smaller girl, ruffling her hair affectionately.

"Dummy," she muttered quietly, and emerald eyes shot up to narrow playfully.

"Dork," came the response, muffled by how the lower half of Peridot's face was still pressed into her shoulder.

Lapis smiled and leaned in, placing a chaste kiss against the blonde's forehead before stepping back, removing the arms from around her gently. "Great," she teasingly huffed as she looked down at herself. "Now I'm a mess. Thanks, Peri."

The girl smirked. "Anytime, Lazuli."

She shrugged out of her raincoat, turning to hook it onto the otherwise bare coat hanger. A small shudder couldn't be held back when the air hit her skin - it was colder in here than she was expecting. Maybe they didn't have the heat turned up or something.

"So, what's on the agenda today," Lapis asked as she walked away, going to the couch to pick up the abandoned remote and mute the tv. She'd been watching some teen drama before Peridot showed up, and the exaggerated acting was becoming more annoying than anything else.

The blonde shrugged, rubbed at her arms. "You said you had an essay for English. I figured we could work on that a while. But I have to be back home before dinner because my mother is having a guest over."

"Oh?" Lapis fell onto the couch, patted the space beside her. "Anyone you know?"

Peridot shook her head as she sat, leaning back into the cushions. "No. Some colleague at work or something, I don't know. But I have to be there regardless. Appearances, or whatever."

Her girlfriend hummed her understanding as she flipped through the channels, not really paying attention to what was on the screen. "That sucks. Can you maybe get out of it? I can fix something for dinner here."

Another shake of the head. "No, sorry." But then there was that smirk again. "Besides, I don't want to die of food poisoning, thanks." The only response she got was a gentle whack against her upper arm, and she snickered quietly.

"Ha ha, so funny. Seriously though. I don't wanna work on some essay if you've only got a couple hours, then."

Peridot nodded, rolled her shoulders and moved so her shoulder brushed Lapis'. "Okay. Then what do we do? If it was sunny, I'd suggest a walk on the boardwalk or something."

Lapis chuckled. "Aw, Peridot. You're such a romantic."

The blonde scoffed. "I said, 'or something'."

Lapis glanced over, switching the remote from her left to right hand. "Oh? And what would that 'something' be?" She rested her now free hand on the smaller girl's thigh, lightly raked along the still damp jean material with her nails. She felt Peridot shudder against her before the blonde's hand jerked out to stop her own.

"N-not what I meant, Lapis."

She chuckled again, let the remote fall from her grip onto the cushion beside her and reached over, wrapping her hand around Peridot's wrist. "And why not?" She emphasized her words by leaning in, letting her nose brush against the girl's cheek. It was warm and soft and she breathed in and caught the scent of coconut and something sweeter and rain.

Peridot's eyelids fluttered. She breathed out unevenly and shook her head, pulling back. When her eyes flickered up, they met Lapis'. Endless as always, endearing. The breath didn't seem to want to come back.

Lapis leaned in further, grip along Peridot's wrist tightening only slightly. Her nose brushed against the blonde's, and she watched as those emerald eyes disappeared behind closing eyelids, heard the tiny, nearly nonexistent stitch her inhale got stuck on. Lapis' tongue subconsciously darted out to flick over her bottom lip.

She went to close the distance, slowly, deliberately. Her own eyes fluttered shut and she could feel the warmth of Peridot's skin as she moved in. Until a hand was pressing against her chest, halting her process. The warmth disappeared, and Lapis' eyes opened almost immediately.

Only to find a flush-faced, beautiful Peridot with head turned, looking off somewhere behind her shoulder. Lapis took a moment to swallow the nervousness that had manifested itself in the hollow of her throat before following that gaze, towards the foot of the stairs. She didn't see anything out of place, though.

"What is it?"

Peridot turned back slightly, only partially, and dropped her gaze immediately when she met Lapis'. "I... N-nothing. I just thought I heard something."

Lapis cocked her head. Listened a moment. She didn't hear anything. "Mm. Maybe you did. This house creaks all the time. Really old, I guess."

Emerald eyes snapped up to hers. "That's what they say in horror movies when it turns out the place is haunted."

The older girl couldn't help laughing quietly, letting go of Peridot's wrist to flick playfully at her nose. "What a dork."

"H-hey! That's my word!"

"Then maybe you shouldn't be it so spectacularly and I wouldn't have to refer to you as such!"

* * *

"So, I've been thinking."

"Oh boy. That's scary."

"H-hey! You're a bitch, Lazuli."

She chuckled, shrugging her shoulders as she leaned back from her desk. "And yet you put up with me."

Peridot frowned slightly, dropped the pen in her hand and looked up from her paper. "But I'm serious. Just, can we talk a minute?"

That made the smile across Lapis' face falter. She did her best to cover it up by turning back to the essay she'd been talked into working on, however. "Ouch. Nothing good ever came after a phrase like that."

The blonde huffed and pushed the homework from her lap, stretched her legs out to fall over the side of the bed. "It's nothing bad," she started.

"Oh joy."

"Lapis."

That got the older girl's attention. She sighed but dropped her pencil, turning in her chair to look at her girlfriend. "Yes, Peridot?"

The blonde raised a hand to run through her disheveled hair. Ever since it had dried it had become a mess, but Lapis thought it looked more cute than unruly. "You know how you've met my mom?"

Lapis cocked her head. "Yeah. She hates me."

"Well, sort of," Peridot muttered. "But, you've met her."

"Yes. And? Are you going to now introduce me to your long lost father?"

Peridot winced. "N-no. I can't. I don't have any idea where he's buried."

Lapis paused. "Oh." She looked down at her hands. "Shit, I'm sorry, Per."

The blonde shrugged, ran her fingers through her hair again anxiously. "Don't worry about it. That's not what I wanted to talk about, anyway."

Lapis looked up tentatively, debated only a moment whether or not to join Peridot on the bed before standing and doing so. The second she sat down, her girlfriend was resting her head on her shoulder, hand finding her own and fingers linking. "Alright, I'm listening," she murmured. "What is it, Peri?"

But Peridot went silent a long moment. She fidgeted and her fingers twitched against Lapis'. It took a full minute of quiet before she built up the courage to speak. "I just... I was wondering when I can meet _your_ mom."

The silence deepened. Next to her, Peridot felt the sudden rigidness of Lapis' body. Her grip slackened somewhat but the rest of her seemed to tense, as if her muscles were coiling in preparation of having to break away. It felt as if she suddenly didn't feel safe sitting alongside the smaller girl.

"I don't-... That's not a good idea, Peri." Her voice was... off. Cold, almost. Unsure.

The blonde's frown deepened. "But, I mean, she's here, isn't she? Like a room away?"

"Yes, but-"

"Then why can't I?" When Lapis didn't answer and the quiet drew out, Peridot huffed. She bumped her shoulder against the other girl's gently. "What, is she sick or something?" It was a joke. She swore it was a joke.

But Lapis was off the bed in a second. Her hand ripped from Peridot's, body tightening and tensing and shaking, if the blonde dared to look closer. It was terrifying in the worse of ways, even more so when cerulean turned to her, and eyes had never mirrored stone so perfectly. Emotionless and hard and threatening.

"My mother is **not** sick," Lapis spat, as if the mere words were poison along her tongue. Her hands clenched by her sides and Peridot unconsciously winced back.

It took a moment to find her voice. "I didn't... I mean..." She couldn't understand what she had said _wrong_. This was way too intense a reaction for something as trivial as what she'd summed the whole thing up to be. What was going on?

Lapis looked away. Her jaw clenched and she stepped back, bumping into her desk but either not realizing or not caring. She shook her head and scoffed, at what, Peridot wasn't sure.

When she finally spoke, it was quiet but hard. Edged. "I think you should go, Peridot."

Emerald widened. Something in Peridot's stomach dropped. "W-what? But I-"

"You'll be late for dinner," Lapis continued, crossing her arms what appeared to be defensively around herself. She still didn't meet the smaller girl's gaze. "Wouldn't want you to get in trouble or anything."

Peridot swallowed, looked down. She wasn't sure what to say and so just nodded. She didn't know how to argue when it was so obvious she'd overstepped this boundary she wasn't even aware existed.

Lapis cleared her throat, blinked, looked to the door to her room. "See you at school, then."

Peridot again didn't speak. Simply stood, on legs that felt too weak, and shuffled out the room. Lapis waited until the last creak of the stairs to shut her door. Then she just stood there a long moment longer until she heard the slam of the front door.

Then, she turned to her desk, to the wall. And threw her fist at it as hard as she could, not caring when something snapped and the pain was blinding and her cheeks were wet with something she didn't want to admit might just be tears.

A room away, she thought she heard her mother. Thought, because she was sobbing so loudly by that point that it was probably just her imagination playing tricks on her. Taunting her for being too weak and too clueless.

Not that it could make the self hate any worse. She'd become pretty proficient at that herself.


	28. Chapter 28

"So, who's ass do I need to kick?"

Peridot looked up from her picked at sandwich, catching Amethyst's eye. She blinked, the stupor she'd let herself fall into flaking away as she then looked around the table and found all eyes on her. That wasn't super uncomfortable or anything.

She shrugged her shoulders, let her elbow rest beside her tray. "It's nothing. I just didn't get enough sleep last night," she mumbled.

She heard a scoff before her friend was closing the space between them, hip bumping into her own and arm coming up to wrap around her shoulders. She wanted to push it off but bit the inside of her cheek and didn't. She wasn't in the mood for an entire interrogation today.

"Was it Lapis? That why she isn't here today?"

The blonde jerked her eyes up, glaring at her friend through narrowed eyes. "No. Look, I just want to curl up somewhere and die. Peacefully."

Amethyst stuck out her tongue like a child but let her arm fall back to her side, scooting away. "Fine, fine." Then, not a moment later, "So it was your mom, this time?"

Peridot's groan was only covered up by the smacking sound her head against the tabletop made.

"Come on, let up," Ruby finally butted in, throwing a wadded up napkin Amethyst's way. The girl only laughed and flipped her off, so she continued. "How would you feel if we got all up in your business?"

"Like you don't already! You can't sit here all innocent like and tell me with a straight face that Ms Psychic over there doesn't share her other worldly knowledge with you every time she catches dirt on one of us."

Sapphire looked up, and it was almost uncomfortable when a smirk blossomed across her face. "That depends, Amethyst. Should I tell them about who you met on your vacation? Maybe the fact that that person's number is now in your contacts?..."

The smile along Amethyst's face faltered. But then she was scoffing and throwing the same wadded up napkin towards the bleach blonde, which Ruby blocked what seemed too easily. "I call B.S., Sapphire. You know that was for Steven 'cause he was too chicken to ask for her number."

Peridot glanced up, furrowed her brow. "Woah, what? Since when has Steven been too scared to do anything?"

"Since he got old enough to like girls." Amethyst snickered. "You shoulda seen him. He got all flustered. Started stuttering like a loony."

The blonde rolled her eyes, reached over to push the girl lightly. "Mhm. And so we're supposed to forget that you did the exact same thing when you first met Pearl."

Ruby nearly choked on her water as she laughed. "Oh man, I remember that. You were a total sleaze, Ames. Couldn't even look at her without saying something stupid. Well, stupider than normal."

Amethyst scoffed, turned to face Peridot with arms crossed. "Well what about you, Ms Perfect? At least I didn't stab myself with a pen watching Lapis walk across the freaking classroom."

Emerald eyes narrowed. "That was a one time thing. And I wasn't watching her!"

"Oh ho, coulda fooled me."

"Shut up! You punched a jock for looking at Pearl!"

"That was justified, he was totally talking smack to his friends about her! You fell down the stares trying to pick Lapis' textbook up!"

"You literally tripped me, that one is so on you!"

"Guys!" Ruby called, smacking her hand down across the tabletop. Both sets of eyes turned to her, simultaneously asking, "What?!"

The girl looked between each of them, then smirked, then busted out laughing. "You should see the look on your faces," she cackled, leaning back in her seat.

Peridot grumbled something incoherent as Amethyst took the hint and laughed as well, pushed from the table and stood sharply. All eyes fell back on her and she raised a hand to run through her hair, looking away, towards the doors. "Look, I... have homework to finish. I'mma head to class early."

She bent to grab her bag as Sapphire spoke again, catching her attention. "Ruby and I were going to the Big Donut after school. Would you like to join us, Peridot?"

She paused, looked across the way to the two. "Wouldn't I be intruding?"

Ruby quickly shook her head. "Nah, it's cool. And it'll be on me."

Amethyst perked up at that. "Dude, can I come, then? I never say no to free food."

Sapphire nodded, then looked back to the other blonde. "Will you?"

Peridot threw the strap over her shoulder, shrugging it into place. "Yeah, okay. I'll meet you outside the band room and we can head from there."

She didn't wait for a response before turning and walking away.

* * *

She had one foot out the door before turning back, leaning against the door frame and watching as Lapis finished wiping down the counter with a dry paper towel. "You sure you're okay with me leaving? I can call the gang back and tell them I can't make it."

"No, don't worry about it," Lapis mumbled, looking up from her task. "I can hold down the fort a while. What with all these lovely customers, though, I just might work myself to death." She motioned to the otherwise empty shop and both girls shared a quiet laugh before Sadie huffed.

She shoved her hands into her pockets and shrugged, looking out the door and down towards the beach. It was a colder afternoon, but she could still see a few people playing in the water and enjoying the sand. "Tell me about it." She tapped her foot, turned back. "Well, if you need anything you know my number. And even though he'll grumble and complain, I'm sure Lars would be willing to take over if you need him to."

Lapis nodded, threw the balled up paper towel into the trashcan beneath the counter. "Yeah, okay. Now go, have fun."

The blonde wrinkled her nose. "Oh yeah. Oodles of fun. I just love when my mom comes to our rehearsals."

"At least you know she cares."

"Yeah. Maybe too much." She shrugged again then stood straight, rolling her shoulders. "Well, I guess I'll see you later, Lapis."

"In a while, crocodile," she mused, resting her chin in her hand as she settled her elbow along the counter. She watched as the blonde gave a wry smile, finally ducked out. The door swung shut behind her and Lapis was left alone, quiet and bored.

She hummed under her breath as she pulled out her pocket and turned it on, looked up at the clock on the far wall to see if the time set on it was correct. It wasn't.

For a full minute she scrolled through her Facebook before deciding that was awful. But when she clicked back to her home screen, her finger hovered over the shortcut to her contacts list. Peridot hadn't texted her, or called, in a full day. Where a part of her was glad she didn't have to explain what had happened last night, she also felt guilty. She wanted to text her, truly she did. But if Peridot had wanted to talk then surely she would have done something about it by now.

Lapis bit at the inside of her cheek and cut her phone back off, shoving it in her back pocket and standing straight, breathing out in a huff and running her fingers through her hair. She shuffled in place, considered maybe turning on a playlist and listening to that until someone showed up. But she really wasn't in the mood for music, either. To be completely honest, she kind of wasn't in the mood for work.

But Sadie had asked. And she couldn't bail on the girl now.

With a low groan she ran her hands over her face and leaned back against the counter.

Only to be startled upright by the front door being forcefully pushed in, loud, boisterous voices filling the once quiet. She turned to see who it was, and her blood ran cold.

It was Peridot's friends. Ruby and - gosh, what was the other girl's name? - and Amethyst. And...

Lapis had to swallow something bitter when Peridot followed them all in, grumbling something she couldn't make out and angrily pulling her lime green jacket, which Lapis was pretty sure was new, as she hadn't seen it, closer to her body.

"Dude, you can't seriously believe that!" Amethyst was arguing, and Peridot opened her mouth as if to respond but the second her eyes landed on Lapis anything she had been preparing to say died along her tongue.

Their eyes met. All other eyes landed on her. Lapis felt like her entire body itched.

"Lapis! Well I'll be damned!" Amethyst burst out, grinning as she passed the couple and came up to the front counter, leaning against it heavily. "What, you work here now?"

It took every ounce of self will she possessed to rip her eyes away from the floundering blonde and look to the girl in front of her. Her mouth felt weird and uncooperative as she struggled for an answer. "I uh, y-yeah. Yes, I do. I-I mean I... Today was supposed to be my off day but Sadie needed me so... Yeah." She wanted to smack herself in the face.

Amethyst chuckled. "That's pretty awesome, congrats on the job. That means you can give us discounts then, right?"

Lapis blinked. Furrowed her brow. "I never-"

"Don't worry about it," Ruby stated, stepping up next to her friend and slapping down a handful of bills. "Not like you're paying anyways, you bum." She playfully elbowed the girl and they shared a laugh even as Amethyst sprouted out something about how she would normally pay.

Lapis wasn't really listening after that. Her focus was on the awkwardly standing, shuffling blonde standing just shy of the first table. Her tongue felt heavy with things she wanted to say but couldn't.

She was brought back from her stupor when Ruby began ordering. She took the money and rang up the cash register and began handing out the sweet treats, nodding along to whatever Amethyst was saying while otherwise completely ignoring it. When asked what she wanted, Peridot merely shook her head and declined. So Ruby ordered her something chocolate and told her she wouldn't hear any complaints.

"Yo, you wanna sit with us? Not like much else is happening around here," Amethyst said as she pulled out a chair, Ruby and her girlfriend already seated and Peridot uncomfortably pulling out a chair of her own.

Lapis considered the situation a moment. Either way was destined to be excruciatingly awkward, and either way she knew she'd have to answer questions she wasn't ready for. So, with a heavy sigh and cumbersome shrug, she bit the bullet. "Sure, yeah, just a sec."

* * *

To say things were unpleasant would be an understatement. A really, really big one.

Peridot fidgeted in her seat next to Lapis, eyes on the tabletop. Lapis was tapping her fingers along her upper arm and trying to keep from glancing over. And Amethyst, Ruby and Sapphire were all sitting there, looking at the two, wondering what had happened or what was happening or if they say something.

Of course it was Amethyst that finally opened her mouth, hand running through her hair as she leaned over the table and glanced between both silent girls. "Dude, I don't know what happened, but this is super freaking awkward. Someone do something."

Peridot scoffed and raised her hand, flipped off her friend. But her eyes couldn't help glancing over the same time as Lapis', and they shared a short look before emerald was back to the table and cerulean was back to the far wall.

Sapphire piped up, then, silencing her girlfriend before Ruby could even begin. "It'll be okay. Just talk about it." Then, she pushed from the table and stood, reaching for and taking Ruby's hand and tugging gently. "Amethyst, I believe we promised to visit Steven a little while ago. Perhaps we can do that now."

"Uh, yeah, okay," she mumbled, standing as Ruby did. She looked down at the still sitting couple and grinned half-heartedly. "See ya later, guys. And Per?"

"Yes?" the blonde answered.

"Maybe you can stop by later, too, yeah?"

Peridot smiled lightly, nodded. "Yeah, sure. After dinner, if that's okay."

"'Course it is."

Lapis watched silently as the four said their goodbyes, Sapphire leaning in to hug Peridot sideways and whisper something she couldn't make out in the girl's ear. Then they were being left alone at the table, and as soon as the door clicked shut behind Peridot's friends, the store suddenly seemed a lot more claustrophobic.

Lapis swallowed and cleared her throat, looked to the blonde. Peridot had resorted to entwining her fingers, twitching her nose as she watched her hands atop the table. A tiny smile tugged at Lapis' lips at the sight of how adorable her girlfriend's face was.

Until that word sank in, and then she was frowning again. Was... She didn't want to think if what had happened last night meant Peridot would throw that term away.

She needed to say something. She breathed in through her nose and turned slightly in her seat, so that she could really look at Peridot. Only to find Peridot already looking at her. With this sad, confused look. It hit her hard.

"What... happened?" the blonde murmured, then looked away and furrowed her brow. That confusion turned to anger faster than Lapis could comprehend. "I didn't... Whatever I did, Lapis, I'm sorry."

Her gaze fell to the tabletop as her jaw clenched. She hesitated before reaching out and brushing her fingertips over Peridot's still entwined hands. The blonde flinched but didn't pull away.

"I..." Lapis sighed uneasily, shook her head. "You didn't do anything, Peridot. It was all me."

"What the hell happened?"

"I don't-" No. No, Lapis stopped herself because she wouldn't lie. She knew what had happened but she didn't know how to explain it without telling Peridot everything. And it was too soon and she didn't know how to and what if Peridot realized what a bad idea it was to get involved with her and-.

"Lapis." Lapis looked up at the sound of her name, met emerald and had to let out a breath that turned into something more akin to a sob. She didn't even realize she was crying until Peridot reached up and wiped at her cheeks with gentle fingers. "Hey, no, i-it's okay."

Lapis choked and shook her head, gave no warning before she jerked forward and wrapped her arms around the girl's shoulders, a yelp the only sign Peridot gave to her shock. A moment. Then the blonde's arms were around her and she was burying her face along the girl's neck to stifle her whimpers.

Peridot kept mumbling, things she couldn't make out but that told her it was okay, and Lapis shuddered when hands began gently rubbing along her back. She knew she didn't deserve this, didn't deserve sympathy or even pity. But she would be lying if she said she wasn't grateful for it.

"Lapis, hey, stop. It's okay." Peridot didn't know what to say. She just kept trying, trailed her hands up to run through her girlfriend's hair. "Shh, it's okay." She flinched when Lapis' nose brushed against her collarbone but sighed and leaned into the girl, closed her eyes and frowned. She should be the one upset right now. She should be the one all emotional. But... she couldn't stop herself from caring too much to just let Lapis sit here wallowing in whatever bad she had to wallow in.

It took more than a moment for Lapis to stop crying. In fact, it took so long that Peridot's leg has started to go numb and her side had started to hurt from the angle she was leaning at but she waited still. When finally Lapis pulled back, eyes puffy and cheeks tinted, she smiled awkwardly and sniffled and muttered, "Sorry."

Peridot sighed, let her fingers run up the girl's neck and catch the tears along her jaw. She twisted up her face in this way that she hoped looked somewhat serious. "Lapis. If you'd just talk to me, you'd feel better. We both would."

The girl shook her head, reached up and grasped at the blonde's wrists and looked down at where their hands met. "I don't... You wouldn't understand, Peridot. No one does."

Peridot huffed and leaned forward, let her forehead rest against Lapis'. "Maybe you're right, but I don't understand things any better this way, either. And I don't... I need to know what goes on in that fat head of yours."

She couldn't stop the small scoff that left her, sniffled and squeezed the wrist in her grasp. "But what if you can't handle what happens in there?"

The blonde smiled gently, pulled back. Waited for Lapis to look up before leaning in and placing a chaste kiss against the girl's lips. They tasted like salt. When they parted, she hummed quietly and met her girlfriend's gaze. "That's a chance I'm willing to take. Peridot Rabar doesn't let anything get to her."

Lapis snorted. Pushed the blonde gently. "I freaking hate your last name, Peri."

Peridot hummed again. Bopped her nose against Lapis'. "Yeah, so do I. But stop procrastinating."

Those endless eyes met her own. A sad, timid smile. More sniffling. And then, finally, the smallest of nods.

"Okay."


End file.
